Chapter 6: Jason

France...

Chapter 6

Jason

We have been driving for six hours in total silence. Elektra looks as if she is about to either murder or maim me or vomit again. What is wrong with her? I understand why she may not want to talk about Roman just yet but still, there is something wrong with her. Probably just hormones but I am sick of being her human punch bag. I understand I did the wrong thing. I knew Elektra was there but...I still fired the gun. In some way, I wanted him dead for my own personal gain. I thought, if he was dead, she could give up on him but I guess I didn't think the plan through. Of course she would see everything. She hates me now. The complete opposite result.

It is now pitch black. I have no idea where we are going but I just continue on the motorways and roads that I can. There was a massive pileup on a road leading to Paris. We still have seen no human activity. Where is everyone? An entire population and we haven't even encountered one. We have seen a few Risers but nothing significant. What is going on? They cannot all have vanished, that is not possible.

“Are you going to talk about what happened back there?” I finally decide to break the silence. 

“I told you I don't want to discuss it-” she snaps back. 

“I do not mean about that. I understand that you don't want to talk about it yet and I respect that, I mean I have to. Why were you sick back there? You aren't getting ill are you?” I query, glancing at her hand. She is punching her leg. I grab her hand and hold it. She tries to pull away but sighs and replies. 

“I don't know, okay? I just feel sick and my stomach hurts and I don't need this right now. I haven't felt right since yesterday,” she pauses,” Jason. Pull over. Pull over right now!” I bring the car to a halt and she exits the car. She makes it a few metres before she begins to be violently sick once again. I debate whether to go out there, reassure her. Then again, I think I am her least favourite person of the moment so that may not be a wise move. I look to either side. We do not have much petrol left. We may need to find another vehicle soon unless we hole up somewhere for a few days. Get to know the landscape. Get to a chemist. There is something really not right about her.

I get out of the car and walk over to her. She wipes her mouth and looks up at me. She sits down on the road. 

“What is there even to talk about Jason? People have died, that's just the way things go. I just want to forget the past few days,” she adjusts her position and continues, “there was a family. There was a family in that house with the boat. There was a teenage girl with her brains scattered on a radiator. Her parents committed suicide. It just made me think about things. It made me think about dying. The sick things is I'm not scared of dying anymore Jason. I...want...to die,” she remarks. She stares at me, waiting for my response. She wants to commit suicide. After everything that has happened, maybe being suicidal is the sensible thing to do. Maybe the best thing to do is just give up. God knows everyone wants to give up.

I sit down next to her. I think of what I can say to her. There is nothing that I can say. If she wants to die, that is her right and I have no right to make her survive when she clearly does not want to. To even think of suicide means that she has given up the fight. I can see where she is coming from, I really can. At least, she is talking to me about it, not just self harming. The only reason I want to convince her otherwise is because I know that I could not go on. It would destroy me completely and that may be selfish but that is why I have not told her to take a long walk off a short cliff.

I love her and it kills me to see her like this. To think that I cannot take my eyes off of her for a second or she may slit her wrists or blow her head off. 

“Elektra. If you want to die, I will not stop you. I will stand back. I am not going to force you to keep going if you have already given up. I am done forcing you on a march through hell. Just know this. I am doing it with you. I am not living in a world without you. I will not. So come on, how many bullets do we have in that gun? Come on,” I remark, holding onto her hand. She looks slightly bemused at that statement. Not the reaction she was expecting I bet.

“Jason,” she mutters as she takes her gun out. She just stares at it and then looks at me. 

“No, come on. If you die, I die too. My mind is set so come on!” I articulate. She goes to say something but hesitates. She places the gun towards my head. 

“You sure?” she questions. 

“Of course,” I say with a smile. She places the gun against my forehead. I can feel her shaking. I place my hand around the gun, holding it in place. I have just given the absolute perfect opportunity to do it and she's hesitating. That speaks volumes. A person who truly wanted to do this would not hesitate. They would just pull the trigger but she cannot. That truly speaks volumes.

She drops the gun and sighs. I place my hand on her cheek. 

“I thought so,” I announce as I take the gun from her. She just sits and looks at her hand. She keeps trying to speak but no words come out. We just sit in silence for a few minutes. There is nothing either one of us can say that will change anything whatsoever. After a while, Elektra gets up and trudges towards the car. I sigh and ruffle my hair. It has gotten so long. I need a haircut. I walk towards the car and get back inside.

We reach a little town, just outside of Paris. There are two supermarkets; a post office joined to a stationary shop and, potentially the most important thing, a pharmacy with a flat above it. The car wheezes its last as we pull up into an old car park.  

“Want to check out the pharmacy? Might be something useful in there and, if there is, we could hole up there for a few days.” 

