I love when...

I don't mind if you eaves drop on us.

“I love the way your hair twists together at the end.” He says while combing his fingers through my hair.

“I love the way your eyes tell stories without you wanting them to.” I say back to him as he looks into my eyes unraveling a new story without him even being conscious of it.

“I love how you play with my emotions yet keep them safe in your corner.” He says as he heaves a lovely sigh.

“I love how you continue to take my hand and trace over places we have never been together.” I look outside the window.”

“I love how you dream of things no one else would even try to imagine.” He says while his eyes look and roam over myself.

“I love how you want to know more about me even the boring parts.” I say as I slowly put my head in my hands.

“I hate when you sell yourself short. I love the ways I love you and I won’t ever stop. I love how you never have bore me. How you felt effortless, and were persistent and aggressive with me. You had me at the first glance you know. You never even had to say a word. I already had unlocked my door at first sight of you.”

I turn to him slowly. Thinking he always said such silly things. It was like he had a head full of rhymes and a heart full of sweet words.

I looked at her. Wishing I could prove to her that I really did love every piece of her. I could look and think and be with her for forever. I look at her lips and I couldn't help myself. I lean in kissing her corner of her mouth and then move over to her lips and softly kiss her. She is so fragile I don't want to do anything to hurt her. For if she ever broke I would break too. We would be a big mess of love and pieces.

He kept kissing me. I never wanted it to end. I tried to kiss back but I was lost in him. In his words in his love in his everything. We kissed for the longest of time. Once we start we can never stop. His hands creep up and twist into the ends of my hair. My hands beneath his eyes on his beautiful face. My thumbs tracing back and forth right under his eyes. Trying to feel the story physically instead of seeing.

And that's how we always were. Awfully cheesy and dramatic. But we loved each other. And that's all that mattered in life. That is all.

Author's Note

If you view it could you give me some feedback? I value anything you have to say.

Reviews

[Jaydaut]

"He would say," and then "I would reply" rather than "He says" - "I say" because you end in the pass tense with "And that's..."

Then there's this, "I looked at her." "Her" who? Who are you referring to? Another woman? Who's speaking?

The piece reads to me like a poem/remembrance/story:

"I looked at her.

Wishing I could prove to her that I really did love every piece of her.

I could look and think and be with her for forever.

I look at her lips and I couldn't help myself.

I lean in kissing her corner of her mouth and then move over to her lips and softly kiss her.

She is so fragile I don't want to do anything to hurt her.

For if she ever broke I would break too.

We would be a big mess of love and pieces.

He kept kissing me.

I never wanted it to end.

I tried to kiss back but I was lost in him.

In his words in his love in his everything.

We kissed for the longest of time.

Once we start we can never stop.

His hands creep up and twist into the ends of my hair.

My hands beneath his eyes on his beautiful face.

My thumbs tracing back and forth right under his eyes.

Trying to feel the story physically instead of seeing."

In my read, any message or emotions you're writing to convey are lost in this sequence of largely incomplete sentences.

[QueenElizabeth]

Yes I completely agree my initial intent was changed midway through the story I was telling. It turned to "love can be confusing." And thats exactly what this poem was. It was so confusing and so many errors that I didn't know how to fix it. I liked it how I wrote it in a way just cause I thought it was a weird cool "poem inception" haha. But I also understood that no one else would really understand it haha. But I posted it anyways. I like your rewrite even though its not all what I had in mind with the story but it was a creative spin off of it. Thanks so much for your review it made me think more of the why to this poem! Thank you. :)