Real Estate Jargon Explained

Let the buyer beware.

Real Estate Jargon Explained

 

By Elton Camp

 

When a house is for sale there’s good reason why

Trouble can come to anyone who advertises a lie

 

If the sellers certain expressions carefully choose

It will become easy the careless buyer to confuse

 

“This house is simply loaded with charm.”

Means we hope old and ugly won’t alarm

 

If you see it’s a “Pet friendly neighborhood,”

Dog manure in your yard should be understood

 

The praising note, “Easy access to the freeway”

Means thousands will pass your house each day

 

Beware the notation of “Low maintenance lot.”

Since neither front nor back yards have you got

 

“Historic house maintained in its original state”

It is a run-down old relic that you soon will hate

 

“It’s a doll house that you are going to adore.”

The house’s tiny rooms you’ll come to deplore

 

“The dwelling is located on a fine corner lot”

Then traffic both front and sides you have got

 

If the place is described as “Ready to move in,”

Then painted with the cheapest grade it has been

 

“A desirable neighborhood” means that its location

Has made it overpriced due to a snobbish reputation

 

If of “In-city living” the seller proudly does tell

Not safe to walk after dark it should say as well

 

If it is a “Handy-man special,” then better look out

The old place is ready to collapse without any doubt

 

If the advertisement should say, “Lots storage space,”

The basement is nothing but a dark, moldy disgrace

 

If the selling point is of “Seasonal water view,”

It means water was visible before the trees grew

 

If the seller says that “All your lot is usable land,”

You can know that not a single tree still does stand

 

If “Close to shopping” the advertisement does call

It means your backyard is adjacent to the big mall

 

When the imperative is that you must “See inside,”

It has a horrid exterior that is impossible to hide

 

If it is happily described as “Cozy, it should be read

That no room is big enough to contain a full-size bed

 

This is how “Make an offer” you actually should take:

It’s been long on the market so don’t make a mistake

 

The inviting phrase is “Watch wildlife from your patio”

You can expect to get ticks and fleas if outside you go

 

So if your house purchase in a year you will praise,

Watch carefully for the real meaning of each phrase