Chapter 17:

Chapter 17

Lucas

This is the only way. If we want to find safety, would it not make sense to head for a place you know is safe, from past experience at least? He is right. Jason is right. I need to find a safe place for my wife and children. For my sister and the life inside of her. I owe them that much at least, do I not?

I will call a group meeting first thing in the morning. Get some sleep. Once we have all had some sleep, people will be more willing to at least give this idea a chance. It has got so dark. I look at my watch. It is nearly nine. Wow, this day has...has dragged to say the least. Everything has changed drastically. Death, followed by birth. Everything has changed. I've lost a close friend and gained a daughter. I can never forget this day. I can't tell Helene about Sam; it would destroy her after everything. Sam was her best friend, the one person she trusted. God, why did no-one try to save her? Or put her out of her misery? No, we just left her to get ripped apart by a horde. I nearly left my own son behind without thinking. Christ, how could I do that? I owe Jason and Elektra everything; they put their lives at risk to save Alfie when I was consumed with saving my wife and unborn child.

I am a terrible human being.

I sit down next to Helene. She seems out of it but she is still clutching Sophia. My girls.

“How are my girls doing?”

“Uh huh. She sleeps mainly. Mon petit ange.” She smiles and pulls Sophia up to her shoulder. Sophia nestles into Helene's neck. There is such tranquillity radiating from Helene. I kiss Helene's forehead and place my arm around her shoulder. I just want to stay in this moment. This is...is a good moment. This is real. My wife is alive, warm in my arms. My son is asleep in the car. My baby daughter is breathing softly. This is what I always wanted and, now I have it.

“Do you want to get some rest? I can take her if you want,” Elektra asks, stretching. She has bandaged her hands and knees after the incident with Jason. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but still...there was no need to be violent towards her.

I take a moment. I feel so tired and Helene looks half asleep anyway.

“If you are okay with that then thanks.” I scoop Sophia up and place her into Elektra's arms. I smile at her and she smiles back.

“Take as much time as you need; I had a nap for an hour so I'm fresh as a daisy,” she replies, rocking Sophia.

“Thank you.”

“It's okay, I mean it's no great feat-”

“No, not just for this. You saved Helene's life. You saved my children's lives. That's something I can never repay,” I interrupt, placing my hand on her arm. She smiles but quickly changes her expression, becoming stern and withdrawn.

“Believe me, you don't owe me anything. I just did what anyone would do. It was nothing, okay?”

“It means everything to me, to us. Not everyone would do what you did; most people wouldn't have put their lives on the line for people they just met. I just want you to know that I appreciate what you did. Just accept my thanks and go forth.”

Elektra nods and begins to wander back to the car, avoiding Danny who is sitting by a dying fire. I am pretty sure something must have happened. Jason is sitting in a car, fiddling with something. Oh wait. Oh. Oh, I see. I don't think I want to know what he is fiddling with. I avert my eyes, back to my wife. She is trying to get up but the strength in her legs seems to fail her. I run over to her and offer her my arms. Her legs seem like deer legs on ice. I pick up her and take her back to our car. I place her in the passenger seat and move back to the driver's side.

I feel so tired. My legs ache. My back aches. My shoulders ache. I hadn't realised how much until now. I adjust my position so I can stretch my legs out as far as possible. I turn to face Helene. She is breathing heavily, her hands resting on her stomach. I place my hand on her stomach and lean back. I can feel her warmth. She's still alive. I could have lost her but she is still here. She sighs. I can't help but look at her; I think nearly losing her has made me appreciate what I have so much more.

“Helene? Helene? You okay?”
“Uh hm. As well as expected. So tired. Fatigue,” she strains to say, adjusting her position to find comfort.

“You get some sleep, my love. You need to rest. Group meeting in the morning and then, then we head to Germany. Do you think it's a good idea?” I ask. I turn my head. She's asleep. Hmm, that is not the first time that has happened. I smile to myself and close my eyes. In the morning, group meeting. I just have to convince them of the benefits, omitting the less than positive outcomes. How am I supposed to convince Danny of anything? He already distrusts my judgement.

