MEMORIES OF MY BELOVED FRIEND, DAVID

     

 

     Momma used to say that you can count all your real, true, and special friends, throughout an entire lifetime, on one hand and still have fingers left over.  David was one of those rare few friends, in my life.   We first met 35 years ago at a prayer meeting.  It was the same time I met  Fr. Fredricks whom I wrote about in my story, "He Touched My Soul."   The prayer meeting was held in the home of a member of David's church and he went to it because the  charismatic movement was new in this area and he wanted to make sure it was not some sort of strange cult leading us astray.   

 

     Since I moved in with my daughter  in mid May, I had been asking her to take me to visit him but she had not found the time yet to do so.  I just found out Sunday evening that he died and his funeral was Sunday afternoon.  He was 81 and had been fighting cancer for the last few years.  Early in the week, my spirit must have realized that he was not as well as he tried to pretend, because my prayers for him changed as I found myself asking God to spare him from suffering any more pain than was absolutely necessary.  

 

        In my entire life, David was the only man who saw me at my very worst, my best, and everywhere in between.  Yet he truly loved me unconditionally, like a father should.   He was a wonderful trustworthy friend who would always listen and never judge no matter what I said or did.  I could and did confide so much to him, even things I kept secret from others.  There have been many times in my life that he has helped me to hold onto my faith in God and in humanity.  He has seen me through so many trials and storms; and never preached at me, even though he was in fact, a preacher.  He was a priest and Canon in the Anglican church. 

 

     David often came to visit when I was in the middle of a dirty job, like painting walls.  Once, he dropped in on his way from a funeral, still in his long black robe.   He wanted to say hi to my husband, Tom.  But I told him we were tearing down a lath and plaster wall and the house was a mess from the plaster flying everywhere.   He said, "Don't you worry about that, Mutt!  I came to see you not your house."  And he walked into the messiest room to say hi to Tom, even helped him finish tearing down the wall.  By the time he left, his robe was totally covered with plaster dust. 

 

     Tom avoided all churches since he was in his early teens and had never liked ministers of any kind, coming to our home.  But that day, through his helpfulness and down to earth attitude, David left a lasting impression on him.  Tom not only liked him, but admired and respected him too.  That was amazing,  since Tom always said he had no use for any ministers because he considered them to be hypocrites, never practicing what  they preached, yet they expected everyone else to look up to them.  That one visit, changed his view of the clergy, well of one clergyman anyway. 

 

     David never considered himself to be above anyone, or anything.  He respected our friendship, and me, enough to have deep and meaningful conversations about a lot of different subjects.  At times, he confided in me when he was concerned about something.  And, he even sought  my advice, when he was not sure how to handle a certain situation which he knew I had experienced in the past, and could thus understand and offer him a different perspective.  

 

     Through him, the Lord taught me so much about unconditional love.  He looked for the silver linings in every cloud, and taught me to do the same.  After reading a poem I was writing when he dropped in one day, he encouraged me to keep writing from my heart and to share my poetry.  In fact, he kept a copy of most of them and read, or had me read, some of them to the church  congregation.  

 

     After he officially retired years ago, he seemed to work even more, as he was always filling in as interim pastor when any church in this province was without a minister.  He even stayed at one remote church for over 3 years until the bishop found a priest who would be willing to go to that island, and one the congregation would accept as well.  Even in his 80th year, he pastored a church for a little over a year; holding services, visiting the elderly and shut-ins in that parish too.  But, no matter where he was, we stayed in touch.

 

     David had a great sense of humor too.   We were discussing ancestry one day and I said, "I am sort of a 'Heinz 57' definitely not a purebred, anything."   

 

     His eyes twinkled as he responded, "Oh not a purebred, you say!  Well that must mean you're a bit of a mutt then."  Thus Mutt became his pet name for me.

 

     For the next 10 years that he was the pastor of our church,  he would walk down the aisle and greet people by name before the service.  Every time he saw me walk in, he would come over, grin, pat me on the head and/or ruffle my hair and say something like,  "How are you today. Mutt?"  Or his grin would get even bigger with, "Good thing you showed today, Mutt!   Wouldn't want you to miss the sermon I wrote with your name on it!"   Ultimately,  those sermons would remind me of a discussion we had sometime earlier, as he expounded upon the new insight he gleaned from a friend. 

