Scars are memories

Tears crawling down her cheek,

anger rises,it beings to peak,

without thinking, without warning,

it's their love that she is mourning.

 

Her sadness unleashed, much too wild,

she cries and screams just like a child,

uncontrolling, undevoting,

it's his love that she is loathing.

 

What to fix, where to start,

darkness creeps across her heart,

forever cracked, forever broken,

it's her life that he has sunken.

 

Voices constantly in her mind,

she begs them please just to be kind,

never pretty, never thin,

she lets them out on to her skin.

 

Scars are memories, her reminder,

to tell the voices they must be kinder.

she is pretty, she is thin,

she no longer lets them out on her skin.

Author's Note

please tell me what you think about this piece
thank you

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Not bad, and I think the subtle lyrical quality you've used in this is very well-done, especially considering that it's a difficult thing to get right. I'd consider maybe switching up the rhyme scheme a little - it seems somewhat simple, to be honest, but that's up to you. Well done.

[Hatchling]

Well done

[R. L. Ives]

Voices constantly in her mind,
she begs them please just to be kind,
never pretty, never thin,
she lets them out on to her skin.

This may be completely out of context to your writing, but this brings to mind how cruel our words can be to ourselves, not just the other. When a relationship ends there's always the questions of what could I have done differently, what should they have done that they didn't? I do like how it turned more positive at the end. Given time and forgiveness, the voices can become kinder.

Interpretation - 1% objective, 99% subjective

[Diasha]

I liked it
It had a more optimistic ending vs. the depressing ends my writing usually has.
I like that you could take something sad and turn it around. :]

The first line, I usually vision tears streaming down someones cheeks vs. crawling but It still works :)

and the second line "anger rises it beings to peak" beings = begins?

[oh,hey.]

yeah it was meant to be begins, typing error
thankyou

[Diasha]

XD I have the same prob all the time

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

What I like about this piece is the way that it reads, there is a good flow to it. I like the idea as well, and some of the lines are quite genius--"Voices constantly in her mind,/she begs them please just to be kind".

My suggestions: A little editing. For instance, 2nd line "anger rises it beings to peak"--maybe "anger rises, it begins to peak"? 2nd line 2nd stanza "she cries and scream(s) just like a child". Little things like that.

[oh,hey.]

thankyou, it was meant to be screams it was a typing error
this helped alot

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear oh,hey

Just popping in to give you my thoughts.

I admire this poem, its sentiment, the way you express it.

I carry so many scars, so many memories that scar, I could not even begin to tell you.

I used to live in Cambridge, actually studied there too and have been to Peterborough many times to visit friends.

These are well chosen words that not ony could, but should affect us all, me as much if not more than many.

I would be a poor reviewer, however if I did not point out some tiny flaws, which are merely grammatical. I feel like a pedant mentioning them but they are well intentioned I assure you:

1) 4th line 1st verse, do you mean 'their love''?
2) 1st line 2nd verse, do you mean 'much too wild''?
3) 2nd line 2nd verse, do you mean 'and screams''?
4) 4th line, 2nd verse, do you mean 'it's his love'?
5) 4th line, 3rd verse, do you mean 'it's her love'?

If anyone were to erect a tombstone on my death, which I doubt, I fear that the words 'He could spell' might be all that could be said of me, and even then?.

I hope this helps.

I hate grammar. It has been the bane of my life. Just feel the music of your writing. Round the edges a small eye to grammar is merely another part of attention to artistic detail.

My little offering for what it is worth.

You have all my encouragement to keep on writing. You have much to say. It is lyrical and well expressed. Let us hear more please.

With my kind regards and a smile

James

PS Any spelling mistakes in my own review of your lovely poem are entirely down to my own ineptitude

[oh,hey.]

thanks this helped alot, I better get correcting

[Rebecca Dias]

Words on my mind every day. Very nice wrinting. I love the words used

[Jem Sagcal]

A sad poem with so much emotion. I found your choice of words beautiful and I always love how you can make the readers feel something. Great piece.

[Shannen Forrester]

really good, full of feeling and well written, the rhyming scheme breaks down at the end of the third stanza which is a shame because everything else is perfect :)

[oh,hey.]

thanks for the comments :)

[Zap-the-awesome]

Wow this was touching. I think it's meaning that the voices in her head (her own memories at that) are causing her to cut her wrists (hence letting them out on her skin) am I right? Whether or not, good work!

[oh,hey.]

yeah that was what the poem focused on + thank you