Phooey on Football

How lame can anything be?

Phooey to Football

 

By Elton Camp

 

Some think that I’m not right,

But in football I take no delight

One team forces down the field

Other unwilling an inch to yield

 

To go ten yards in four downs

Proves harder than it sounds

One chance they often betray

And just kick the football away

 

Slogans supporters will use

Seem to me so very crude

“Kill the Tigers, they say

Or, “We blow them away”.

 

I just cannot come to see

How important it can be

Who will care anyhow

A single year from now?

 

The fans will wildly scream and yell

Cheerleaders say, “Give them hell.”

And over the coals they will rake

Any boy who makes a mistake

 

Black and white stripes in the game

Only makes the sport more lame

No matter how hard the team tries

They always manage to criticize

 

If any little fault they ever can find

They push the team ten yards behind

After such effort to reach that place

To move them back seems a disgrace

 

Blow a whistle gives them a thrill

Though all the action it does kill

When a handkerchief they drop

They insist that all play will stop

 

Another practice they need to cut

They pat each other on the butt

If they do that in view of the crowd

In the locker room, what is allowed?

 

At many plays the fans will roar

But it’s much the same as before

I know what I’ve come to think

They have had too much to drink

 

If there is an injury on any play

EMTs are ready to take away

A child’s game is no reason why

To take a chance a boy may die

 

And if the game is shown on TV

Normal programs you cannot see

And when, at last, it is through,

Endless replays they then will do

 

If I should be crowned as king,

The very first change I’ll bring

Is to have this good word to say:

“Football you can no longer play.”