“Okay,” she mutters. She is thinking about something. I can tell by her tone. 

“Are you going to tell me what you're thinking or are you going to keep me in suspense?” I inquire, anticipating her potential responses. I can literally see her thinking. When she is deep in thought, her eyes go mental. When I say mental, what I mean is that they seem to go side to side, as if she is reading text. I have learnt this behaviour of hers.

She glances over at me as if is to implore me to say nothing else. She seems genuinely concerned. She then looks at her hand again. 

“I'm fine. Yeah, if there's going to be any good stuff, it's going to be in there,” she says as she exits the car. This goes further than her suicidal thoughts; there is something seriously wrong and it is driving me insane not knowing what it is. I will get it out of her even if it kills me.

I exit the car and slam the door. I wait a few seconds. No Risers in the local area. Great. I walk quickly forward to catch up with Elektra. 

“Elektra? Is this about what happened back there?” 

“No, not everything is about that. Jason, what did Connall do to me?” she asks, looking sheepish. The blood has drained from her face. 

“I do not know, well apart from the whole hacking your hand off. I was unconscious too, remember. He tried to shoot me in the head. Elektra, what is it?” 

“He just said something and I hadn't thought of it until now. He said he had his fun anyway. It's probably nothing,” she remarks. What? Oh my god, he may have hurt her. Hurt her in another way entirely. I should have killed him. Killed him when I had the chance. He probably raped her. He was that kind of man. 

“We had better get into the pharmacy, just to make sure. We cannot be sure what he did. You are right, it is probably nothing but there is no harm in checking.” I say that. I wish I could believe it. There is something that is not right and it all adds up. Just another thing that we do not need. 

“What if...what if-” 

“We will cross that bridge if we come to it. Don't assume the outcome,” I interrupt. I cannot let her finish that sentence. I do not want to think about him...touching her like that. Getting inside of her; violating her. It makes me feel physically ill.

We approach the door and, thankfully, it is open. Why is it open? 

“Follow my lead,” I instruct. She nods and draws her gun. I take a few steps inside the shop. It is really dark but it is light enough to see items in the aisles. I beckon her forward. I walk down through aisle one. Germoline, piles cream and Benecol. All useless to us at the moment. Well I say that...I speak for myself. The next aisle is not much better. Vitamins, teething gels and ovulation tests. I pick up one of the ovulation tests and look at the box. Empty. Who steals a device but leaves the box? Did it take too much effort for them? I place it back and walk on.

“Jason?” Elektra yells, trying to determine my location. 

“Aisle two. Where are you? Any luck?” I reply, clicking my heels. She suddenly appears from the front of the aisle. She walks towards me, looking at the various sections. She has a box in her hand. 

“You found it then,” I gesture towards the item. She nods and examines the box. 

“Most accurate. Gives the result and how far along. If I am, this will confirm it. It will confirm everything I need to know,” she says, picking away at the corner of the box. I place my hand on hers. 

“Elektra, if you are...you know...um,” I stutter. How can I say this? 

“Pregnant?” she replies, almost instantly. 

“Yes. What do we do if it is positive? Where do we go from there?” I ask, trying to be as delicate as I can be. 

“There is no question. We don't go anywhere because, if I am, then I am getting rid of it. I've made myself perfectly clear about things like that,” she remarks bluntly. She does not even look up from the packaging. 

“Elektra-” 

“There is no discussion Jason. I won't be convinced. It's not a baby yet, not alive. It would be just a ball of cells so there is no discussion; I just need to know so I can do what has to be done,” she snaps.

I have no right to press her about it. I do not want her to be pregnant. I just don't. She does not either so what is the issue? The issue is it is still a baby. It may just be a ball of cells but that ball of cells will grow and develop. Having a baby would be difficult but it is a life. There is so much death in this world, the baby would be a break from it but, at the end of the day, it is her choice.

“Do you need a few minutes?” I ask. 

“Yeah, excuse me. I have needed to pee since a few miles back anyway.” She walks out of the door and there is nothing but to wait. Oh god, please don't let her be pregnant for her sake as well as mine. She could not kill herself; what makes her think she could kill a child that is growing inside her? Something that is undeniably a part of her? I know she could not do it. I just don't want it to come down to that. I do not want her to have to do that.

I should have killed Connall when I had the chance. Back in the shopping centre. I should have just fired as soon as I saw him. I thought I could get out of that situation without spilling any blood. It is my fault. It is my fault that Linda, Max and Dave are dead. It is my fault that Elektra does not have her right hand and I do not have my eye. If Elektra is pregnant, that is on me. I pretty much gave him the opportunity to do what he wanted with her. How could I let it happen?

