Words

I don’t know what I should say; the right words just won’t come. I sit here on the edge of the bed, struggling to make my thoughts come together. My brow knits in frustration as I try to find a way to stitch it all back together. My fingers twist the blanket and I chew my lip, worry gnawing at my stomach. I’m trying so hard not to mess it up, but I’m afraid that I might.

 

You sit on the other side of the bed; you’re so close but you seem a thousand miles from me. You stare down at the pale brown carpet, not really seeing the diamond pattern that covers the floor. Your foot absently taps the floor as your fingers run over the string of an old rosary. You’ve never used that rosary, but you always have it. You play with it when you’re distracted, when you’re nervous, when you’re trying to make things right. You lick your lips and continue staring at the floor.

 

My mind races as I stare at the picture of the actress on the wall. She looks nothing like you with her long blonde hair and thin figure. Her lips are nothing like yours, all red and pouty. You’ve never pouted; it’s just not your way. It’s one of the many things I like about you. You’re so strong and so sure of yourself. I wish I were like you in that aspect. It makes me jealous.

 

 You’ve raised head some and are now gazing at the poem on the wall. It’s a poem about love; you’ve always had it and it’s one of your favorites. The rosary is wrapped around your wrist and you fiddle with the small wooden cross on the end of it. It doesn’t mean anything to you; you just like the shape, the texture. You like the fact that it proves people can have faith in something. You have faith in a lot of things.

 

I let go of the blanket and take a deep breath. I hold it in my chest as my heart races. I find myself unable to say anything and I slowly let the air out. My hands come together and I begin absently picking at a fingernail. My gaze has left the actress and is back on the carpet. The little diamonds blur under my gaze as I run the words over in my head. I don’t know if I have the strength or the courage to say them. I don’t know if it’s the right time.

 

You lift your foot and touch the wall lightly. You leave it there for a moment before bringing it back down. It’s a sign that you want to say something but don’t know how to say it. You unravel the rosary and spread it across you’re lap. You take a deep breath, hold it, then let it back out. You’re nervous, and it shows. You never let it show; you’re never this vulnerable.

 

I take an unsteady breath as my heart beats against my ribcage. I know that if I don’t say it now I never will. My fingers begin tapping against my leg and a chill comes over me. I shake it off. It’s now or never. I stand up and face you.

 

You’ve dropped the rosary and you’re standing to you’re feet. You’re eyes meet mine, piercing me with honesty. You’re lips are parted and the uncertainty shows. You clench and unclench you’re fists as you ready yourself.

 

I stare into your brown eyes, seeing just how scared you are. I know you’re as nervous as I am. It makes it seem a little easier, yet a thousand times harder. I bite my lip and look down for a moment, but my gaze is drawn back up to you. I take a deep breath and open my mouth.

 

You look me straight in the eye. You breathe in and open your mouth to speak.

 

Words collide in midair.

 

“I love you.”

 

So simple; so true. We’ve said the words we thought we never could. And now that we have we find it so easy to say them. We take hesitant steps towards each other. A moment passes and then we are holding each other tight, clinging to a new world that weaves around us. We are both open and vulnerable as we stand together. Nothing seems to matter as we step away and look at one another. And once again, the words are easy.

 

“I love you.”  

Reviews

[compositionc]

That was so angsty in the beginning, I was scared for a second. Then, it ended sort of sweet.