Why We Don't Vist Jane Anymore

We haven't seen her for over a year.

Why We Don’t Visit Jane Anymore

 

By Elton Camp

 

We haven’t seen Jane in a year

Her house is fairly close to here

It is getting harder to find a ruse

Her invitations to politely refuse

 

She tells us over the phone

See how my child has grown

Your visits are so far between

New pictures you haven’t seen

 

I begin to think you must be mad

And it is making me feel so bad

And if I made some big mistake

Then I’ll gladly an apology make

 

“Oh, no, dear, nothing of the kind

On our visits we simply got behind.

We promise to come without delay

We will sure come on next Saturday.”

 

Though we dread the odious chore

We walk the yard, toward the door

Step carefully.  Avoid piles of brown

Almost everywhere they are found

 

When we apprehensively come inside,

Just as before, we find it hard to abide.

Odor that makes us gag fills our noses

For sure, we can say that it ain’t roses

 

It’s awful, one my wife and I both abhor

We smelled it there on the visits before

“Yip, yip” then arises from a ball of fur

We recognize our niece’s odious little cur

 

“Right on the couch, please have a seat.

Want you my precious Bowser to greet.

Because you are both such darling chaps,

He’ll quickly jump right up into your laps.”

 

I wouldn’t want you the honor to miss

Of getting from my fine dog a big kiss

Bowser’ll show how he likes you quick

He always does it with a great big lick

 

Oh, and here comes my long-haired cat.

What do you think ’bout one like that?

It’s well known that dogs and cats fight

But for these two, the story wasn’t right

 

The sneaky cat’s presence we couldn’t tell.

Since we had credited the dog for that smell.

My dear, will you look there on your rug?

What on earth is that brown, jumping bug?

 

Your house always has some fleas, you say?

Have you ever tried using some bug spray?

We don’t want to act mean or make a fuss,

But we now must leave before they get on us.

 

Look, what resembles strings on our clothes

We have never before seen things like those

It is from your pets?  Of course we don’t care.

We well know that animals shed lots of hair.

 

It’s getting late and we no longer can delay

We walk toward the door to be on our way

To our annoyance, we do learn how it feels

To have a vicious little dog nip at our heels

 

We tread the yard again, being most discreet

And watch so carefully where we put our feet

But we find a final gift from Jane’s little dear

On bottoms of our shoes, some of his manure

 

And as we start to drive away, Jane did croon

“Y’all please be sure to come back real soon.”

To visit her again we would just “love” to do

And hold our breaths so we won’t say, “Phew.”