The Book Proposal

First person narratio of a book proposal that gets too personal

I could write a book. It would be called “How to Stay in a Marriage that You No Longer Want To be In.” The subtitle might read, “Because It Isn’t That Bad and Being Happy is Overrated.”

For my first chapter I would introduce why you would want to stay in a marriage that isn’t good or bad. I would talk about how my husband doesn’t beat me, doesn’t outright belittle me. I would highlight the fact that I find him amusing, at times, and that I still think of him as a friend…not necessarily a good friend but as a friend on some level. And I would say that we share the same morals and beliefs about the world.

That last part would be a lie though. We don’t share the same morals or beliefs. Instead I might want to concentrate on how we’ve shared 12 years of life and how, to some people, that carries weight. I haven’t decided if it does or not. All it really means is we’ve been in the same place at the same time for 12 years. And I would argue that it also means that for 4 of those years we were in different hells but eating at the same table most nights.

But I digress. It’s time to go on to Chapter 2. I call this chapter, “How to Improve Your Situation.” The main trick is to call in therapy. I recommend making it known that therapy is the only thing that can save your marriage. That you passively introduce an ultimatum. In some cases this will just make your husband rise to the bar. In other cases it will make your husband really look at all the things he has been doing wrong and what he has to do to fix them.

This directly leads into my next chapter about how far you can push him. This chapter is still a work in progress. I assume there are limits. I assume that at some point your husband will be annoyed that he now orders pizza, puts chicken in the oven, does some baths, makes the bed (every once in a while) and doesn’t receive a parade in his honor. I haven’t yet found the limit but I can tell you that I do feel occasionally guilty, pushing, pushing, asking for more, but I keep waiting for the reaction.

And then I would give tips �" things you can do to make it work. For instance, you can work longer hours. This will mean less time with your husband but also with your kids. So this might not be optimal. Or I could recommend that you make sure your weekends are either full of trips or just full of events. This works for two reasons. If your weekends are full of trips then when you travel it will just turn out that the motels in your price range have two double beds. Why is this important? Because this means that each of you will have to sleep with a child instead of each other. Therefore, no intimacy will be requested. And, on the weekends without trips, plan so much that come the night he will be too tired to even look at you. You can skate by on this for a while.

But there may come a weekend where your husband expects something. I’m not saying you have to give it to him, I’m just saying you should expect it. But this deserves a chapter all on its own. How to avoid sex and how to handle it when it’s unavoidable. Because the truth is ladies, it’s easier to give him something than to explain why you don’t want to give him something. And if this book will teach you nothing else, it will teach you the path of least resistance.

It will teach you how to compliment when there is really nothing to compliment. It will teach you the fine art of ego stroking, back rubbing, and other small moments that have little initial commitment but great return on investment. It will show you how to be you in moments where you feels like a burden rather than an asset.

But what it can’t teach you ladies, is how to be happy. That is your decision. And teach that to your daughters �" that they need to find their own happiness, their own love and follow that. Teach them to torch my book, make it a moot point, make it unnecessary. Because life is short and it just seems ridiculous to teach someone to deal with what they have rather than what they want. But you will buy my book so there must be a need.