Carried By the Wind

It's windy today...

 

Blowing, swirling

The little girl lifted her hand

Dazzled by the wind

It blew her hair across her face

Lifting her hat from off her head

 

Curling, swaying

She raised a piece of paper

High above her head

Releasing it from the tips of her fingers

It was carried by the wind

 

Tumbling, moving

The piece of paper blew across the land

And she watched it ride the waves of wind

Across hills and valleys

It was carried by the wind

Author's Note

This is kind of short. I was trying to decide if it needed to be longer...
Any advice?

Reviews

[Courtney]

great imagery! what does the paper represent? this went over my head...

I would make it a little longer, but not too much. Maybe two more stanzas? And maybe just use the tumbling, swaying type words every other stanza (that way you could keep the three, but five would be too many). Also I think the "it was carried by the wind" is a little too explicit. The last stanza tells us this in a descriptive way, so I would just cut or change them. With the other stanzas, I would use more imagery, like maybe include a smell or something. Great write!

[Chelsea Schermerhorn]

Wonderful, the short length adds emphasis to the imagery. You have made it into the first cut of finalists for my Imagery contest.

[Lauren]

Oh boy, it has been a while since I've read any of your poems (or even been on here for that matter). I like it a lot, I think it is very beautiful! Um, I do think it needs to be longer. You could probably put a very interesting story in there if you added to it. Just my two cents though. Talk to you later!

[Emily B]

Seems to be just the right length to me. . . active, breezy words like this should be allowed to start and stop when they wish. Great write.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A beautiful underaking...simple and elegant - wonderful as it is...as Mozart said once 'To talk well and eloquently is a very great art but to know the right moment to stop is an even greater one' - you have done that here. Thank you.
Light,
Siddartha

[OilsandSyntax]

It has a sweet innocence about it. I like it the way it is. It's a beautiful picture of what the girl is doing...though perhaps we might want to know how she's feeling...nah...let us speculate on that...I like it the way it is.

On a sidenote I used the same picture for my poem "Dandelion Transformation" so that's what drew me to reading this peice.

Well done.