How's That Again?

How’s That Again?

 

Actual newspaper headlines taken from http://www.alphadictionary.com/fun/headlines.html

 

Poem constructed by Elton Camp

 

A headline writer had the following to say:

“Child’s Death Ruins Couple’s Holiday”

 

The image produced we have to pardon:

“Child’s Stool Great for Use in Garden”

 

Of other associations, have no fears:

“Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures”

 

I didn’t expect this to happen so soon:

“Dealers will Hear Car Talk at Noon”

 

In storing his tools the man was so lax:

“Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax”

 

Want to see this myself:

“Eye Drops Off Shelf”

 

What a shock to his spouse:

“Farmer Bill Dies in House”

 

I wonder if old granny though this was fun:

“Grandmother of Eight Makes Hole in One”

 

A statement this obvious will make the reader smile:

“If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly it May Last a While”

 

So to have greater charms:

“Iraqi Head Seeks Arms”

 

What possibly could answering this gain us?

“Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?”

 

The justice system can be transcendent:

“Juvenile Court Tries Shooting Defendant”

 

If you decide to test it, better be stealthy:

“Kicking Baby Considered To Be Healthy”

 

It’s a more effective than them just being talkers:

“Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers”

 

Folks like this, starvation can never slaughter:

“Quarter of a Million Chinese Live on Water”

 

In modesty, please keep her well draped:

“Queen Mary Having Bottom Scraped”

 

In a careless newspaper this headline was read:

“Reagan Wins on Budget, but More Lies Ahead”

 

Surely his neck holds up his rosary:

“Robber Holds up Albert’s Hoisery”

 

Though losing her leg left the woman in a fix:

“Shot Off Woman’s Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66”

 

This surely would put their work into a deficiency:

“Smokers are Productive, but Death Cuts Efficiency”

 

It’s hard to see how it could really be any other way:

“Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say”

 

This feat I’d also much like to see:

“Stolen Painting Found by Tree”

 

Surely, ethics such forbids:

“Teacher Strikes Idle Kids”

 

You mean it didn’t increase?

“War Dims Hope for Peace”

 

For her, the meal couldn’t be merry:

“William Kelly was Fed Secretary”

 

I plan to write another poem like this

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