I dream I am standing on the edge of a cliff. I feel the breeze of the sea brushing through my hair. I look around; no-one is around me. My isolation does worry me but it is not the most important thing. I feel like I have lost something. Something important. Something irreplaceable. I look around me. There is nothing around me. Just grass and rock. No Risers wandering. No blood painting the streets red. There is just nothing.

I am at peace here.

I take a deep breath. The smell of the sea overpowers me.

I make my way towards my car, a few streets away. The sound of silence deafens me. I am on my guard. I get into the car, the key in my breast pocket. I adjust my rear view mirror. This is when I begin to panic. I am covered in blood; I have no idea whether it is my blood or someone else's. In the back of the car, there are a pile of limbs. I can't even tell who the person was. They are nothing more than a collection of flesh, blood and bone. I start the car. I have to leave this place. There is somewhere I have to go. My life or someone else's life depends on it. I can't remember. I don't know where I am. I have never been here before. I don't want to be. I don't trust it at all.

I begin to hit the accelerator. I need to be quick. Why do I need to be quick? Where is my final destination? I try to slow down but...it fails. My brakes have been ripped out. I can't stop. I try to unbuckle myself but the buckle is stuck. I take my hands off the wheel to try and free myself. I can do it; it can't be too difficult. When I move my head up, I see Helene. She is holding the hands of Sophia and Alfie. I'm going to hit them. If I hit them at this speed, I'm going to kill them. I can't stop myself. I try to swerve but I swerve too late. I feel their bones crack underneath the weight of the car. I scream. I can't. I can't. Their screams ring out.

The car seems to control itself. I hit the dashboard and steering wheel but it does nothing. Absolutely nothing. Oh God, I'm heading towards the cliff. I'm about to Thelma and Louise this b***h. I struggle, try to fight my fate. I can't stop it. I give up. I can taste the blood, dripping down from my forehead. It feels like someone has poured a bucket of blood over me; justice for everything I have done. Bathing in the blood of my victims. I rub my face and take a deep breath. I can go out of this fighting yet. There is a peace in resignation, a peace in acceptance.

The cliff is a few metres away. I tense my body. The car leaps off of the cliff. I feel the force break my neck as I descend into a sea of blood.

I wake up sweating. I look immediately to Helene; she's still there. It was a dream. It was just a dream, not real. Of course it was a dream, something like that would never happen because...because it just wouldn't. I would never allow anything to hurt my wife and children. I would never be so at peace with having a load of limbs cluttering up the back of my car. I've had this dream a lot recently.

“Ce qui? Ce qui?” Helene groans in her sleep. I place my hand on her forehead.

“Nothing. It's nothing, sweetheart. Go back to sleep.” I open the car door and stretch. The sky still appears to have painted with scarlet and white. It can't be too much later than dawn. I crack my knuckles, relishing the sound and sensation. Elektra is sitting on the floor, covered in a blood stained blanket, clutching Sophia. Bless them. Bless.

Jason comes back with a bucket of water. Where he got the bucket from I have no idea. He places the bucket down and splashes his face with water. I walk over to him.

“Jason, everything all right?”

He looks up quickly, jumping slightly.

“Yes, everything is fine. Everything all right with you?” he responds, slightly breathlessly. Something doesn't see quite right with him. I crack my knuckles again.

“Can't complain, can't complain. Group meeting in five minutes,” I instruct; he nods and goes back for another splash of water.

I walk back to Elektra. I feel bad waking her up; she looks so peaceful and youthful. There is something stern about her when she's awake; sleep seems to remove the scars of time from her. I shake her shoulder, trying to be as gentle so as to not to cause her pain. She winces and her eyes flicker open.

“Group meeting in five.”

“Right you are. Okay,” she sits up and hands Sophia back to me. Elektra rubs her eyes and tries to get to her feet. I give her my shoulder to help her.

“Thanks for looking after her.”

“No problem. She was no trouble at all. She's so quiet,” she says, her finger stroking Sophia's cheek. Bonding. When she was little, she would always look after the children. Little seven year old Elektra couldn't be separated from the younger members of our group. I wonder if she had a role like that in...in...John's posse. She seems to take to it as a duck takes to water but then again, a maternal instinct isn't something that just disappears over time.

“Nothing like Alfie. He would not stop crying; from the moment he was born, it was constant.”

