Sand

watching a love fades away.

Sand slipping through my fingers

burning like the scorching sun

on a summer midday

yet felt cold inside like the freezing blow

of the gloomy night air

 

sand slipping gently

halfway

burying the heart of me that stays

though

as punishing as the scorching sun

on a cruel midday,

as immobile as the freezing mist

on the gloomy night air

 

sand slipping through my fingers

I cry invisible tears

halfway

like the sand slipping gently

through my fingers.

Reviews

[Jared Michael Smith]

I really enjoyed your use of paradox between the harsh, hot days and the freezing nights. I always find a refreshing sort of feeling from seeing writers draw similarities between two very unlike things; it really showcases their wit. :) As for constructive criticisms, I would only suggest using more capitalization and punctuation for a more aesthetic quality... But then again, Emily Dickinson was a wonderful poet, and she often challenged the accepted conventions of punctuation and such. It's your call. Nevertheless, I very much enjoyed this poem. Good work! :)

[EloisaWrites]

Wow. Thank you very much for your review. I love Emily Dickinson and it is such an honor to know I have reminded you of her. I have read one of your poem and you mentioned in one of your comments that you also love Poe. It is very heartwarming to see you visit, my fellow Poe-enthusiast. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

You're more than welcome. :) And thank you! Mr. Poe was quite the interesting writer indeed. Of all the poems in the world, my favorite would have to be stamped as his "Annabel Lee". So much emotion in so few words, not to mention a killer rhyme scheme and the narrative aspect. You should check it out if you haven't already. :D Anyways, it is always a pleasure to meet other fans of Poe's work. :)

[EloisaWrites]

I have read and reread his "Annabel Lee". One of the first short stories that I have read is from Poe. I was introduced to his writing with the story "The Tell-tale Heart" and I was immediately captivated with the grotesque and the macabre he employs in his writing. These grotesque and macabre, I think are dark reflections of all that is horror yet real side of humanity and life itself. From his stories, I have navigated and read and study his contemporaries as well. So, I guess you could say that I was a Poe-fan first before becoming a fan of everyone else. Just thought of sharing. :)

[Jared Michael Smith]

Lol, nice. I believe the first Poe short-story I read was also "The Tell-Tale Heart". I loved how he used an unreliable narrator for it. :)

[Sami Khalil]

"sand slipping through my fingers

I cry invisible tears

halfway

like the sand slipping gently

through my fingers."

[Lydia Shutter]

Very good metaphor...yes, love can slip through one's fingers like sand. The imagery you employ in this write is excellent. Tangible images. I liked it. Lydi**

[EloisaWrites]

Thank you for your visit, Lydia. And I'm glad you liked it. It is such an honor for me to hear that from a poet such as yourself. :)

[EloisaWrites]

It is actually really painful to form these words as description of something that is neither warm nor cold. Something that needs not of any letting go especially because it just fades away on its own and I can't hold on to it. Thus, I depicted it as the sand. I'm happy that the pain is worth it. I think, it's always worth it. Thank you again. :)

[Sami Khalil]

I like your unique style of writing...Bravo...........................

[EloisaWrites]

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this one. I am humbled as I am also a fan of your style of writing. :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...Any time...:).................