TRUE and FALSE

Lost love poem

True and False

 

My most precious view

Was when I first laid eyes on you

Such love I never knew

Our lives together was spent so true

This is a story of just a Few

 

Time went by it must be told

Of moments pure solid gold

Others were so bitterly cold

Your eyes then foretold

A love not new but sold

 

In light of the new dawn

You preyed upon a fawn

Your eyes were wild with scorn

My beauty lost and withdrawn

You left me forlorn

 

These lines upon my face

I have earned in time and space

With every breath I embraced

I earned these with grace

Does beauty then bear no trace?

 

Why do the young reign supreme

In all men's harts the cream

I have not lost my gleam

I wanted to scream

I am still your dream!

 

Fairytales of truelove

Are not stated as above

And do not fit like a glove

For your love will find a dove

And give you the shove

 

You gave back your ring

And treated me like some thing

As if I meant nothing

That was my heart's worst sting

Thus with this pain it will bring

My own song I must now sing

Author's Note

I'ts a poem about lost love. Inspired by Life's Sad Poetry :) This is the second draft of this poem. Thanks to Jay for helping me sound a little bit less Robotic.
(: Thank you for taking the time to read my poem :)

Reviews

[AliciaB]

This is a poem about a very painful experience, and it is written with some highly emotional, impactful lines. Here are a few of my favorites, and why I like them: "A love not new but sold" - this one is intriguing in light of the lines that come before it, which mention of moments of "solid gold" and ones that are "bitterly cold." Having memories that are "golden" is a beautiful thing... but then that image shifts, calling to mind the idea of "buying" or "selling" love, and the gold sounds like money that would be used to do this (and money is often described as "cold," both literally and figuratively in terms of heartlessness.) Overall, that's a cool image. "In light of the new dawn / You preyed upon a fawn / Your eyes were wild with scorn" - "dawn" and "fawn" are both symbols of innocence and purity, and the use of those in contrast to the words "preyed" and "wild" is very effective. "Does beauty then bear no trace?" - I like this one because of its relevance to so many people. Our scars and imperfections show the stories of our lives; they make us human. Why, then, are they not considered beautiful? And finally, I love the hope and resilience present in "My own song I must now sing." Although the speaker has been through a lot of pain, she is now ready to embrace independence and be herself. Overall, very nicely done!

[Elmarie]

Hi Alicia Thank you once again for your reviews. I enjoyed your comment and appreciate your insight into the poem. Blessings to you El

[toderoopoo]

A truly beautiful poem! I am amazed!

[Elmarie]

Thank you T for stopping by :)

Blessings

EL

[William Liston]

This is amazing. This poem has a strong emotional impact and it has a lovely flow. Great job.

-William Liston

[Elmarie]

Thanks William Nice day to you :)

[Just_Joshing]

I really do love poetry that rhymes, so this hit me right there! I loved how you managed to string so many sounds together, and still have a flowing story. Great job!

[Elmarie]

Thank you for your review. I have always loved rhyming myself and find it the most enjoyable poems to read and write. Take care El :)

[Gee]

I always enjoy rhyming poetry and this was no exception.For me though rhyming 5/6 lines is going to be a tough job and in places it felt forced.

[Elmarie]

It was worse before Jay helped me out. But I agree it is a hard one to do. I will work on it some more. Are there any lines you particularly had troubles with? Thank you for being honest I apreciate it a lot Blessing EL

[andrew mitchell]

The rhyming really worked in this piece because the wording was constructed so well in verse and message. Yes a sad poem on love that hurts because the love this time had a short journey with time. Love has no time limit like we want hence letting go is hard and the heart forever hangs on clinging to love lost reciting over and over if only I did this or this or... instead when it's over, letting go is best.The only way through the loss is through!!

[Elmarie]

Thank you Andrew. Yes it is a rather sad one. Like I said it was inspired by sad poetry. Luckily I have a beautiful man in my life. But this story told is one of many. And sometimes it is also the other way around and the Woman betrays the man. My question is really are we suppose to be Monogamous. We are so multi faceted and ever changing. To promise something in the now for a future that is still to come is truly weird. But I will not go there today LOL. Thank you for stopping by and I loved your latest poem. :)

[andrew mitchell]

It's a funny one that. If we had not met our respective partners today we would be in love with someone else. Yes I read it was a contest not about you hence I find you can really get your hands dirty and conjure a really sad write which is often or not happening in the world lol sadly.

[Adam Adams]

Rhythmic reverberating poetry it is! Raw& very simple choice of words which further makes your work more enjoyable reading. I find it much more like a, as you already mentioned in Author's Note, robotic song. Very fluent & full of depths. Worth reading post. Looking forward to reading you!

[Elmarie]

Thank you for stopping by. And I enjoyed your review. I will take the time to have a look at your writing next.

Blessings
El

[Anima Akuffo]

Fairy tales are merely tales contrived in escapism and fantasy. I enjoyed the journey you spun which is what life is all about. I always console myself with the fact that the young and beautiful will also crumple and fade lol. Well written rhyming piece. Keep it up.

[Elmarie]

LOL There it a massive vale we pull over our children, the illusion of fairytales. I have made it my mission to show them the real world as subtly as I can. Blessings and Thank you for your review. I love your poetry and subscribed. Blessings El

[Einstein Noodle]

it is a sad tale indeed and too often true ..i am ashamed of being a man in this case because we are so visual and prone to weakness ... bring a hammer to womens hearts ..bewildering ..i have seen it more than once in my cousins and friends and sister's lives .. the man takes someone younger and is with them for only a matter of months ... poor saps are left alone with a broken homestead and a lonely apartment to pay for ... your poem touched me heart and got me going ..sorry to prattle on so! ;)
E.

[Elmarie]

Yup the power of woman and the ever unfulfilled pot of desire. LOL Thank you for giving me your view. It is a sad story seen in many a couples lives. I am not generally a sad poet, but was inspired by so many of these stories. Chin up we can only take responsibility for what we do. Blessing to you and Thank you for stopping by.
El

[LastMonth]

Wow.

This is impeccable writing. I am no expert, especially when it comes to English, but this is superb. Each stanza has it's own ending.

Em,
Ing,
Ve,
Old--

And wow does it flow marvelously. Yes, I like the meaning behind the poem. One of a steep rising met with a steeper slide. But to me, this Poem is about skill, technicallity and mastery of the language.

Kudos.

[Elmarie]

Thank you LastMonth :) For your kind words. English is also my second language. I feel I don't deserve such praise but loved it all the same. Thank you for your review. Blessings El