The wait is killing me. I wander to calm my nerves. There are prenatal and postnatal vitamins. The proper nutrition for the mother and baby. The picture is such a cliché. A smiling mother holding a blonde haired, blue eyed baby. I have never seen that. A baby is a burden. It was probably a burden before and, because of this, it has intensified. Having a baby is an even bigger risk but is it worth it?

The weird thing is it could be worth it. I have always wanted to be a dad. Elektra does not give her caring nature enough credit. It could work but it wouldn't. There is no question. There cannot be any doubt in this matter. I put a few bottles of vitamins in my bag and walk out of the front door. I cannot stand this. She is sitting on the edge of the pavement, shaking the stick. I sit next to her. 

“So, is it ready yet?” 

“Is it ready yet'? It's not a meal Jason and no. Just a few more seconds I think,” she looks down at it again. If this is killing me, I cannot imagine what it is like for her.

“Did you have any trouble? You know, urinating?” I inquire, trying to diffuse the tension. She looks at me as if I have some form of mental retardation. 

“Did I have any trouble 'urinating'? Do you really want to know the answer to that? If you did, then no. I told you I was dying for a piss,” she replies, completely straight faced. I press my lips together and clear my throat.

She looks at the stick once again but there is a different reaction registered on her face. She has the result. Oh god. 

“Ar..are you...are you-” I stutter. She holds the test up. She is pregnant. Three weeks. Connall got her pregnant. She throws the test down and puts her head in her hand. She stands and walks towards the wall. I pick the test up. She is pregnant. The worst possible outcome. It is sick that I am glad. I mean I want Connall dead for what he did to her and her pregnancy is the final proof that I should have put him down when I had the chance. But this is actually happening. A baby is like a symbol of hope and maybe I can convince her of that. I groan as I get up and I walk over to her. She has her hand on her stomach. She is hitting her stomach.

I hold out the test to her and she just leans back against the wall. 

“I would be right in thinking the liquid is your pee, right?” I say jovially. She scoffs. 

“No, it's my waters,” she catches what she just said and falls silent again. She looks at me and looks down. 

“What the hell am I supposed to do Jason? I can't do this...I can't be pregnant. I can't knowingly bring a child into this.” 

“Elektra, honey, you do not have to make any decisions right now. Anyway, the rate of miscarriage in the first trimester is significantly higher than at any other point in pregnancy,” she looks entirely perplexed, “or so I heard. May just be a load of rubbish. I don't know. So, you want to stay here? It's easy enough to fortify.” Elektra almost smiles, catches herself and just nods.

Oh great, here come the Calvary. There are five of them, walking towards us like they have had a hip replacement. I take my knife out; Elektra takes her hammer out. I run at the first one and push the knife through the bottom of its jaw. It falls pretty quickly. Elektra walks towards the next, raises her hammer and begins to pound down on his head. I can hear his skull crack. I stab another through the top of her head. Her head went almost like a boiled egg. It is repulsive. Elektra moves, almost stalking this one Riser. She creeps up behind it and impales its forehead from behind. She drags him to the pavement. She then detaches him and joins me.

“Would you care for the honours?” I gesture to Elektra. 

“Are you sure?” she asks, shuffling towards him. “Yes, you have had a pretty crap few weeks. You have earned a bit of stress relief and there are no stress balls around.” She smiles and strikes. She keeps hitting him, again and again and again. This Riser is on the ground but she keeps striking him in the face. The skin has peeled from the face and the blood has sprayed, covering Elektra. She does not stop, grunting with each hit but it does not deter her.

I put my hand on her shoulder and she finally stands away. She yawns and stretches. She turns around to face me. I draw him and place her securely in my arms. 

“Whatever you decide, know I will support you no matter. You do not have to be isolated,” I whisper in her ear. She snuggles into the crook of my neck. I stroke her hair, trying to comfort her or lull her into some form of security.

She wraps her arms around my chest. She begins to sob into my shirt. I continue to stroke her hair; she has rarely shown this much vulnerability. Even when Marcus died, she would not talk about it for weeks. She has this habit of becoming a blank canvas when she needs to be. She can retract into herself but, now she is showing me how vulnerable she really is.

I walk back towards the pavement and Elektra follows, holding my hand. I sit down and she joins me, resting her head on my shoulder. I place my arm around her shoulder. She snuggles into me. I keep stroking her hair. I place a strand of hair, that hangs in front of her eyes, behind her ear. She seems to be calming down a little bit now I think. Her body has become slightly limp. I look at her face; she is asleep. She slumps down onto my lap. I am getting pins and needles in my legs but I cannot bring myself to wake her up. She looks so young when she is asleep; not that I watch her sleep or anything. Okay, sometimes I do but there is something calming about it. This predicament has a way of ageing people. She seems so much older than her years; it is easy to forget that she is younger than me.

