The poison of "Jail-bait".

I got angry late one night and found myself writing this about something that happened in my past.

Rip the hair from my scalp 

scratch the mascara from my eyes

de-light, de-love and de humanise.

More than a face, a body and hair.

I’m everything you envy, I don’t care.

Hate me, I dare you.

make my heart bleed. but nothing.

Just nothing. and my patience is rusting.

See, I’m made of substance.

I have a mind,

I’m not a “slag" or a “s**t" and I won’t unbind.

Your vile words won’t touch me

and even if you tried,

I’d hold up a mirror and bounce back your cyanide. 

So change the colour of your nails,

and pretend all you've done is fine.

but mark my words, you'll pay for this

and Karma won't be kind.

Author's Note

Please criticize and add additional notes. It'll really help for future writing.

Reviews

[SteveB]

Well done. The honesty and emotion come through raw and powerful. Your word choices are striking and powerful most particularly in the third line. The "de-light" was absolutely magnificent. Not just as a juxtoposition to "delight" but also as a way of expressing the robbing of light. Great word choice and the line is so hard hitting.

[Elinor Williams]

Thank you! When I read it, it always jumps out at me the most. This is a lovely comment, and I love it when people pick up on small details like this! Thank you again, I'll be sure to read your work! :D

[SteveB]

There is no need to thank me. Thank you for this piece.

[Christopher Angel]

I find it very difficult and an injustice to critique a poem because poems are all about heart and soul. And that's what this one was - so full of pain and yet resolve. But the future seems to hold a dark path, one you should be wary of going down. That's what I felt what I read it. It's good...powerful and yet sad.

[Elinor Williams]

You've got it spot on. I think it's a general wariness that people can turn on you for no reason and if they're bored or have a hidden agenda. It does makes me sad that I can't trust people as much as I used to, but it's a lesson learned and it can't be unlearned. thank you for your comment!

[K. Louis]

emotive little piece... good flow..

[Rita L. Sev]

The anger comes through in your word choices. Without revealing the substance, you have painted the emotion and brought the reader there with you. Well done!

[Elinor Williams]

Thank you very much!

[RainDancer1997]

Showing your true anger:) Good job I liked it! People talk that's what most of them do when they get bored with there own lives

[Lydia Shutter]

Oh, yes, Karma is a great payback and no matter how one tries to hide, Karma finds the perpetrator. The green eyed monster makes people say and do things that are hateful and hurtful. This vent is just wonderful. I hope it was a catharsis for you. Lydi*

[Elinor Williams]

Thank you! It really was, and if I'm honest this is pent up anger from almost two years now. I felt so much lighter when I finished this! I definitely believe in Karma, and that's the only proper faith I have. I never feel angry enough to ever want revenge, because people like this dig their own grave. Justice is always served! Thank you so much for this lovely comment, Lydia!

[ba_mcfarlane]

S**t, rut, come 'round, go down,who really cares, it is only the f*****g human condition, no matter how one assumes the position. I could never figure out how the variance range of one's sexuality had a flying f**k to do with avoiding moral turpitude. What does throwing a good f**k into a sweetie have to do with making the right moral choice, if we put the sex to the side? What it means...f**k all I say.

[Elinor Williams]

I do agree, but I refuse to be called anything that is used in a negative or offensive sense. Especially when they barely know me, and write it on a social network. That's what grinds me gears, because it's not what they said it's why and how they called me it. Because she disliked me and tried to publicly shame me, when I'd done nothing? And if you're also commenting on the "Jailbait" it's because it used to be her Tumblr URL and tumblr is where she wrote everything about me thinking I wouldn't see. Does this help explain it? xD

[ba_mcfarlane]

I didn't call you anything. That is the point. There is a discrepancy concerning sexuality whether it is about age, sex, orientation. Anything that calls that up, that grinds my gears. Now, believe it or not, I'm a sexual prude, virginal unless or until there is a component of romantic love involved. Whatever. I say, that makes me no better or worse than anybody else, because a human beings sexuality and practice thereof has nothing to do with their value as a human. It isn't complicated. That is it. And, I wasn't calling you naughty names, I was mocking the two faced atitude of men (mostly) slamming the sexuality and values of females, like how they feel and what they do should be "more pure" than the guys who slag hem.

[Elinor Williams]

Oh no! I know xD I meant I refuse to be called them by "Jailbait"! Because it's what she did! and I thought it was awful. Especially using it negatively. It's the same as calling someone "gay" or "queer". I am the same, though. I do believe in monogamy and that romantic love has to be involved, but I'd never look down on anyone for it. Sorry that you thought I was having a dig at you, I meant "Jailbait". Thanks for the comment, though!

[ba_mcfarlane]

Oscar Wilde was one of the most brilliant minds to ever hit the planet. Many (not me) regarded him as a full blown deviate. I disgree, have we found clarity, or have I still failed to make my point.

[Elinor Williams]

Yes, I do understand. It shouldn't be offended because it's not offensive. Some people are that way, and how, when or who they have sex is is non of my business. And I don't care, because it's their choice and they can be happy :') But it's like if someone called me a Lesbian. It's not offensive, but I'm not a Lesbian so I'm saying I'm not. All I'm saying is that I refuse to have someone call me things that are intended to be derogatory term. 1) It's very ignorant of them to do so. 2) I don't deserve to be called anything derogatory, even if it's not something offensive but it's meant in that way. 3) I'm a feminist and I despise s**t-shaming. We are who we are, and no one should be ashamed of that.

[ba_mcfarlane]

Amen, little Sister, you said it so well.

[Elinor Williams]

Thank you :')

[Ankur Sharma]

strong emotion strong word i like it

[Elinor Williams]

Thank you!

[SyberRose]

What goes around comes around...Enjoyed reading Elinor:)

[Elinor Williams]

Thank you, I love your work!

[NA]

powerful vent! brilliantly expressed :) x