 

     One day, he didn't ruffle my hair and I sat through the service, wondering if he was upset with me for something.  So, I mentioned it to him right after the service.  Apparently, one of the older ladies told him that it was rude to ruffle my hair because she wouldn't like it if he ruffled hers after she spent so much time curling and combing it.  We shared a good laugh  when I told him it bothered me more because he hadn't.  After that day, he made a point to ruffle my hair every time and everywhere he saw me.  Even when I was in a coma 2 years ago, he ruffled my hair, just so I would know he was there, after he had driven to the hospital to see me and to comfort my grown children.   He visited me after I came out of the coma too, even though I was in isolation for MRSA.  He was 79 years old, and battling cancer, yet he would drive the 90 mile round trip, so he could see for himself that I was okay.  He told me on one visit that he came to see me hoping to lift my spirits, but I had lifted his instead.

 

     I have no doubt he is with our Lord, because he lived a life of love.  He always looked for and found the good in others, and never judged them no matter what they may or may not have done or believed.  Love flowed through him to all he met, young and old, no matter what faith they practiced and even to those who claimed there was no God.  David believed God is big enough to work through all faiths, even non-Christian ones. Perhaps that seemed a bit unconventional for a Anglican minister to say, but he had respect for all faiths and would say,

 

     "You know, Mutt, Jesus hung on the cross to take away the sin of the world, and even though many have not come to know Jesus as we have, it doesn't mean that His blood didn't atone for their sin too.  Look at Ghandi, Buddist monks, devout Jews, and others, who love God as they know him, and truly try to live by the golden rule, even if they don't call it that.  Do you really think a loving  Father would punish them just because they didn't attend a Christian church?  We can all learn a lot from each other if we open our hearts and minds." 

 

     The Lord shone through David so brightly.  He was a guiding light for many, and a wonderful, loving, mentor and friend to me.  He even taught me by example, how to be a  true foul-weather friend, meaning that when a friend was really needed,  he tried his best to always be there with a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, or whatever capacity he could serve in.  

 

     I never had the chance to say goodbye, and didn't even get to pay my last respects.  After two years of being stuck in a wheelchair, this is the first time I have gotten totally frustrated and angry over not  being able to walk or  jump into a car and go where I wanted to go.  He would have been the first to tell me I needed to vent that anger instead of burying it, and to learn from it too. 

 

     I would have loved to have been able to visit more with David and his wife Joan.  Sometimes we would get into deep conversations, and other times we'd go for walks, or sit in  their beautiful backyard, simply enjoying nature and our times together.  It really hurts to think that I could not be there for David or Joan, the last few months, especially since he was the one person who has consistently been there for me, with his open heart, open arms, and open mind. 

 

     Writing about David has eased my heartache a bit, as I think it may help others to prevent having similar regrets.  I take solace in the fact that I have often let David know how much I loved and appreciated him.   So, if you find yourself not telling someone how much you care, or saying, "I would like to go visit... a dear friend or relative, when I can get time....,"  STOP!   Instead of waiting for a good time, make the time.... take the time.... to see those you love.  None of us are guaranteed another day, or even another minute on this earth so use your time wisely.  Your worth is not measured by what position you hold, how hard you work or play, nor by the wealth or even the number of friends you accumulate.  What really matters is how you touch another's heart and soul.    

 

   

Reviews

[Mark]

Even as the sword is both heated and quenched, both periods in our lives--the miserable hurtful people and the kind, consoling ones are elements in God's plan to make us strong and resilient. You have had more than your share of the former, and too few of the latter, but that balance has made you into a Godly, spiritual, strong, kind and a wise woman such as I have never experienced in my life. Thus, God's love and His plan roll downstream, showing His might and His consolation to us all in turn, if we will but see it.
There can be few pains more incapacitating than the loss of a friend such as David. Until six months ago, I had never had such a friend, so I cannot speak of the pain of a loss of that caliber with the authority of experience. But thirty-five years ago, I embraced a Friend who can never be taken from me; I would encourage all the heartbroken to seek His solace.

