Hunted

Its my first story(may be alot of mistakes) feel free to rate it

Bella sat down staring into the deep, blue ocean, digging her hands into the soft sand. Bella had short, blonde hair with frecals, she was 17 and wasn't very tall. Ever since she had gotten to the beach she was trying to relax, but after her mum died when Bella was at the age of 12 every time she tried to relax thoughts came rushing to he head. She turned around looking at her older brother, who was watching the footy on the rusty TV.

She looked back out to the ocean, this time she saw 5 men dressed in black quickly making they're way onto a boat. 4 of the men stayed outside checking no one was looking. A few minutes later a man came out with a bruised and cut man, not moving. He through him into the ocean, Bella gasped. She was just about to get up when one of the men pointed at her. She didn't know what to do, so without thinking she jumped up and sprinted to her car, looking at the men following her. She hopped in the car and slambed the door, starting the enition. She drove away, her mind was a mess wondering what had just happened. It took her 5 minutes to get out of the city and into the quiet out back. "Bang!" Bella's head whambed into the wheel making a loud crack! Everything went dizzey. She looked in the re-view mirror, seeing a black car behind her. The car hit the back again.

"Smash!" she lost control and slid into a tree, trying to turn the car. There was a pain in her leg as she looked down in horror, blood was everywhere. "Help" she screamed as a tear rolled down her cheek. Everything went black.

She opened her eyes to a bright light shinning in her eyes. She tried to move but relised she was tyed down. She looked around trying to see a way out, but she was stuck in a small room with no escape.

A man opened a door and walked in shinning a knife in the light. "I wish you hadn't seen that" he whispered in her ear. He hadn't noticed but while she had been in there she had found a loose bolt and now her left hand was free. just when he was about to slice the knife down she punched him in the gut. He fell to the ground with a loud thump. She grabbed the key out of his hand and set herself free.

She ran through the door which let her outside, it was now raing and hard to breath. She fell to her knees gasping for air. She took her last breath and fell to the ground.

 

Reviews

[tHe]

a lot of grammer errors and why did the rain kill her? good story though.
you must continue to explain why she took her last breath, because it doesnt really make sense to those that dont know the story line until the end.