Don't Touch the Woman's Hard-Drive

A woman with unique talents is given an unusual position with unexpected consequences. Sometimes your greatest weakness can be your biggest strength.

Don't Touch the Woman's Hard-Drive

“Miss Yutakata, we have had over three hundred applicants for this job. What makes you think that your connections would even create a ripple in the process?”

“I can produce an accurate personality profile in five minutes.”

“You’re biased, Miss Yutakata. She’s your friend.”

“I’m never biased when it comes to analysis sir. Otherwise she wouldn’t be my friend.”

The commander shuffled through the resume he had just been handed. It was painfully short and each space appeared to have been given at great pains to the writer.

He sighed. “Very well. First explain this-” he gestured to the mass of perfectly spelled sentences crammed onto the page. “-this slab.”

“She’s a coder. A space in code is only necessary when a new set of instructions are being created. And she hates wasted space.”

“I’m sure her closet is an utter delight then.”

Yutakata nodded briskly. “She’s also a hoarder. She keeps everything, including multiple copies stored on several hard-drives in case something somewhere crashes.”

The commander flicked a hand into the air. “And you’re telling me her faults, why?”

“Because they are her strongest assets.” Said Yutakata seriously.

“A woman who hates wasted space and hoardes. I’m sure we can find endless uses in the administration office for her. But not this.”

“She’s also an undiagnosed Obsessive Compulsive personality. She stopped her sessions because she didn’t want to take time from other patients. If she finds a puzzle she won’t stop until she can accept that she has completed it.”

“Wonderful, then I’m sure she’ll enjoy the Dewey Decimal system.”

“There’s one last thing, sir. Something important I think you should know.”

“She’s an assassin?”

“No sir. That’s my job sir. We wouldn’t get along very well if we both didn’t trust each other.”

“That sounds like a really healthy relationship you’ve got going there.”

“Sir, she’s possessive.”

“So’s my dog.”

“She’s possessive of her work.”

The commander leaned forward to squint at the small Japanese woman staring so resolutely at him. “Explain.”

“She was fired from her last job because she sprained the IT man’s fingers for trying to open her folders.”

“So she’s violent.”

“The man was fixing it via remote access.”

The commander leant back. “Now that is interesting. Where was the man located?”

“Six floors down.”

“How did she reach him in time?”

Yutakata looked uncomfortable. “She said she sensed it. She was moving before he’d even got past the loading screen.”

The commander raised an eyebrow. “So it was a fluke.”

“No sir. I’ve tried to look at her files before. You know, as a training exercise.” She paused. “She’s always there the moment my hand touches the keyboard.”

“And this is impressive why?”

“It doesn’t matter where she is. Asleep, at her parents, at work. She always knows.” She rubbed the back of her head gingerly. “And I always get punished.”

“That sounds like paranoia to me.” He said carefully. “What would stop her from attacking someone who borrowed her keyboard to browse youtube?”

“I don’t know how to explain it, but she… she reads intent. I can play for hours at her computer without any trouble but the moment I go for her files…” she winced at the memory.

The commander smiled. “Would you say she’s a quick learner?”

“She has to be, sir. It her trade.”

He glanced at the resume again. “Then consider Miss Kindle hired.”

The commander looked from the resume to the girl sitting in front of him.

She waited patiently, wearing a worried smile and trying far too hard to maintain eye contact.

There had to be a mistake.

“Miss Kindle?” he said tentatively.

“Yes.” She said in a clipped british accent and nodded slightly. Her blonde ponytail bounced with the movement.

“You have been brought in on the glowing recommendation of Miss Yutakata.”

Her blue eyes flicked to the side and back to his, fear plainly in her eyes.

“Are you alright?” he asked, concerned.

“Fine.” She nodded again. The top lip had begun to tremble with the effort of holding the fake smile.

The commander glanced at the resume again. “Miss Kindle, you will be hired for your technical skills. Not your interpersonal ones. Please relax. You won’t be fired for not smiling.”

