A Dog in the House

Why we don't visit Jane anymore.

A Dog in the House

 

By Elton Camp

 

Have not visited Jane in nearly a year

Though her house is fairly close to here

Getting harder to find a ruse

Her invites to politely refuse

 

She tells us over the phone

See how my child has grown

Your visits are so far between

New pictures you haven’t seen

 

I begin to think you must be mad

And it is making me feel so bad

If I made some big mistake

Gladly will apology make

 

“Oh, no, dear, nothing of the kind

On our visits we just got behind.

Will be no more delay

Will come on Saturday.”

 

Though we sigh at the chore

Walk the yard, toward the door

Avoid big piles of brown

Everywhere, they are found

 

When we come inside,

Find it hard to abide.

A smell fills our noses

For sure, it ain’t roses

 

It’s awful, one we both abhor

We smelled it there lots before

Yip, yip comes from a ball of fur

A particularly odious little cur

 

“Right on the couch, please have a seat.

Want you my precious Bowser to greet.

You are both such darling chaps,

He will jump up into your laps.”

 

I wouldn’t want you to miss

Getting from him a big kiss

Will show he likes you quick

Does it with a great big lick

 

Oh, and here comes my cat.

What do you think ’bout that?

That dogs and cats will fight

In this case just wasn’t right

 

Cat’s presence we couldn’t tell.

Credited only dog for that smell.

And look there on your rug

What is that jumping bug?

 

House has fleas, you say?

Ever tried using a spray?

Don’t want to be mean or make a fuss,

But must leave before they get on us.

 

Look, many strings on our clothes

Just what in the world are those?

But, of course we don’t care.

Know pets shed lots of hair.

 

We no longer can delay

Have to get on our way

Then to learn how it feels

To have a dog nip our heels

 

Through yard again, being most discreet

Watch carefully where we put our feet

But we find a final gift from Jane’s little dear

On bottoms of our shoes, some of his manure

 

As we drive off, Jane will croon

“Y’all be sure to come back soon.”

To visit again we would just “love” to do

Hold our breaths so we won’t say, “Phew.”