Chapter 1

Cster: You fraidy cat!

KB: I am not scared!

Cster: If you’re not, ask him out!

KB: I can’t.

Cster: Why not?

KB: ‘Cuz idk if he likes me!

    Kira Benedict sat frustrated in the front seat of her dad’s red truck, which was speeding down Main Street in Wichita Kansas. Carolyn Sterling, Kira’s best friend, were arguing over that Kira should ask her crush Damon Winnington                     

     But as stubborn as she is, which she gets from her dad, Kira just couldn’t. She looked at her father in the driver’s seat, her only parent left. He had a red frizzy beard that he grew since her mother died a few years ago, giving birth to her brother, Ron.

    “What’s wrong Kir?” he asked his daughter.

    “Umm… can Carolyn come over?” she asked.

    She just wanted to talk to her so she can forget all about it, and not talk about it anymore.

   “No,” his strong farmer’s voice answered.

   “Why not?”

   “’Cause, Rachel’s coming over.”

   Rachel Pickerman was her father’s girlfriend that he met a few months ago. Kira hated her since she felt like he was replacing her mother.

  “Why does she have to come over?”

   “She’s allowed to. And I’m going to propose to her.”

   “No,” Kira whispered. This couldn’t be happening, she thought.

   “No what,” his voice was rising.

   “No, you can’t propose to her!” Kira practically yelled at him.

  “I can!” He was getting closer to his boiling point.

  “No you can’t!”

       And then it came to her, she knew he was gonna snap sooner or later, and she didn't see it coming. It all happened it a swift movement. He slapped her across the face with all his might. His temper has been rising ever since her mother died. And he did worse than hitting.

Kira placed her hand on her cheek, tears fogging her eyes a d streaming down her face. The pain became worse after years of him hitting her.

She looked at her father, who was looking at her and not the road! She looked away from him and she didn't talk back like she normally does.

And then she noticed something strange. They were driving on the wrong side of the road, and a truck was heading toward them! The truck honked its horn very loudly, that she couldn't hear her life flash right before her eyes.

Her dad frantically turned the wheel trying to get back to the right side of the road, and he tried to steady the truck but it wouldn't. The car swerved off the road, crashing into trees and rolling down the hill.

She screamed as loud as she can, as the car came to the end of the hill. Shattered glass came into her open mouth and there was a big cut of her shoulder from it.

When the truck crashed into a big boulder, the airbags went off and Kira was ejected out of there window and she landed on her back with rocks and branches under her.

She groaned her body felt like it was broken into millions of pieces.

"Help," she tried saying with glass in her mouth.

"Help," she groaned, rolling onto her side. She spit out the glass and saw red goo on the crystallize blades.

Kira placed her hand next to her shoulder and on top of the rocks and tried pushing herself up. It made the pain worse, and she fell back down.

She lifted her eyes up and looked at her surrounding. The sun was setting in the sky and it was turning into an eerie purple. The trees stood, tall, dark and scary.

Then Kira's grey eyes grew heavy, and she it was hard to keep them open any longer. And she couldn't believe how much has happened in the past five minutes. Before she closed her eyes, she felt like her world was crashing down.

There were faint sirens in the distance the flashing lights of red and blue against the tree.

She closed her eyes, hoping to drift off into a long deep sleep, waiting for death to bring her in his welcoming arms.

Author's Note

I'm not good at the beginning, but please reading!

Reviews

[Miss Evans]

I read your chapters up to now, and I think you have a good start, but it's not quite polished yet. Which is understandable if you're still in your drafting stages.

I didn't like the beginning very much, honestly. The basis of it was good, but it told too much and moved too fast. I think if you expanded that and maybe focused more on emotion than trying to get to the action, it would flow better, and it would let things simmer before boiling over.

The second chapter I thought was good. it was interesting, and well-written. As for the third, it's good as well.

I would suggest focusing on taking things slow, being descriptive, and showing your characters emotion more. I also think it would work well to take the chapters involving Kira (like Chapter 1) to be in First-Person. It would work for helping the reader understand Kira better, and how she looks at things.

I don't [personally] find the language necessary, especially in Brendan. He seems like he would fit the more sweet, best-friend kind of personality. Not "I-Can't-Have-You-So-I'll-Be-A-Jerk-To-Anyone-Who-Comes-Near-You".

But you're the author. ^^''

Besides that, you have like a sprinkling of Grammar/Spelling mistakes, but those didn't bug me a whole lot (they weren't major mistakes).

Looking forward to reading more.

~ Teralyn E.