Manager from Hell

I'm your Manager, I'm your boss. 

It's not the other way round.

I'm in charge of blah, blah, blah,

And I've got status, authority and power.

I also appear higher up in the organisational chart,

And I'm friend with others from the top levels of hierarchical structure.

I even have my own office, PA, laptop, company mobile and car.

But I've worked my socks off over the years to come this far.

All this stuff means credibility, and I'm aware of my accountabilities.

But remember, you're not me, so your job is to deliver your responsibilities.

I don't want to hear any issues about lateness in the mornings.

No traffic jams, no missing trains or busses. 

Please also don’t be sick unexpectedly if you can help;

Try to give some notice before hand, and report every day while you're unwell.

You need to be at your desk at 9a.m. sharp every day,

Don’t ask to leave early, or for another day's of holiday.

But make sure you use all of your annual leave before the end of the year,

So that I don’t have to deal with approving it, for you to carry over to next year.

Being flexible is what we need here, and I had said this in your interview.

So, be prepared to leave late, and come early when needed, like the rest of the crew.

You said you have no kids, didn’t you?

Oh that’s great.  It's good for me, it's good for you. 

Kids generally get sick anyway, needing care and attention,

Which means you wouldn’t be available when we need your immediate and continuous attendance.

We strive for perfection! I don't like mistakes, so you should keep them to minimal.

Or try not to make them in the first place if it is at all possible.

Look at me, take me as an example. Do I look like I make any?

Make sure you learn everything well and demonstrate in the first opportunity.

It's important to finish training sessions on time, so that we're on budget,

Please keep your questions until the end, and don't interrupt me with your gadgets.

Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have any questions later.

I will be available on email and phone to help you learn better.

I will be on holiday from now for a week,

And then on a business trip,

Later, on a field work in the middle of nowhere,

But do send your emails now, and I‘ll respond at one point.

Some people say communication is the key to staff engagement and performance.

Well, I don’t need to worry about it, my communication is clear and spotless.

I was 'this', I was 'that'.. I did 'this', I did 'that'..  during my career life,

I know all the ins and all the outs in the business and work life.

I don’t need to learn anything new. Leadership is in my blood.

And I can manage the entire world with my eyes completely tight shut.

I’ve got this-many qualifications, that-many diplomas, and a bunch of certificates.

All this stuff speaks for itself, does not it, my friends?..

I am sure people look up, respect, and appreciate all this credibility and the lot.

I also I appreciate my staff’s hard work for which I pay considerably a lot.

Time is off the essence, so I must go now.

But I don’t like chit-chatting with people as I walk by.

Wasting time isn’t my way, and I wouldn’t like to say ‘Hi, ‘How’re you?’, ‘What’re you doing?’

Because I want high performance and I don’t want to distract my staff, take them from what they’re doing.

 

And anyway..

Have a nice day..

But don't forget to do x, y, and z... before the end of the day,

I certainly don't mind if you stay late.

(Also shared on 24/7 Poems 24/7 Tales )

Reviews

[aj milton]

haha sad but true for those of us that spent at least some time in the corporate rat race,

and the circles keep turning
and the buzzwords change
but the invisible handcuffs
are still there some of the time!