Tears Behind Her Veil.

I went to a funeral yesterday.

The sky was gray and the wind subdued.

Leaves littered the graveyard pathway.

The sound was a quiet tear.

Black was everywhere.

Family came to mourn, friends came to endear.

From beyond the casket, I saw the widow.

Hat low, her hands clasped.

Dressed in black from head and below.

Looking all the while like her control is to fail.

The only thing to see.

Were tears on her veil.

Author's Note

Written on a whim. Tell me what you think please

Reviews

[Mark]

This is powerful stuff for one so young as you. The a-b-a-, c-d-c...rhyme scheme is very sophisticated
and subtle, stanza breaks might help the less observant see it, though. And you avoided doing the
overdone sobbing and wailing with the simple observance of tears on the veil. Elegantly understated!
If I may offer a suggestion, omit the second "family came" on line 6 to make the line parse better.
Also line 10 might be shortened by two or three syllables; perhaps sub "as though her" for "all the
while like her", or "may" for "is to"? Sorry, just random thoughts--I'm a bit of a meter freak, I guess.

[Kelley]

I loved the line....

"Looking all the while like her control is to fail."

Kind of sums it all up.

Great write as always

Kelley

[The Reticent Receptioni..]

this is beautiful.
one comment - the line "Looking all the while like her control is to fail." is a teensy bit awkward, you might consider rewriting it.

you want to be an author someday - i think you definitely have what it takes. keep writing!!

[Emily B]

very well done. great job.

[Mariah]

Ooh. That gave me goosebumps.

I like the first line. It captures your attention, very straightforward.

The imagery is perfect, I think.

'The only thing to see.

Were tears on her veil.'

Those lines are perfect.

This was totally not cliche.

I like it.

[brittneymarie]

I love this it is sad, but still wonderful

great job.:]

[~Mariposa Una Lila~]

darling! you do it too!!! i love this poem! x0x0x How quiet, yet speaks volumes! x0

[nostal]

Nice poem.

[Jessica M.]

I like how a tear has a sound in this poem.
I almost feel like the first line is unnecessary though.
Nice write.

[He@ther!]

Its heartbreaking but very expressive. The imagery is excellent and paints a clear picture in the reader's mind:)
Great Job!!!:)

Sincerely,
-Heather:)