Chapter 10: Elektra

The shopping centre

Chapter 10

Elektra

There is nothing. Nothing I can think of, at least. There is something about this place that is making me uneasy and, although I know it is stupid, I can't shake the feeling.

I sit down on the pipe, holding onto my shoulder. The bullet wound still hurts like mad but that plays second fiddle to the pain in my stomach. I'll live. I always do. Somehow. I have a heat pack and some paracetamol which is all I need.

Jason comes out of the corridor. I smile to myself; I'm not getting over that hairstyle for a while. I get hit in the stomach and am out of action for a few hours and suddenly he decides to have a midlife crisis. Ha. He continues to walk over to me, chewing at the loose skin around his fingernails.

“Lex, a word please,” he says, gesturing to the front door. I stand and follow him.

The air is bitterly cold, bitingly so. I clutch my heat pack even closer to my upper abdomen, trying to regain some warmth. For all the flaws, you can't deny how fresh the air is. Fresh and pollution free. There is nothing like it, even in England. I take a deep breath.

“Alright, you've got me here. What is it? People will talk.”

“Lucas wants to go out on a raid and he wants us along with him. It is risky but...but there could be a good pay-off.”

“Okay, okay. Why the need for consultation?” I inquire.

“Are you sure you are ready? I mean, after yesterday? In addition to the fact, are we actually any use when it comes down to it?”

“Yes, I'm fine. If we were no use, we would've died. It'll be fine. You haven't questioned our abilities before? Come on, what is it really?”

He sighs.

“I have just been thinking about things. It is not important but I cannot help feeling it. Maybe we should not get involved. I'm just worried about you and how...how-”

“How what?”

“How vulnerable you are.”

I can feel the blood begin to boil. How dare he? How bloody dare he? My vulnerability? The amount of times I have saved his arse and this...this is what I get. The audacity of the man.

I need to calm myself down.

“How vulnerable I am? Since when have I been the weak link? You were more than happy to let me save your arse before we knew so...what has changed? Nothing.”

“Everything has changed Lex! You have a life growing inside of you. I am just worried about you. I am worried that you are going to get yourself killed!” he yells, flailing his arms like a petulant child.

“It's not your place. If I want to risk my life, that is my choice, not your's. If I want to risk this ball of cells' life, that is my sodding choice. So, basically, back off Jace. Back off!”

I march back inside. I guess I appreciate his concern. He's my best friend. The one person I hold above all else. I just...hate being patronised and treated like I'm an invalid. I can still do everything I could before except, maybe, even better. I'm even more experienced. Adept at living under these circumstances. Adept at living under a wandering star, some may go so far as to say.

Lucas walks towards me.

“When do we get going?” I ask, checking that I have my gun in my belt. Yes, it's there. I can feel the metal of the trigger.

“Whenever you're ready. Jason told you about it? And you think it's a good idea?” he says with a perplexed expression. He underestimates my suicidal tendencies.

“Yes, it sounds fine. How far is it? We'd better set off before it gets dark; we don't need Risers making us act irrationally before we've bled the building.”

“Okay, we set off in an hour. If you need to bring another, now would be the time to gather your bearings,” he says, glancing at the fragmented remains of his watch. Why keep a broken watch? Sentimentality? Potentially. Likely, even.

“Just one more thing Lucas, just one. Don't presume to know me. Don't presume to know what's best for me. If you want something, come and talk to me about it and yes, I know I sound hypocritical. I tell you to involve Jason but don't think he speaks for me. He doesn't,” I bauble on, trying articulate myself without success.

“As you wish, madam. An hour, be ready.”

I place my rucksack into the boot of the car. It's at times like this that the lack of an arm is inconvenient. I always took for granted the ease of chucking a bag over my shoulder or placing it on the crook of my arm. Damn. I open the bag and remove my leather jacket. The first and only thing I have of my father. It's amazing how it reminds me of home yet, at the same time, feels so foreign. It's always been an extension of me; as familiar to me as my own skin. Yet, now, it just feels like another item of clothing. It's still blood stained. My father's blood. I quickly shove the jacket back into the bag: I don't need reminders right now.

