The Terrible Waitress

What can I get for you guys?

The Terrible Waitress

 

By Elton Camp

 

The hostess met us at the door

We two had been there before

Thanks for coming again today

We have a table over this way

 

Menus she placed as we sat down

“Mary Lou will soon come around.”

The waitress had long, stringy hair

Dirty uniform showed no hint of care

 

We had sat there for quite a long while

But for customers, she showed no smile

To us, Mary Lou promptly began to yak

While her chewing gun she did smack

 

Tell me how are you guys doing today

Were the first words that she did say

We were annoyed at her way to greet

An elderly couple at their café seat

 

“You guys” might be okay for some teens

Who were wearing tee shirts and blue jeans

Mary Lou didn’t seem to think it was funny

When she said, “What will you drink, honey?”

 

“Honey” might be OK for a two-year old child

But at such familiarity I was really was riled

To the waitress I commenced right then to say

Please never speak to a customer in that way

 

Under the table my wife gave me a hard kick

I knew well the meaning of that little trick

It was a clear warning to me that I be nice

And I certainly didn’t want to feel it twice

 

When we both ordered the golden fried fish

Mary Lou said, “Oh, that meal is so delish.”

When customers give that order I delight

On the way from the kitchen to take a bite

 

It was an hour before she brought our food

I don’t want you to think that I was rude

But the call for your plates wasn’t clear

I finally saw them and brought them here

 

Your food may not be warm and fresh anymore

I know because this has happened to me before

The cooks working the kitchen are pretty lame

It’s not my fault.  They are the ones to blame

 

We had little time to eat when she spat,

“Are you two guys still working on that?”

Mary Lou appeared at our table very soon

Did I tell you that I only work until noon?

 

In only a few minutes my shift is complete

If you’ll give me my tip now, it will be neat

And next time in this joint you happen to be

Tell the hostess that you want to served by me