[untitled]

Why do i have the slightest feeling that you don't care? I know you care as a freind...but is there more to it than that? I know that we're just freinds, but i want there to be more...I want you to care and not just as a friend. I care about you, I tell myself everyday that I miss you and that I like you enough to be with you...what about you? You're only human, and we humkans need love to survive. Not all the time, but everyone needs someone to love...right? No one deserves to be alone, we deserve to be happy!!! But if we choose not to be happy, that is our own choice.

We all have our own lives and no other person is allowed to criticize our desicions.

Reviews

[Michael X]

The reader can feel the release in your words. This is a pouring of the heart!

[olla]

well said..

[x]

This is lovely.
Rather gives the impression of looking into the mirror and having a muttered conversation with ones self.
Think you captured the spirit of your rant rather well.
Just a little thing but you've put humkans down and I'm thinking you meant to put humans....so delighful, just so delightful.

[The Perfectionist]

Unstructured, unstructured, everyone's saying it's unstructured.

Well, okay, it is unstructured. However, while for the most part the writer tends to define the structure, this "journal entry" as someone below me put it, allows the reader to decide where the breaks and pauses are and what the tone can be. Not the greatest of topics to choose for such a medium, and I seriously doubt that was your intent (if I had to guess, I'd guess you just wanted to throw your thoughts down somewhere), but it at least adds something to this so that it doesn't fall flat.

[Zak]

That's wat I felt like...
It is unstructured for a poem, but powerful nonetheless. It is wide in the scope of friendships and love.

-ZTF

[Through the Gateway]

Really unstructured for a poem. Change the way it flows. I think it could be better if you were creative with the flow of it. I like the concept, but the composition needs work.

[Electric Green Earth Ch..]

This is meant to be constructive, but this sounds more like a journal entry than a poem....you should try listing all of the feelings that you get from what your writing about, and then work on constructing them into either rhyming or flowing cohesive sentences. not sure if you were going for a more poetic feel or just journaling...

hope i helped!