The Banks of the Future

Banks move to maximize their income.

The Banks of the Future

 

By Elton Camp

 

Banks once welcomed our money’s free use

Accounts by new customers sought to induce

“Your business is valuable in our eyes.

For it we will give a toaster as a prize.”

 

Those days we will see no more.

Never will it be as it was before.

What they once provided free

Are now offered only for a fee

 

If you want to use our parking lot,

On your way out, put money in slot.

To learn what your balance may be

There is a matter of this little fee

 

If to a person you want to talk

Service fee won’t make you balk

We will turn your coins into bills

The charges give us such thrills

 

If you make a withdrawal today,

For that service you have to pay.

More checks we are happy to supply

But know well that them you must buy

 

Want to deposit your payroll check?

We’re glad to do.  What the heck?

Charge we make adds to our bottom line.

The bank will come out doing just fine.

 

Need to swap big bills for small?

We do not mind doing that at all.

But to make a charge is only fair

To expect it free, you do not dare.

 

Cash refund check from Uncle Sam?

For that service to pay is not any scam.

If checks you write are more than ten,

You must pay the service charge again.

 

If anyone calls to ask if your check is good,

To pay for that help we insist you should.

If you apply for a loan, there is application fee.

Surely you can’t expect to get such work free.

 

Then if your loan we decide to deny

Pay again because we made the try.

And for inactivity in any account

You must pay an additional amount

 

If a robber should come our way

Any loss you must help us pay

If our bathroom you should use

Payment of a fee you can’t refuse

 

To bring a pen you did not think?

Expect to pay if we supply the ink.

And to put money into a C.D.

There’s now a charge, you see.

 

Sit down in our lobby chair?

We think a payment is fair.

Place five dollars in the cup

When you use the drive-up

 

To our bank, glad you’ve come,

But no way can you be a bum.

For everything we do or say,

Only right that you should pay.

 

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

This is why my dad never used the word "banker" without preceding it with a colorful adjective. Thanks for the chuckle, Elton.