Barely Holding On

I give up...
This is like my motto.
But I'm a hypocrite.

I wake up every morning,
Wishing I hadn't.

I'd end things myself,
But I  just freeze every time I come close.

Last time...
I was so weak, I had to make one last call...
And that broke me.
I sat there, pills in my hand,
Too weak to say anything but "I'm sorry" over and over while they begged me not to do it...

I wasted too much time, and the next thing I knew, I'd been pinned down, too weak to scream...
Let me go...
I'd breathe out those words, almost to quiet to hear...

Then I woke up the next day.
"I love you.  Thank you for being alive."
I actually thought maybe life was worth it,
For a short amount of time...

Now I'm here,
Tears on my keyboard,
Bile tickling my throat,
Wishing I had done it then...


I don't know what else to say.


I can't say goodbye....so I'll see you tomorrow.


I wish that weren't the case.