The Express Checkout Lane

You can't come through here.

The Express Checkout Lane

 

By Elton Camp

 

 

For a few groceries I was in a plight,

I scooted to the store on Friday night.

The parking lot told what I did fear.

Half of the people in town were here.

 

The items I needed were only a few:

Bag of taters, loaf of bread, honeydew.

Lines extended way back into the store,

Far worse than I’d ever seen ‘em before.

 

An easy and fast idea occurred to me

The express checkout I came to see.

A sign gave instructions that were clear:

“With over ten items, don’t come here.”

 

I walked right up to the young clerk.

But I quickly found that she was a jerk.

My friendly greeting she couldn’t hear.

She had a cell phone pressed to her ear.

 

“Would you now check me out please?

The items I need today are only these.”

She glared at me mean and gave a shrug.

“Joe, a customer is here trying to bug.”

 

“Can’t you see that I’m busy here?

Get in another line right now, dear.

You order is too big for me to touch.

You are buying a whole lot too much.”

 

“It says ten and I’m buying only three.

So it sure doesn’t look that way to me.”

Staring at my goods, her lips she moved.

She was trying hard her point to prove. 

 

“There are over ten taters in that sack.

Of the count you sure have lost track.

Get in another line quick as you can.

So I can keep talking to Joe, my man.”

 

“Each slice of bread is a separate count.

You are way over the allowed amount.

Besides, it is now time for me to take

My right to a duty-free evening break.”

 

Her words came to me as a total surprise.

As was shown by the look in my eyes.

And as the clerk indignantly stalked away

She spit, “Thanks for shopping here today.”