I take my gun out of my belt. I feel safer with it in my hand; nothing can take me by surprise this way. Not long to go. A few more minutes. Lucas decided we should all go and scout the place out; he decided it wouldn't be wise to run off with all the people capable of defence, considering that would mean leaving his heavily pregnant wife.

Maybe it will be a good base. Likely to still be some supplies there; clothes and that kind of thing.

I close the boot with my elbow and walk towards the river. Large bodies of water still calm me. I need some form of peace in my life. I sit by the bank and just watch the water run. I place my hand in the water. There's an expression that I've always loved: 'You can't step in the same river twice' because the water is always changing. Nothing is ever the same. If you miss one moment, you can never reclaim the same sensation. Everything is always changing. Changing, yet eternal.

Nature will outlive us all. This water may never be the same but it will be here, certain of its course, long after the rest of us have returned to the earth. There's something humbling about that. Admirable, even.

A cold hand grasps my shoulder. I turn my head briefly, shuddering.

“Lucas wants you at the car. Now. It's alright, I don't want to start anything. Just being the messenger.”

Daniel. Just the person I could live the rest of my life without seeing. At least he has the sense to understand why I am sceptical to trust a single word that comes out of his mouth.

“Do you need a hand?” he says, extending his hand to me. I adjust my position and push myself up.

“I don't need anything from you. He's at the car?” I say, brushing the grass off of my trousers. He nods and crosses his arms. I brush past him and he grabs my arm.

“Get off me,” I spit, pulling away from him.

“No. I'm sorry about what happened yesterday but don't act like this. We're going to have to live together so there's no use in being hostile,” he whispers.

“Right. Right. Next time you hit me, don't miss. Aim for the head or watch your arse,” I threaten, finally pulling away from his grip. I can hear him laugh; that's cute, he thinks I'm joking. How dare he think he can touch me after the first impression he left? He's lucky it's just a few broken ribs otherwise Jason would have killed him.

I finally reach the car. Everything has been packed up in cardboard boxes and plastic storage boxes. Amazing how little there is, when it comes down to it. There are so few items of true value that need to be transported. Lucas is leaning on the bonnet having an intense chat with Helene. Alfie is sitting in a child seat in the back of the car. Jason walks out from the building, carrying our rucksacks and two litre bottles of water. Sam follows, carrying a worn box of medical supplies.

“Everybody ready? Helene and Sam will be with me. Elektra, Lucas and Danny, you will be in the car behind. Everyone alright with that?” Lucas asks. Jason looks at me, waiting for my reaction. I nod, scratching my wrist, and look over my shoulder. Jason looks cautiously as he moves forward towards the car. Lucas hands him the keys and whispers something in his ear. Homoerotic much? Jason beckons and I approach.

I enter the car. I curl up into myself and place my hand on my stomach. Jason opens the door and puts the key into the ignition. It feels strange, my stomach. There's a shooting pain yet it feels like it isn't there. It feels like it's in my blood. It's not localised. My blood feels...tight almost. I can't describe the sensation. It's not important.

“Sure I'm not about to be murdered? Your little girlfriend keeps glaring at me,” I hear Danny mutter as he belts up.

“She is not the only one,” Jason replies, shooting a death stare in Danny's direction.

“Okay, I get it. Not my f*****g fault for getting het up but I get it. I keep my mouth shut and there'll be no issues.”

There's an awkward silence. Painfully awkward. Jason places the car into 'drive' and we begin on down the road.

The car reaches the final stretch of road. Jesus, I hadn't imagined how massive the plot is but...wow. It seems to stretch as long as the eye can see; our new home for the mean time. The entire journey has been silent. Lucas has looked over at me every once in a while, turning his head after a few seconds to avoid detection. Jesus, how childish? Our relationship has come down to this; we keep fighting and I guess...I guess we've both changed. Maybe it's just me.

The car halts to a stop. I jolt my head up.

“We here then? I'm just assuming but...” Daniel pipes up, cracking his knuckles.

“No, I just stopped for the good of my health. I need to relieve myself, I'm sure you can entertain yourself for a few minutes,” Jason says as he opens the car door. He glances back at me and walks out. I stare out of the window and exhale. I can hear Daniel sigh.

