Valley Pirates

A Story by Casey Canon

What to write on National Talk Like a Pirate Day...

It be the year 2017 when I, Brittany Frappuccino Beard, decided it best to speak with my three fellow bpff's (best pirate friends forever) regarding the treacherous talk of me relations with a certain junior who calls himself, "Chad."

"Arg, Brittany! Ye totally have an outfit worthy of slaying even the most fashionably inept scallywag!" a laddie welcomes me

"Yo ho!" I speak back in thanks as me other pirate gal pals give a "Yar!" of agreement. Yet despite me incredible taste, I needs be digressin'! "But ye fellow beauties," Me tone grows serious, "We not be gathered here to discuss me amazing sense of fashion."

"Aye," They nod, their eyes growing dim as a stormy sea.

"Avast ye!" I slam my hand down on the Starbucks table, causing our coffees to tremble. "This boy be a threat to every female in our district!" I thunder, "To think that I, Beautiful Brittany Frappuccino Beard, would let such a rickety old...! Oh, blow the man down, I say!"

"Blimey!" Heather Cross Country Beard gasped. "Me thinks these be far too strong of insults to come from me fellow gentle beauties!" She meekly looked down in her frosted caramel frappe with double sleeve extra low calorie caramel syrup with a hint'not a dash, not a pinch'of hazelnut. "Me thinks that boy be misunderstood and actually..." She twisted her braided beard hair nervously around her fingers like a teenage whirlpool devouring a ship. "...a wee bit hot."

There was a shocked silence.

Suddenly, like an unknown beast breaching right under the ship and sending the lot of the crew into a panic, Jenny blue beard (she be a tom boy) stood up and pointed at Cross Country Beard meanly, exclaiming, "It only be that ye think that because he hath been cheating on Frappuccino Beard with ye!"

"Blimey!!" we all cried, so loud that the nearby barista did give us the look of a scallywag!

"Yo ho! Explain yeself, Heather!" I demanded, brandishing my hot pink, bedazzled sword dangerously in her direction.

"I be sorry!" She cried. "Chad did charm me and dump me quicker than a crew of a thousand plunders a single chest! I still not be over it, and I know the pain ye be feeling!" She sobbed into her frappe pitifully.

I feel tears brimming me own eyes and squeal, "Oh Cross Country Beard!" I threw me arms around her. "Ye do understand me so!"

All three of us cried together, and as we bristled at various pictured of chad on our phones and social media, our friendship grew greater and stronger than the vast ocean blue.