The expression froze. “This isn’t a receptionist job?”

The commander cocked his head and smiled. “No. This job is far more suited to your skills. We could hardly advertise for a codebreaker on public forums.”

The face relaxed. The smile was replaced by a natural frown and the eyes became sharp and focused on a spot directly to the left of his head.

“What would be the nature and duration of my employment?” Her voice had dropped a full octave.

“We need a permanent staff member to handle a variety of IT problems, most to do with security, be it ours or others. Miss Yutakata assures us that you have the strength of character to ensure that the job is done well and our security will be top priority.”

“So she told you I’m an Obsessive Compulsive nerd.” Kindle grinned, her eyes flicking over briefly to meet his.

“Essentially yes. So do you accept?”

“Yes.”

“You start Monday. Enjoy your weekend Miss Kindle.”

“I look forward to it.”

 

Yutakata leaned over the large desk that sat against the wall in the front foyer, taking special care to let her tank top ride low.

“Clara…” she crooned.

Kindle continued to type, eyes fixed on the screen.

Annoyed, the small Asian leant over and pulled off her headphones. “Clara!”

Anger flashed in the blonde girl’s eyes before she recognized the woman in her personal space. “D****t Yuki!”

“It’s lunch time. Eat, missy.” The woman reprimanded her.

Clara blinked and looked at her watch.

“Did you even use your break?” Yuki asked.

“I had coffee.” She murmured.

“No, you came in with coffee. That was five hours ago. Get up. I’ll crack your back.”

The tall blonde rounded the table and turned her back to her small friend. Defying the odds, Yuki picked the girl up effortlessly and pulled her backwards, eliciting several loud pops from her abused spine.

“Thanks.” She turned around, her ponytail following in a slow arc. “Did I miss b***s?”

“Yup.”

“D****t. You know what, I’m just going to put these back on and you can try get my attention again in five minutes. I swear I’ll look up this time.”

Yuki laughed and sauntered into the mess hall. “See you in five.”

Clara placed her headphones back over her ears and stared unseeing at the stream of code she had been interpreting. A flash of movement in the corner of her eye made her look up well before the five minute period.

A thin man in a trenchcoat looking at her expectantly. He was hunched over and had his hands buried deep in his pockets.

Kindle felt a twinge of sympathy. He looked awkward. She knew how that felt. She slid the headphones down to her neck and attempted a fake smile. “May I help you?”

The man drew one hand out of the deep pocket and pointed the shiny black gun he had been concealing at her head.

“Someone’s new.” He chuckled in a raspy voice.

Clara stared at the gun muzzle, bewildered. “You do know we don’t make monetary transactions, right?”

The man cocked his head.

“We don’t have any money.” She repeated in plainer English.

The man recovered with impressive speed. “That computer looks expensive. I’ll take that.”

Clara looked at the computer she had just been working on. “I think it’s welded to the desk. Sorry.”

He jabbed the muzzle at her. “Then gimme your wallet.”

She raised her hands defensively. “It’s in the locker room.”

“Christ, give me something! I’m on camera here!” he spat. He was beginning to shake and feel to scanning the desk for loose items.

“Yu-“ Clara began to call.

“Shut up.” The man hissed and drove the muzzle into the underside of her chin. He grabbed a handle of stationary and stuffed it into his pocket. “Worthless.” He muttered to himself and grabbed everything else that wasn’t tied down. The headphone wire tangled in the mess and yanked Clara’s head forward. She coughed as the gun dug into her trachea.

“Gimme that.” He snapped and yanked the headphones off her head, catching her ear.

“Hey, that’s mine!” she croaked indignantly and snatched at the cord.

The man shoved her back, throwing her chair against the wall with a bang.

“Clara?” Yuki called. “Stop breaking things and come eat.”

“S**t.” The man mumbled and grabbed the keyboard and hard-drive whirring away beside the secure monitor. “It’ll do.”

“Hey!” Clara snapped and smacked the man’s wrist. “My files.”

