What a Way to Kill

once again another song. Basic idea of a man killing his girlfriend, i almost wanted this to sound like a punk rock song melded into an early alternative rock.

Shot n' kill

my valentine,

while we drink,

drink this blood and wine

 

from razors to guns,

I had my fun

 

Red, our tongues taste the salt

On our lips

As we lick the blood

from our hands (so nice)

 

I see your eyes fade (black eyes)

 as the gun slips from my grasp,

like a knife in my hand,

I make you bleed,

again, and again

 

I rip the rosary from your neck,

And pray

I’ll never do this again. 

My faith made me think this through

But made me pick

up this pistol once again

and shoot you from my plans

only to leave you

a dead body in my hands.

 

Shot n’ kill my valentine

As I drink,

Drink this blood like wine. (so nice)

I rip this cross from your hand

and swear to myself

I’ll never do this again.

Reviews

[DoNt LoSe YoUrSeLf]

The line "Drink this blood like wine" made me think of if the guy was a vampire. Since vampires drink blood and stuff, but this tells a good story and love the wording, once again. Haha.

[John]

The parentheses add a touch of emphasis on parts I wouldn't've noticed without them. The simile on the fourth stanza confused me a little, but wasn't enough to keep me from finishing the read. Bravo.

[Jack...]

Definitely dark and like it crawled from the shadows upon some unsuspecting toad...watching it jump in fear. This is cool, sleek and quick to the cut.

[Mark]

Interesting, and visual. In my mind's eye I constantly saw red and black.

[Ellie Howard]

That was a really important visual that i wanted.

[khalid]

and you will do it again and again..i just wonder, why are sweet things forbidden?or why are forbidden things very desirable? we are really poor creatures..

[♥ Kinnixk]

Wow. The visual created from this...Excellent writing as always. :)

[Coyote Poetry]

A very wild vision create by the poem. Valentine and death. A interesting combination. The flow of the words was very good. I like the ending to the excellent poem.
Coyote

[xxxHailieyxxx]

this is REALLY good :D.