GRAMPY'S ADVICE

       "Hmmm, you're miles away girl.  Thinking about that young

fella who gave ya those flowers, I'll bet."   Kathrine's

Grandfather teased as he watched her take a rose from the

bouquet and inhale its fragrance.  "I know that look on your face,

so well, Katie.  What's troubling grampy's baby girl?"  He

inquired as he wrapped his arm around her and gave her a

gentle squeeze. 

 

     "Gramps, you know I'm not a baby any more!"  She replied

with a grin and added, "But I'll always be your baby girl.  Won't

I?" 

 

     "You know it Sweetie!   Now.....about that frown and deep

thinking,... anything you want to share with your old

granddaddy?   Might not be able to help, but you look like you

need a sounding-board. "

 

     "Oh Grampy, you know me so well....you won't tell anybody

my secret before I do, will you?"  She asked already knowing

the answer, for she had always confided in him since she was

very young.  Not waiting for a reply, she forged on.  "Charlie

asked me something and I don't know how to answer him."

 

     Grandpa frowned, thinking of all the questions he'd asked

Jenny when he was courting her in his virile youth.   Not daring

to venture a guess, his first instinct was to tell her to just say '

NO'.  But he knew many things had changed a lot over the past

50 some years.  He also knew that Katie had grown into a

beautiful, yet sensible, young lady.  She never was one to rush

into anything before learning all she could learn, about the ups

and downs of it.  She would never accept pat answers or simple

explanations.  "So,.....what sort of question did that young man

ask you?"

 

     "You've always been  my source of wisdom!"  Katie began,

as they headed for the front porch swing, which had long served

as their private sanctuary.  There they could talk about anything

without being overheard.  Jenny, her grandmother, had learned

long ago not to interrupt their deep discussions.  

 

      "But I'm not sure even you can help me with this one. 

Everybody says its not something that can be explained.  That

I'll just know when its right.  Oh Grampy, I'm so confused! "   She

dropped her voice almost to a whisper and added, "Charlie

asked me if I love him enough to marry him." 

 

     "I'm afraid that's a question you'll have to figure out for

yourself, Honey.  I wouldn't even attempt to tell you 'Yes' or 'No,'

on that one."  Grandpa smiled with a sigh of relief, but tempered

his excitement at the idea of his little Katie becoming a bride.

 

     "But that's not what I am trying to ask Grampy,"  she

continued,  "Daddy and Momma fell in love and got married then

they divorced when I was only three.  There just seems to be

soooo many divorces these days.  I'm afraid I don't really know

what love is.  But you and Gram have been together f

or...forever...yet the two of you still seem so close, like a pair of

love birds.  Can you explain to me what love is?"

 

     "Hmmm, well now, that may take a while so you better get

comfortable Sweetie.  I know you'll want to know every little

detail I can think of about the subject.  Ya always have been

rather persistent that way."  He smile,  "You know I sometimes

do a little musing about love, and even write it down so I won't

forget it."  He winked.  "So, lets start from the beginning....What

is Love???......  

 

   Love is a word which is used and abused perhaps more than any other, yet it is often the least understood or explained. The smallest of infants, newly born, even before birth, know love, need love, yearn for it and thrive on it. The absence of love creates problems that last a lifetime: a hunger never sated, a craving for affection, an insecurity never outgrown, and a loneliness and hurt buried deep within.

 

Love is not fragile. It can last through many trials and tribulations, becoming even stronger from giving it selflessly. True love comes in many forms but it is not deterred by a flaw in the beloved's character. It does not demand perfection nor require a constant return of affection. Love is not just an emotion, controlled by moods; it is not just spoken nor shown in only certain ways. It is an entire way of life. Love not lived is dead! There is much less need for spoken reassurances of love when you put the other's feelings and needs ahead of your own. Consideration, thoughtfulness, and tenderness are all part of expressing love. One look in a person's eyes can tell you far more than a lifetime of talk. Although, communication is also an important part of creating intimacy.

 

     Love is not the same as lust. Sex is too often referred to as "making love" when usually it involves more self-gratification and satisfaction than it does giving of your very being to your beloved. Even when one does try to physically satisfy the other, it is often to make himself a better 'lover' and can become extremely tedious when the body is tired but the soul still starving. Fulfillment comes from within not from acrobatics or performance but from the knowledge that one is truly loved.

   
      There are many ways to love. Often people think that it is impossible to love two men/women at the same time. But is it true love, to want to possess a person, demanding their whole heart and soul? To live love, one must be able to allow their beloved freedom of their own life and love. It is only when you experience the love of someone, given freely and undemanding, that you can begin to understand the true meaning of love, and the vast difference between it and lust.

 

      Contrary to popular belief, sex is not the ultimate expression of love. Rather, to abstain from it, (though the desire to be completely united in body as well as spirit is very strong) so that you will not cause your beloved to sin against his/her belief and way of life, is one form of love so special and blessed that it outshines all others. Few people have reached this plateau of self-sacrificing love and will never understand nor believe it until they experience it.    

