Why I Hate Shopping at Snarl-Mart

There's a lot to dislike.

Why I Hate Shopping at Snarl-Mart

 

By Elton Camp

 

I find the parking is hard to bear

Lot must be at least a mile square

Any spot close to the door,

No parking there anymore.

 

Dozens of them are labeled

“For use only by the disabled.”

Enough for every wheelchair

Within a hundred miles of there.

 

Vacant most will always stay

Whether by night or by day

Good intentions are in that, perhaps

In estimating need there is a lapse

 

Into a vacant space I start to dart

Blocking the way, shopping cart

For that, the store cannot blame

Annoys me badly just the same

 

At the door, I nearly start to choke

Employees around taking a smoke

Seems the store should care

About them standing there

 

Also, people sitting at a table.

“To give to us, are you able?”

If not when on your way in,

Upon your exit, we ask again

 

“I came here for prices cheap.

What I have I need to keep.”

Have to leave you in the lurch

Don’t believe in your church.

 

Once I am inside the door

Are shopping carts galore

All lined up in a neat row

Maybe washed a year ago

 

Welcome to Snarl-Mart says the greeter

I’m really standing here to catch a cheater

Who tries to slip out failing to pay

It is my true job him or her to delay

 

When the warning bell does ring,

Into immediate action I do swing

Let me help you, M’am or Sir

I say to any such cheating cur

 

Store is almost too big for me

Hard the opposite wall to see

Of customers there is no lack

Every aisle the shoppers pack

 

In groceries where I first go

Everything is from Mexico

I buy it only with a sigh

Hope it won’t have E. coli

 

When I look for my favorite cans

Been replaced with store brands

Rather pay a little bit more

To get the ones that I adore

 

Bakery goods look a delight

But trans fats in every bite

No care about customer health

Only interest is chain’s wealth

 

To other areas I then leave

There to find an awful peeve

Nearly stirs up my angina

Everything is from China

 

Chain’s buyers surely must prize

What is made by slanted eyes

But when goods there have been made

Makes even worse the balance of trade

 

It is very hard, in this day

To find, “Made in USA.”

For it would pay a bit more

But isn’t found in this store

 

Unemployment at ten percent

Very clear where our jobs went

Yet, possible it is not

Foreign made to boycott

 

Next, makes me want to shout

So long it takes to check out

Does no good for me to complain

Nobody is working express lane

 

Checkers working only two or three

No matter how long the lines may be.

If some items just won’t scan

Seems they have no simple plan

 

All those in line will be delayed

The store’s price must be paid

Checker says, “It’s not my fault.

Just doing as I’ve been taught

 

Bag the groceries not too well

Taters on bread?  What the hell?

There is such a powerful rush

Cans atop eggs, which they crush

 

So many items put in plastic sack

Handles tear off before I get back

As I enter kitchen door

All will spill in the floor

 

Hope this explains the reasons why

At Snarl-Mart I truly do hate to buy.

Yet, have to return another day.

The other stores they ran away.