The keyboard slipped from his grasp and clattered to the floor.

“Clara?” Yuki opened the door of the mess hall.

“Don’t move!” The man yelled, pointing the gun at the smaller woman as he grabbed for the hard-drive again.

“My files!” Clara yelled back and struck the repeat-offender with a hammerfist.

“F**k!” He screamed as a finger caught the edge of the metal box. “You f*****g c**t!” he swung the gun around and fired a round into the hard-drive.

An error message popped up and the code onscreen transformed into lines of gibberish.

Clara stared at the monitor in disbelief.

Yuki dropped to the ground and covered her head with her hands.

“That. Was MY. Hard-Drive.” Clara snarled between clenched teeth.

“Argh, you split my finger you b***h.” The man shook the bleeding hand at her. “I should shoot you for-“

Clara picked up the useless metal box and brought it down on the man’s head.

“-that...” The man finished and fell against the wall, dazed.

Clara skirted the desk and grabbed his lapels, slamming him against the wall repeatedly. “Don’t. F**k. With MY. WORK.” She grunted with each heave.

She let go in surprise when his gun hit her in the face. She dropped to the floor, clutching at her aching cheek and trying not to cry.

“…everything… ruined…” he wheezed incoherently and aimed for her head, the muzzle swinging wildly.

“Hey!” Yuki shouted and pulled the gun from the man’s weak grip. “That’s enough. Let us treat you.”

“F*****g b*****s.” The man slurred. Clara looked up through tear-blurred eyes to see that he was bleeding quite heavily from several parts of his head.

“F*****g noob.” She sniffed.

 

 

The commander looked at the disheveled girl standing before his desk barely six hours after he had employed her and shook his head.

“Miss Kindle, would you please explain to me why you felt it necessary to assault the man with our property?”

“Protecting trade secrets sir.” Clara replied.

“I believe the hard drive in question was already damaged before you used it as a weapon.”

“It was still reparable sir. A scrap metal dealer could have salvaged information.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Very well. Good work Miss Kindle. I don’t suppose you translated your morning task?”

“Yes sir. I took some liberties with the last letter sir. It doesn’t allow much leeway.”

“Very well, we will dispense with the formal copy.”

“Yes sir.” She handed a piece of scrap paper to the commander.

He studied it for a moment and nodded. “Good. You may resume your duties-” He began to say when he looked up at the girl again. The right side of her face was already beginning to bruise. “-tomorrow.”

“Thank you sir.”

Clara Kindle left as quietly as she had entered the office.

The commander leaned back in the chair and examined the scrap paper.

“Well well well. ‘FIRE BURNS’, eh?” He looked at the door Clara Kindle has just exited. “You have too much time, Kristoff.”

The man who had assaulted Clara nodded. “Sir.”

The commander tutted. “But she writes her codes out in the open for anyone to see.”

“No sir. There was no code when I entered the scenario.” Kristoff corrected.

The commander blinked. “She keeps it in her head?”

“Not quite sir. She keeps a pen and paper in the lining of her jacket. Above the right breast.”

“Well done Kristoff.”

“Thankyou sir.”

“You may go.”

The man reached for the door handle.

“Just one last thing Kristoff.”

“Sir?”

“Fire burns. Fire as in retire or the elements that requires kindling?”

Kristoff smiled.

“Oh for f***s sake Kristoff.” The commander groaned.

“She majored in English and Literature sir. I thought she might enlighten you to the nuances.”

“Well she’s not about to tell me upright to fire her, now is she?”

The smile remained.

“Just get out.”

The commander threw the scrap into the bin when the man had left. “F*****g nerds and their f*****g syntax.”

Reviews

[Tardisbaby]

I really liked the beginning. I would have liked a slower pace in the middle, maybe a little more description of the mugger and thoughts on him before in incident. And I would have liked a little more narrative at the end too, but the dialogue is hilarious and on target. Great job!

[The Nude Writer]

Really cool story :) It was not what I was expecting, but it just kept getting better :) you are an awesome writer! :)