“Huh, I can imagine. There was this baby in Blackheath and she would not stop crying. I stayed up the whole night with her once and she still wouldn't stop. Turns out she was burning a fever that we hadn't noticed.”

“Jesus, was she okay?”

“No. No, the fever burned her out. She was only about three months old; it didn't take long for her body to be cremated,” she responds, her voice devoid of any identifiable emotion. A common practice where she came from, I assume.

“Oh,” I pause for a few seconds, “well, group meeting in five minutes so...yes.”

I head to Danny next; he seems to be awake but I've noticed he can sleep with his eyes open. It's a weird skill, not particularly useful. Creeps the hell out of me.

“Dan, Dan? You awake?”

He jumps, landing on his backside, and pulls his knife out. He exhales and drops the knife.

“Well I'm f***ing awake now, aren't I? What exactly do you want?” He brushes himself down and puts his knife back into his belt.

“Group meeting now. We've got to move on and I think we all need to decide on it together, democratically if you will.”

“So you don't have to take all the blame when things go tits up again?” He takes his pack of cigarettes and pulls one out. He puts it in his mouth and lights it. He puffs on it.

“Germany was your idea intially, you going to reject it now?” I wait a few seconds, “didn't think so.”

He flicks ash from his cigarette and laughs.

“Nah, I wouldn't turn my back on my own idea. We should have gone months ago but it was your decision to stay; what's changed since then?”

“Apart from everything, not much. We haven't got anywhere else to go. I'm thinking about what's best for all of us,” I respond.

“Uh huh. Okay, fine. Group meeting; no-one is exactly going to say no to the only one with a plan.”

I shake my head and walk to a spot in the centre of the cars. I whistle and everyone seems to emerge. It seems like the convergence of the lambs to the slaughter. Germany is our best bet, no matter what anyone says.

“Okay, so I called this meeting because we need to decide where we go next. My judgement has been somewhat tainted,” I shot a look at Danny, his eyes burning into me, “of late. I want where we go next to be a group decision. So, what do we all think? Jason?”

“I think, I think we should go. It's best to leave while we still can,” he begins to chew on the skin around his fingernail.

“That's all well and good, yeah, but why head to Germany? Why not head elsewhere? Why the great yearning to head west?” Elektra intervenes, standing up and crossing her arms.

“Why did you chose to come to France? Hope of finding something better? We were approached by people from a German safe zone a while ago. It is our best bet if we want to find a place to settle down for good,” I respond; she nods and sucks her teeth.

Danny puts his hand up and makes an exaggerated effort of it, as if he was some obnoxious child.

“What wise words do you have for me, Danny? You obviously have an opinion on the matter.”

“Yes, thank you sir. Well, we saw them a while ago so what is the guarantee that they haven't been overrun? Because if we go there and it has been overrun, where the f**k do we go from there?”

I rub the back of my neck and sigh. He does have a valid point. He does. I mean, he was the one who kept going on about following those officers we saw in time. Of course he would choose to change his mind when it comes down to it.

“We have nowhere else to go. There is nothing else for us here; we have become complacent and that complacency has lead us here. We have to at least go to be able to have a chance.”

All of them look to me with confusion. It does make sense. It has to.

“Okay, we put this to a vote.” I look around. “Everyone in favour, wave at me.” It takes a few moments of looking around at each other before any people start to move. Jason raises his hand hesitantly. Elektra follows suit, slightly raising her hand and then dropping it. Danny, watching Elektra's every movement, finally relents. He sighs.

“I guess we're heading west. Better swat up on my German. Heil mein fuhrer and all,” he responds, picking at an existing scab until it finally comes off.

“So we're decided then. Unanimously so. We leave in half an hour so everyone, pack everything you can fit in the cars. You might need to siphon some petrol; it's going to be a long drive.”

“Wait. Wait. What about your wife? Doesn't she get a say? What does Helene say about all of this?” Danny interjects, finally obtaining the upper hand he so desperately wanted.

“My wife has agreed with me. My wife has also been through extreme trauma and needs to rest. Just trust me, we are all in agreement on this matter. Now go. Pack whatever you can,” I assert.

It feels good to be in control.