“You alright?” he asks.

“Why do you care?” I reply, fixing my gaze on the building.

“If it makes you feel any better, I don't actually care. Just trying to make conversation.”

“Don't feel obligated,” I respond.

Silence. I am not in the mood to make conversation with that arsehole. Bloody hell, I need time by myself; why do people keep forcing me to socialise?

I can see Lucas' car stop and he exits the car. The entire group heads for the entrance. Part of me wants to just grab the wheel and take a drive off of a bridge. The only thing that stops me is that I don't have the energy. Plus, is it really my right to make such a decision? Screw it.

I hear Daniel move and open a zip. I hear liquid slop from one side of a glass bottle to the other. He has something in the back. I turn my head and peer over the top of my seat. He has a bottle filled with a brownish, golden liquid. Of course he does. “Only take the necessities”, am I genuinely surprised that at least one person would value alcohol above items like, I don't know, food or water?

“Want some? Peace offering? Quickly before your boyfriend gets back.” he offers, extending the bottle to me.

“Peace offering? F*****g peace offering? Alright then,” I say as I take the bottle, “if this is poisoned I will know. He isn't my boyfriend and he doesn't make my decisions for me.”

I take a swig of the liquid. That taste does not get better the second time. It still tastes like liquid hairspray which can't be good. Jason doesn't make my choices and if I want to do something, I will.

“Doesn't appear that way. He looked deranged when he saw I'd touched you. Real loyalty that. Better hand that bottle back; he's heading back now.”

I hand the bottle back and adjust my position. Daniel takes another sip and screws the lid back on. The car door opens and Jason climbs in. He sniffs and runs his fingers back through his hair. He places the key back into the ignition and places the car into drive.

“We saw you stop back there; we thought you might change your minds about this but no, you were just stalling I see,” Lucas states as he places a clear plastic box on supplies on a bench near the entrance.

“Wouldn't do that. No point; it would just be a waste of petrol. Can't afford to waste a finite resource,” I retort, taking a sip of water. I feel sick. My stomach kills and now I feel ready to lose my breakfast; fantastic, absolutely fantastic. The sooner this pregnancy is over and done with the better. Or at least this phase.

Jason taps my arm and makes a gesture to an empty space. I nod and allow him to lead. I hand him the bottle of water and he accepts, taking a gulp.

There is a moment of silence before he begins to speak.

“Okay, I understand that you are independent, I know that. It is one of your most defining characteristic but cut it out. Do not act in such a stupid, bloody manner. It is just insolent. Drinking to spite me? Grow up,” he chides, gripping the bottle. I roll my eyes and start moving backwards. I pause and glance back.

“You think I'm doing this to spite you? I don't have the energy to actively piss you off. Have you considered that maybe I need something to take the edge off of this s**t-storm?” I ask, trying to control my breathing. I can't see the point in allowing myself to become as stressed as he expects.

“You may have given up on yourself but I have not. I am not going to give up on you. One of us has to be willing to survive.”

He cracks his knuckles and looks up at me.

“Fair enough. Fair enough. I'm tired of fighting with you so just...get it out of your system. If we're going to do this, fit in with this group, we can't be at each other's throats,” I whisper, cautious not to attract the attention of the others.

“You are right. I still do not trust it at all. This whole set up; it is too big a plot of land to simply have no one occupying it. What do you think?” he asks.

“I don't know. As long as we get what we need and get out before things go to hell, I don't particularly care.”

Jason hands the bottle back to me and I wipe the top of the bottle. I take a sip and allow the water to rehydrate me. We can't afford to be petty. Don't be deceived, I still mean what I said; I don't need a bloody governess telling how to live my life.

“Elektra? You two all right over there?” Lucas yells, beckoning us both over. I give him a thumbs up and begin my way back over. I take my gun out of my belt and check how many bullets I have left. Three. Three bullets. Three Risers. If I'm careful, and line them up properly, maybe I can take out more. As long as they aren't many of them lurking in the corners, I should be able to take them, if it comes down to it. It'll be fine though because I won't be alone.

As long as I play this right.