[David Lewis Paget]

A story straight from the heart, a magnificent tribute to a true friend. You have brought your friend to life for us, Ellen, we who never knew him. I'm sure that wherever he is, he feels truly humble to have a friend such as you. Marvellous,
David.

[THERISA]

We all have people in our lives, who've made a dramatic impact on us, without realizing it, until they have passed away. David, sounds like one of those people. During these times of crisis, our true friends step forth to help in our healing. Personally, i don't feel comfortable with organized religion due to past experiences, but David could have changed that. Hoping both your physical and spiritual healing is nearly over. Thank you for sharing with us, this look into your relationship with David.

[Samuel Dickens]

Although I used to ba an avid church-goer, I admit to have become a bit like your Tom. I've never lost my belief in God, but have become disenchanted with most preachers and organized religion in general. Your wonderful David, though, sounds like the kind of preacher I would have been glad to listen to and be friends with. He sounds like the kind of person Jesus wants us to be, in fact. Thank you for telling us about him and boosting my faith in human kind.

[Alicante lullaby]

ohhh,Ellen,really,you write with ink from heaven,or perhaps the love you share for others,i could really see David through your words,every time i read you Ellen its a new life,i told you about my grand pa and i regret not being with him,so i can understand your pain,you are a lovely human and you make me feel guilty for my loathing of life and my impatience,you are in my language a [ NAIMAT]Gift from Allah,to all your friends,your friend must be proud of you;pray for me,Ellen,HE loves you

[Helen Woodward]

Ellen, this speaks volumes about true heart friendship, what a wonderful man with a precious anointing on his soul...his message rings out to all nations just as Mother Teresa's did...she would nurse them through terminal illness and bury them according to their own faith, she would often pull up her aggressors in a calm yet bold manner and tell them that God only recognizes the soul not the building.
David was one in a million or more and you were very fortunate to have his friendship just as he was to have yours as both of you shone a bright light into a sad world.
I loved this extremely emotional piece...thank you for spreading awareness to goodness and mercy.

Helen xxx

[emmajoy]

Oh Ellen, this is such a wonderful tribute to your dear friend, your words are so full of sadness in his going but true happiness for having shared such a wonderful friendship.

I had a friend called Kate, twenty plus years older than me, she became an ersatz mother, an older sister and best friend rolled into one. She's along with your David now, but the hole she left doesn't shrink.

These words ' What really matters is how you touch another's heart and soul.' are so completely, utterly, wholly true.

David seems to have been a real man, true and strong, down-to-earth yet up their with the Lord. Your description of his help with the wall really made me laugh .. what a real, giving friend.

Some people walk this world of ours as living saints, yet to be called such a thing face-to-face would horrify them. Your friend was such a one. It's quite clear to me that he saw Ellen's light too.

This is a wonderful piece of writing, truly examplary in every way.

[Manyfacets]

This is such a beautiful piece outlining the memory of a wonderful friend. Your work definitely touches the heart and soul of everyone who reads your stories. Smiles M.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

what lovely memories of a man that sounds like one we would all love to have as a friend .. i enjoyed the part you told about the hair ruffling .. humorous .. i am glad you had such a friend .. having lost someone near and dear this is a little healing .. wonderfully written tribute and memories..
Chloe
xoxo

[Marie Anzalone]

Thank you, Ellen, for suggesting I read this after the recent loss of my friend. The words you write are clearly from the heart, but more than that... they resonate with a message of kindness and goodness that is increasingly rare to find in our hectic lives. One of my best friends is a Christian reverend, and as I read this, I am reminded of the wonderful conversations we have at her house whenever we stop by for dinner- always so deep and meaningful, beyond what one hears in the office, at most social gatherings, etc. Exactly as you describe here. You have written a truly great tribute that brings this wonderful man's personality to us, and shows a lot about your faith and ability to heal and mend, as well. I hope you are not still angry that you missed the funeral... because there are so many other ways to say goodbye, and Dave will smile from the other side I am sure every time someone reads this lovely piece.

[Rick Puetter]

Dear Ellen,

A beautiful and compassionate story of your friend David. Your tale is filled with insights and down-to-earth human wisdom. We all can benefit so much from friendships of the type you shared with David. May we always treasure them and know their full value.

My very best regards,

Rick