Sack Man

I had a nightmare and decided to write about it.

Sack Man

Beneath your bed,

A doorway to another realm.

Comes to kiss you goodnight-

On your forehead.

Don't close your eyes

There's more to see

watch out for the thirteenth.

Taps twelve times

Eat not before bedtime

He likes full meals

heavy are his heals.

Swallows one whole

Stubs for hands

Strong is his grip

Wraps round your mind-

His resting place.

Say a prayer in God's name

May you make the night

When in dark he comes for you

Do not put up a fight.

Author's Note

All criticism is welcome and appreciated.

Reviews

[Jade]

hey! this is really good I enjoyed the read

[Eliot Knight]

thankyou oddgirl!

[Coyote Poetry]

A very nice tale told.
"Say a prayer in God's name
May you make the night
When in dark he comes for you
Do not put up a fight."
I liked the above ending. Honest end to a story of mystery in the poetry. Thank you Eliot for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Eliot Knight]

Thankyou Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Bear]

Critique: I have some questions, in the first stanza, second line (A doorway to another realm) this is an incomplete sentence "Is a doorway" or "Lies a doorway"
In the next sentence (Comes to kiss you goodnight- On your forehead.) You make no mention of who is coming to kiss you "He comes to kiss you goodnight"
In the second stanza (watch out for the thirteenth. Taps twelve times) who or what is this thirteenth? What is the point of twelve taps? You didn't give enough information to understand your meaning.
To me it seems like you left much of the story in your mind unfortunally we can read your poem but not your mind :~)

Review: This is a nice concept, I like the idea but it is hard to understand in places as it is to vague to follow your meaning. Not bad for a first write and in a language not native to you, that is hard for everyone so don't be descuriged you just need to tweek it a little. send me a message if you have any questions.

[Eliot Knight]

Beneath your bed, a door way to another realm, it's pretty straight forward.
The poem is clearly speaking of the Sack Man, hence the title, so it's obvious that's who's coming to kiss you goodnight. Can't be the mailman now, can it?
Taps are a widely renowned thing in the ghost culture and 13 is usually considered the hour of the dead. It's something everyone familiar with ghosts and horror genre should know of.
Poems aren't always straight forward, neither is writing and hence open to interpretation, while I appreciate the critic, it basically requires common sense to understand such a simple thing.

[Bear]

Ok, last words, if you leave to much to the readers imagination they are not very likely to end up where you had in mind, also if it is too cryptic many people won't bother to comment because they don't understand what is in your mind. Good luck and good writing :~)

[Eliot Knight]

That's true, however the poem isn't left to anyone's imagination. I was simply making a point. Thanks :)