A Hillbilly Visits Atlanta

It was his first plane trip.

A Hillbilly Visits Atlanta

 

By Elton Camp

 

Reuben’s sister had made good in the big city

That he had never visited, she thought a pity

Since he’d always lived in the Arkansas hills,

Then seeing Atlanta would give him a big thrill

 

She sent Ruben a ticket for an airplane flight

Said she hoped he’d use it and he said he might

On the day the trip was scheduled to begin,

Ruben came out to the airport with a wide grin

 

At the security checkpoint, he almost flipped out

Because he didn’t know what it was all about

“Whut do you mean a feelin’ of me like thet?

Back in th’ hills a punch in the face you’d get.”

 

He was harmless, the inspectors all did think

So they let him pass with a nod and a wink

Ruben said, “Afore I got t’ th’ loadin’ gate,

They said take th’ escalator ‘n’ don’t be late.”

 

“I didn’t know whut “escalator” wuz all about,

But I figured thet I’d probably find hit out.

I come t’ this here set of stairs of shiny metal.

But somethin’ in my mind I couldn’t settle.”

 

Why them steps wuz a movin’ on their own.

I wuz about t’ think thet my mind wuz gone.

I hung back and watched others fer a while

And then decided thet I’d jest give hit a trial.”

 

“And they carried me to th’ top quick as a wink

How sech could be I couldn’t possibly think.

Then they said hit wuz time t’ git on th’ plane

‘You go this way,’ a young woman did explain.

Shore enuff, a narrow little hall led to th’ plane.”

 

“I didn’t quite see how it could git in th’ air

Hit seemed t’ be joined to th’ buildin’ there.

But those city folk knew what ‘twas to do.

The hallway pulled back, I swear it’s true.”

 

“The plane rode around right slow for a while.

In nearly an hour hit hadn’t covered even a mile.

So under my breath I began to fuss and cuss.

I shorely had made some mistake got on a bus.”

 

“But then t’ my shock, hit began t’ pick up speed.

Hit’s a whole sight faster then any bus, I agreed.

Then all of a sudden th’ front of thet there plane rose

And I got this funny feeling’ in my ears and nose.”

 

“I started t’ yell, but none of th’ others seemed t’ care

And we wuz all in th’ very same fix way up there. 

I decided thet if hit were our time we had t’ go,

I might as well not fight and let hit become so.”

 

“But then th’ plane leveled down and I heerd a voice say,

‘You can take off your seat belts since we now on our way.’

This pretty young girl started t’ tell us whut we could do

And listed so much bad stuff thet I really thought ‘Shoo’

 

“Afore we got on, I thought hit wouldn’t been more fair

To say thet plane might crash or thet we could need air.

She said a mask with tubes we would need t’ embrace

If air ran out & hit dropped down thar in front of our face.”

 

“I looked around t’ see if th’ exit wuz anywhere about

And told thet girl thet I had decided I’d just get out.

Why hit wuz thet made them all laugh I shore didn’t know.

But it learned th’ reason when I look out th’ winder, though.”

 

“I saw that we shorely must have been at least a mile high.

Hit wuz too late t’ back out.  Thar waren’t no need t’ try.

So all th’ way t’ Atlanta, I closed my eyes & wouldn’t talk

But I knew th’ only way I would be goin’ home is t’ walk.”