In Praise of Beef

Anyone care for a hamburger?

In Praise of Beef

 

By Elton Camp

 

I’m hoping for a letter of appreciation

From the state cattleman’s association.

Only good is here, they will realize

So it will be “just right” in their eyes.

 

They will surely commend

The message that I penned.

Not a bad thing can be true

Of the fine cows they grew.

 

Beef is a meat good and healthy.

One that makes so many wealthy.

That’s why we’re in such haste.

To enjoy a scrumptious taste.

 

Beef is often sold along with other things.

Fries and sugary drinks the server brings.

But we can refuse all of that other stuff

Say, “Nope, beef alone is quite enough.”

 

Beef in fat and cholesterol sure does abound,

But also in other types of food they’re found.

Not beef alone may contain E. coli

So that is no reason we shouldn’t buy.

 

Fecal contamination is an abomination,

But cooking will kill the contamination.

There’s no health danger in a germ to eat

If it is well enough done to a killing heat.

 

Beef may well contain the chemical dioxin.

And scientists recognize it as a deadly toxin.

In each such bite the amount is very small,

So that really shouldn’t concern us at all.

 

To raise cows, some a rainforest may clear,

But to us such practices are never very near.

Such places will be around at least thirty years,

So there is no real basis for silly alarmist fears.

 

Cattle hooves beating on the ground

Certainly may bring a desert around.

But even if topsoil should blow away,

Who know but it may return someday.

 

A cow eats sixteen pounds of grain,

A pound of delicious beef will remain.

To feel bad about that we should not.

Starvation it brings to a foreign spot.

 

Are there no workhouses over there?

I can see no reason that I should care.

Are there no prisons to put them in?

At home charity rightly does begin.

 

We have every right to eat meat

No foreign dude do we mistreat.

I just have to say, “What the heck?”

It helps population stay in check.

 

Food employee won’t be a lazy jerk

When under pressure learns to work.

True, lunchtime bring a frantic pace,

For such great pay, it is no disgrace.

 

Tomorrow, on my lunch break,

I will enjoy an extra rare steak.

So supper I won’t have to cook,

To a burger at Hardee’s I’ll look.