   

     'Tis a special feeling, you can not hide, expressed in many simple ways and in the small considerate things you do for your loved one. Time and miles will not dim it and disappointments and changes have no power to destroy it. Flaws and weak-nesses are not merely overlooked, and you do not love in spite of them, but partially because of them. At least, you accept your beloved for who he is, faults and all, and love him for his humanness. If you choose to just overlook the flaws, you put him on a pedestal and do not love the whole man. To idolize him is to destroy him and yourself in the process.

  

     Such a special love is seldom found and is not without pain when we are so inept at dealing with something so precious, rare, and overwhelming.  But even the emptiness that comes with his absence is worth the suffering, and the loneliness is made bearable by the joy of loving so deeply and unselfishly.

      Love is too often taken for granted, and therefore, the fact that most people love many others is seldom realized. You never love two people exactly the same; though one way does not and should not diminish the others. For example: you can love your mate, children, parents, and still love your siblings, grandparents, and friends all at the same time. Just because another child is born, you do not love the others any less. Actually, the more love you give, the more you have to share. Often the addition of someone else to love increases your appreciation for love and strengthens your ability to love all the others even more.

 

     Love will continue to grow even when you aren't sure it is returned, as long as it is accepted and appreciated. Only the loved one can cause it to weaken; usually by abusing it, exploiting you, and building distrust. Therefore, love can be driven away but it can never be stolen!! You can only take so much pain before you retreat into a protective shell and try to keep from being vulnerable again.

 

     But a deep understanding love can penetrate the toughest of shells and help to heal the hurt caused by someone too immature to appreciate your love and trust. Of course there is always the risk of hurting or being hurt again, but to hide forever from love is to die a slow and miserable death.

 

     Love and life may not be perfect here on earth but only love makes life really worth living. Remember, that to give is more blessed than to receive; so to strive to always give love freely, will bring an inner peace, understanding, and blessing. And still being able to give love overcomes the sting and hurt of rejection."  

 

"Wow!  Grampy, you really meant EVERY detail, didn't you!"  Katie asked as her smile grew.  She just knew he wouldn't brush off her question like everyone else had.     

 

"You asked!  But, I think that's about all I can tell ya with regards to love, for now anyway.  Except....to say that love may be free, but good relationships can take some work.  It requires a lot of give and take from both parties involved."

  

"Thank you Grampy, I knew I could count on you."  Katie snuggled closer.    "But, now I have another important question for you."

 

"I should've guessed that.  Every answer always did seem to give you even more questions to ask.  But Honey, if it is going to take me this long to answer your next question, I'm afraid it will have to wait till tomorrow 'cause it's getting late and us old folks gotta sleep sometime."  His yawn told her that was so.

  

"But Grampy, this is one you can answer with a simple, 'Yes' or 'No'.  Really you can."   Seeing his one eyebrow raise in amusement she blurted out,  "Will you walk me down the aisle?" 

 

 

Author's Note

If part of this seems familiar to anyone, it is because my friend, Lizanne, suggested that I should write a short story, incorporating my muse, "What Is Love???" so I could enter it into a certain contest. Even though I seldom enter contests, Lizanne's idea intrigued me. So this is my first attempt at writing a short story.

Reviews

[Lizanne]

Ellen, You totally wrote this by yourself. I was only a sounding board, as you have been to me. You have written truly moving piece that should be placed in every young girls hands. It came from your heart and speaks volumes about the true meaning of love. Any credit due on this piece goes only to you my dear, lovely lady. You have proved with this piece, "one man's trash is another's treasure. You and I know what that means and that is all that important in this matter. You are certainly a treasure in waiting.

[Snuggles]

Awe Ellen, Snuggles total love this and how you open you soul and wrote this.
If you ever need anyone to love this way. Snuggles is squeeze soft and loves to hug.

I'm taking this writing of yours and holing it close to my Teddy Bear Heart
so I can love all the lady out there like this.

Everything Grammpa says is true.

Snuggles Loves You!!!!!!!

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Ahhh what a sweet ending... that was certainly a detailed look at love, there most certainly many kinds of love and it is abused by those who use it to feel empowered... the story itself was delightful. Lizanne is wise and talented lady herself.

[BABSIE BEE]

Fabulous Ellen. Whilst picturing this extremely important, emotional scene of a probable bride to be and her Grandpa, it bought tears to my eyes at it's intensity. The build up to his answer had me wondering what he would say to his darling Granddaughter, knowing that she was all grown up now and although he did'nt want the inevitable to happen (her leaving the nest)....he knew it was just around the corner. He could have went one way or another. He took the "True Love Speech" route..and ended up with the right answer for her. The ending was perfect. Thanks for sharing this heartwarming piece.
Babs xxx

[Linda Waltenberger]

Lizanne's suggestion was a good one and it paid off. Defining and explaining the concept of love would be difficult and one I would not take on. What I enjoyed most of all was the relationship, implied by the communication mainly. Lovely. Thank you. Linda