Mixed Emotions

MIXED  EMOTIONS

For years, love for you has been growing

Beyond just the friendship we shared

Far away I sensed your moods and pain

A need to know somebody cared

Finally, told you of my feelings

Which seemed to take you by surprise

You might have suspected that curve ball

Should you have ever seen my eyes

You feared losing our cherished friendship

What new dynamics it might bring

Yet shortly after I pitched that ball

You adjusted your stance to swing

Building a relationship online

Can become a balancing act

As situations and suspicions 

May vary greatly from the facts

We spent hours chatting in daytime

When you were working, maybe bored

Evenings and weekends when you were home

I felt neglected and ignored

When you declared your love for others

Jealousy reared its ugly head

My feelings of insecurity

Released monster I thought long dead

If two of us you meet face to face

You  said its then you'd have to choose

That response did not sit well with me

Afraid once again I would lose

Back into my shell I then withdrew

Time to reflect and search my soul

After that dormant creature revived

Need to get it under control

A dark side I've fought hard to repress

Returned without hesitation

Now I need to adjust my desires

For my own heart's preservation

My happiness can't depend on you

I'm often second choice it seems

Perhaps I must back away and heal

Before we crush all hope and dreams

Reviews

[emmajoy]

'You feared losing our cherished friendship
What new dynamics it might bring
Yet shortly after I pitched that ball
You adjusted your stance to swing'

Oh my goodness. Ellen.. what a long consideration of an enormously emotional on.going event! I won't question fact or fiction: when one writes it's done so with experience of the world anyway. Seems solid thinking is called for, come what may.

As to your writing, it is, as ever more than fine.. you use metre so well, almost til the end when emotions wind here or there. Your use fr words has always been exemplary. And mostly for me, it's a real pleasure to see you back in the cafe more often!

Take care of yourself please. Em

[Ellen Hammond]

Thanks Emma! I am not here often these days but it is always a pleasure to hear from you. When I wrote this, emotions were definitely winding here and there. As writing tends to be good therapy for me, it helped to make my next step clearer for me, especially the last verse. ;)

[emmajoy]

2021 - Have caught the same time slot, Ellen.. at the first time in years! Just re-read your finely metered poem and its enlcosed emotions. Hope and pray you're still writing, taking care and of course, keeping safe. :)

[emmajoy]

typo went in a rush.. enCLosed

[Ellen Hammond]

Hi Emma! So nice to hear from you. I am not here often but just got an email message that you commented here. I am sorry to say, I haven't written anything in quite a while. Too hard on my hands these days. Shortly after I wrote this poem, I was rudely dumped and blocked from that guy's F/B. So, needless to say, he was not good for me or to me. I am now in a much better relationship with someone who is also an empath, so we really understand each other in ways nobody else has ever understood me.

[emmajoy]

More than happy to know how things are for you - how VERY special, precious too. Tis what love should mean. Please make contact when you can.

Am still in and out but planning a website too.

Keep happy, Ellen, you truly deserve the best. Take care, keep safe. Always.

[Sami Khalil]

A very touching poem with deep emotions that are fragile. Your message is true and powerful. Faith and hope will sustain and change from within. You are a wonderful writer.

[Ellen Hammond]

Thank you! You seem to be very insightful.

[Sami Khalil]

I try. You are very welcome.

[Tomás Ó C..]

Unrequited love causes great heartache. But makes a great source for poetry from the depths of the soul...

[Ellen Hammond]

Aw you speak with the heart of a poet. I never really thought about it quite like that before but I have to agree. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment.

[Tomás Ó Cárthaigh]

I find it has given me some inspiration in my time!

[Great Aunt Astri]

A well structured poem on an age old problem. It seems that many of us can't have what we would like.
I think the advice is your last two lines is good. 'perhaps I must back away and heal, before we crush all hopes and dreams'. Nicely done.

[Ellen Hammond]

Thank you. It seems we are never to old to learn. lol

[Great Aunt Astri]

:} .....................

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I loved the last verse. The truth is we can't depend on anyone for our own happiness but ourselves. Sometimes responsibility to others takes place before our own happiness but if this is because of love I don't think we even count the cost. But once we realize another's happiness is something we are not responsible for we may be free to find our own. Of course, this only applies between adults and not children. If we have children we are responsible to a certain degree for their happiness and well being until they are grown. I've been blessed with always having my children to think of and it's made many of my life choices easier.

[Ellen Hammond]

Thanks for taking time to read this and leaving some good advice in your comment, Fabian. It is so true that we are responsible for our own happiness. And knowing that is true for all of us, makes it a little easier for me to walk away from a toxic relationship before it starts to change me into someone I don't even like.