Incredible Product Warnings

Some crazy lawsuit is probably behind each of these.

Incredible Product Warnings

 

By Elton Camp

 

Far from folly this hair dry warning is keeping

In telling snoozers, “Do not use while sleeping”

 

Thinking of putting a curl in your colon or tongue?

“For external use only,” on curling iron is hung

 

If you think that over your genitals they may hover,

“Shin pads can’t protect body parts they don’t cover.”

 

This most would know, you certainly would think:

On toilet:  “Recycled flush water is unsafe to drink.”

 

If anyone did, the result would give dentists a thrill

“Electric rotary tool is not for use as a dental drill.”

 

A 13-inch wheelbarrow wheel this caution did produce:

Buyers were firmly told, “Not intended for highway use”

 

In case a curious battery is the type that you do seek:

It’s maker announced, “Battery may explore or leak.”

 

Anyone one who does this would probably be a goner:

Note on a laser printer cartridge:  “Do not eat toner.”

 

Then on a Holmes bathroom heater was found this sign:

“Not to be used in bathrooms.”  Hope you don’t mind.

 

And it was on a coffee cup this warning we did spot:

It so clearly stated, “Caution:  Hot beverages are hot”

 

On a Frisbee the following warning we did see:

“Warning: May contain small parts.”  Can it be?

 

If to clean your teeth, you happen to be in a rush,

“Do not use orally,” we once saw on a toilet brush

 

On a birthday card for a one-year-old we are told:

“Unsuitable unless child is at least 36 months old”

 

To do nothing at all with it is all that you can choose:

On battery:  “Do not recharge, put in backward or use”

 

And just in case you previously did this unwisely try,

Is said:  “Do not look into laser with remaining eye”

 

Disregard this warning and quite bad results you get:

In microwave manual:  “Do not use for drying pet.”

 

For just one single use the maker does give the nod

“For use on animals only,” is written of a cattle prod

 

“For use by trained personnel only” the warning note

On a can of air freshener someone very plainly wrote

 

Sign on a Boeing 757 much careless handling does stop:

Gives the necessary warning as “Fragile.  Do not drop”

 

Thinking of putting your kid away for rest of the day:

“Remove infant before folding” baby stroller does say

 

And then whether they are used for days or for nights:

“For indoor or outdoor use only,” on Christmas lights

 

On child’s Superman costume this warning we did spy:

“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”

 

To already know, surely most would have gumption

On a package of dice:  “Not for human consumption”

 

“Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand”

Its need on a chainsaw is pretty hard to understand

 

“May be harmful if swallowed” the caution read

Of a shipment of hammers, though, it was said

 

Since such a thing almost nobody would have expected,

“Warning:  May contain nuts” for peanut bag was selected