A day , A life

A poem about the fleeting cycles of a day, reflecting life’s struggles and hope for change

The morning is fresh, yet it fades too soon,

Sunlight streams through the trees, a soft tune.

Life feels like a dream, so full of chance,

The air is clean, making my heart dance.

I stretch and yawn, time feels so kind,

Like the whole world has paused in my mind.

My mother would say, “The morning’s key,

It shapes the day for you and me.”

But afternoon comes, and the magic fades,

The sun feels harsh, the peace it raids.

A reminder that time is never still,

Forever’s a myth, not ours to fulfil.

Evening arrives, and regrets take hold,

The race begins as the hours grow cold.

Rushing around, trying to make things right,

Before the day fades into the night.

Then night appears with lessons to teach,

Will I learn, or stay out of reach?

The cycle continues, the same each day,

Will I find the strength to break away?

My life is a day, so simple and clear:

Mornings are calm, filled with cheer.

Afternoons stress me, the weight sets in,

Evenings bring regret for what could’ve been.

But at night, hope whispers, soft and near,

A promise of change, a voice to hear.

Oh God, help me break these chains that bind,

Give me strength and peace of mind.

Free my soul to live for You,

To fulfil your purpose in all I do.

Author's Note

This poem mirrors how each part of the day feels like a stage of life. Can you relate?

Reviews

[emipoemi]

"Forever's a myth, not ours to fulfill" – 😳😳.....goodness where did that come from!? That's brilliant. Kind of a play on "there's not to reason why, there's but to do and die" from Tennyson, but I came to that line and oh my goodness, I had to take a breather! If I may give a critique: the second to last stanza (beginning with "my life in a day, so simple and clear") as much as there are so many lines that I adore is actually redundant and unnecessary. Frankly, though, I would suggest, reworking the better lines of that stanza and switching out the repetitions that have not as much power. But my suggestion to take it out entirely is because the transition to the final stanza is better (the night portion, where you say hope whispers and promises change, kind of undermines the strength you're requesting from "God", because there's that hope: night is the best part of the day because of hope and lessons, and I feel you should lean on that more, and not sure how to transition back to the final stanza, but also, if night has hope and promise, it also undermines the brilliance of my favourite line "forever's a myth" as peace is a sensation of eternity- bliss is heaven on earth, hope is a candle that leads to the guiding light of heaven. So careful with the message at the end, but you have a fantastic concept here! Absolutely! Well done!

[Elly]

Wow, thank you so much for your thoughtful critique! I really appreciate how in-depth you went with your comment, and I enjoyed reading it. I will definitely take your advice into account for my next poems. I often use redundancies to emphasize certain ideas, but I agree that sometimes they can feel unnecessary. Now that you mention it, I do notice my transitions could be smoother, so I’ll work on that too. Thanks again! I love hearing from you and really appreciate the kind words and constructive criticism. I hope you stick around—I enjoy your comments

[emipoemi]

Keep writing like this, and it would give me a reason to stick around lol You're very welcome. Always happy to help (yes redundancy can be good if used properly but it requires tact. If you're just repeating something because you need an extra line or something in order to maintain consistency, then it's rather frowned upon).

[Elly]

Haha, thank you! I appreciate that, and I’m glad you enjoy my writing. It means the world to me honestly , because it was hard for me to let the world see my , poems . I never felt like they were good enough.I totally agree with your point about redundancy,it’s definitely a bad habit I’m working on breaking. I tend to overuse it, but I’m learning to be more mindful of it. so thanks again for bringing it up

[emipoemi]

Always happy to help

[lov]

the ending was so desperate yet so hopeful. This poem feels like growing up, reaching into adulthood when you still feel like a kid.
I liked this text very much, thank you for your words.
I just want you to know that this monotony of everyday, it gets better, it will I promise.
It`s the small things.

[Elly]

Thank you so much , for your comment and motivational words, i really appreciate it. If this poem touched your heart please share because my goal is to touch as many hearts as i can through poetry .