Goddess of Destruction

A poem I wrote while thinking of Indian mythology

A pool of vanity

Lies at my feet

Sorrow and Pain

Bloom around its banks

 

Red and Black

Black and Red

 

The world bends for me

Then suddenly

The sky is darker

Than the Darkest Night

 

The sun, moon, and stars

Do not shine

Because I do not

Wish for Light

 

Vanities waters

Become the tears of Forgotten Love

 

The Blooms of Red Pain

And of Black Sorrow

Become Blood and Shadows

 

Mingling to form

The most intoxicating perfume

Worn only by the Lady of Death and Destruction

Author's Note

Be honest and tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Ees]

I know nothing of Indian mythology- so I almost wish you hadn't told me what you were thinking of as I approach this poem...

I however love the poem immensely. Except for the last line, "Kalika" I can only assume that that has something to do with Indian mythology, but because I do know who that is it just confuses me and I think that the poem works really nicely if you leave that off. It isn't necessary as far as I can tell, to end the poem with:
The most intoxication perfume
worn only by the lady of death and destruction"

seems to work really well to me.

I really love the following:
"The sun, moon, and stars
Do not shine
Because I do not
Wish for Light"
That is just simply the most beautifully written part of this poem in my opinion. And that leads me to my other suggestion- that it be isolated, that you section off parts of this poem into stanzas. The only reason that I suggest that is because I think that it makes it easier to read, so that is something to think about.

Overall I think that this is a very solid poem and you have done a great job writing it! You can think about the things that I have suggested, but you don't have to because it's a damn good poem as it is.