I sit with her on my lap for a few hours. I do not want to move her in case it wakes her. It has been a tough few weeks for both of us, but for her especially. Every worst case scenario has happened and happened with a vengeance. I have to move. I scoop her into my arms and carry her into the pharmacy. There are a set of stairs leading to the flat above. I can do. She is not too heavy. I am just more cautious considering her condition. It takes a struggle but I finally make it to the flat's front door. Not too bad. I tap the door with my foot. It opens. There is not much furniture but I spot a fabric sofa. I lay her down and I kiss the top of her head. I sit in the arm chair facing her. I slide down into the chair and cross my arms. I am so tired.

I let my eyes close.

I wake up to near total darkness, apart from a candle in the middle of the floor. Elektra must have woken up; I look down. I have a jacket covering my arms. She must have put it over me. I yawn and stretch. I scratch my stomach and stand up. “Elektra?” I ask, wiping my eyes. She appears from a room on the right and walks to me. She wipes her mouth and sits back down on the sofa.

“Are you alright?” I query. She leans back and begins to tap her fingers on the arm of the sofa. She takes a minute to think of a response. 

“I guess so. I mean I feel like s**t but I've felt worse,” she replies, bringing her knee to her chest. She rests her chin against it and bites her lip. 

“How long have you been awake?” I ask, stretching my arm. It gives a satisfying click as I do which relieves the tension in my shoulder. 

“I don't know. An hour maybe. I've just been looking what stuff they have here; it's a pretty decent stash. There's very little food here but we have the supermarkets just a few metres away. It is viable that we could stay here...for as long as we need. There's no beds or anything but the seating is sufficient, isn't it?” she responds, now chewing on the skin around her fingernail. 

“Yes sure. If you think it is fine, that is enough for me. Maybe we should scout out the supermarkets, see if there is enough food to keep us going for a while. We might want to look for somewhere else, in case something should happen here,” I acknowledge. 

“You're right. Do you need any more sleep? We could go now while we still have daylight but if you are still tired, we could-” 

“No. No, I am fine. I have had more than enough sleep. Are you sure you are not tired?” I respond. She woke up before me so she cannot have slept for too long. She sleeps very little these days.

“I'm fine. I slept on the boat as well so I'm okay. Don't worry about me; I'm not the biggest concern right now. A horde of Risers blew past earlier. It wasn't massive but there is undeniable activity here. Shall we get going then?” 

“Alright, alright. Yes, now is as good a time as any other. Wait, I picked this up down stairs,” I open my bag and pass her sickness tablets. She accepts them and opens the packet. She pops a pill into her mouth and swallows it.

“Come on,” she beckons and walks out of the door.

We walk the few metres to the first supermarket. I walk into the building but Elektra pauses and stares at it. 

“Jason, look at this,” she instructs, folding her arms. I run to the notice on the front wall of the outlet. It is a poster of some kind. It is an address and a slogan. 'Find us. Those who arrive, thrive.'. There is a map. 

“X marks the spot right?” Elektra says, pointing to the dot in the centre of a drawn map. She looks to me. 

“No. No. Elektra, we do not have any form of transport and, if they are advertising, it is most likely a trap. I learnt that the hard way,” I assert. The last time my group followed an advertised trail, people died. We were jumped and looted. We lost a lot of people. Marcus did not let anyone go out further than a mile for a few months. He was not prepared to lose anyone else. 

“I know. It most likely is a trap. But think about this logically, we have an advantage. We are prepared for it to be a fiction and let's face it, are they going to attack a pregnant girl?” she jokes. I smile. I cannot believe she is actually joking about it. She keeps finding new ways of surprising me, new ways to keep me on my toes.

“Okay, I will look around for a vehicle. I am assuming that the French government did better with their fuel preservation. They may have done better than the British,” I say, walking to a car that has been parked outside of the car park. I open the driver's side door and begin tinkering with the wires. It jumps to a start.

"One second, okay?" Elektra says, as she runs back to the poster. She rips it down and folds it into the front pocket of her rucksack. She jogs back, holding her stomach.

"Might be useful to know where we are going. You can read a map right? Because if we're relying on me, we're screwed. I just walked and hoped for the best. Did...Marcus teach you how?" Elektra asks, clearing her throat afterwards.

"Yeah, yeah. I know my way around a map Lex. Come on, let's do this. Get in then," I gesture to the passenger side and she slides in. I close the door and enter the driver's side. I put the car into drive and we set off. Within a matter of minutes, I can hear a gentle snore coming from her. I knew she was tired.

'Oh no, I'm fine' and no less than half an hour later, out like a light.

Author's Note

What do you think?