A Sour Rendezvous

A Story by Eliezer

Short story of a date between individuals of clashing personalities.

Richard waited anxiously in front of the restaurant. He knew that he should have insisted on picking her up. Now, like a fool, he had to stand and wait for his date hoping he wouldn’t get stood up. Groups of smiling people walked into the doors, and each time they opened, he could smell the aroma of Italian cuisine. Richard looked at his watch. They were supposed to meet at 5pm, but it was now 5:22. Hunger was settling in and walking into the establishment by himself for a meal became increasingly tempting. Perhaps it was time to assume she won’t show. He tried to swallow the frustration and humiliation that came with the realization. However, he hoped that a nice meal and wine would remedy his distress. Just as he was about to head inside, he heard a feminine voice to the right of him.

“And so, our futures shine like gems. For my tardiness, I make amends.”

Richard looked at her for a few seconds. It took him some time to realize it, but she was indeed the person he was supposed to meet. To say that her appearance was different from her online profile would be a vast understatement. In her profile, she looked to be a prim and proper woman fully equipped with glasses and a ponytail. However, it seems since then she had traded her glasses for a nose ring, and her ponytail cut off along with any hair that used to be on the side of her head.

“Are you… Sasha?” Richard slowly asked.

She smiled and said, “Indeed, I am. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Richard.”

“Nice to meet you too. So, um. What was that just now?” Richard asked nervously.

“What was what?”

“The rhyming.”

“Oh, that. Well, I’m a poet, you see-”

‘Great. She’s unemployed,’ Richard thought.

“-and sometimes the inspiration to create lyrical art hits me so strongly that I can’t help but to just let it out you know?”

“Right.” Richard considered stopping the date there. But he was especially hungry at the time, so he ultimately decided to continue on with it.

“Well Ms. Poet, let’s head inside shall we?”

The inside was what one would have expected from a mid-range restaurant. There were trinkets on the walls and gum under the tables. Richard wasn’t too keen on spending much money on a first date, so the place sufficed.

After they got to a table and ordered their drinks, the two of them sat silently across from each other. To alleviate the awkwardness, Richard spoke first.

“So, this poetry of yours.” Sasha’s eyes lit up upon his mention of her passion. “Do you perform it on stage or something?”

“Absolutely. But, not always. Sometimes in moments of inspiration, I’ll write one down and keep it for myself. I have a very creative mind, and the world isn’t ready for some of my ahead of time ideas.”

‘The more she speaks, the less I want to listen,’ Richard thought.

“How about you?” She asked. “In what way do you contribute to this fine society of ours?”

“I work at a post office,” Richard said.

Sasha grimaced “The post office?”

“What? You don’t approve of the mail?”

“That’s just so… dull.”

“Well, admittedly it’s not the most exciting job in the world, but I don’t think it’s too bad. Puts food on the table.”

“Puts food on the table, you say? A life spent working a dreary job just to eat for another day is no life worth living.”

Richard was starting to get annoyed with her. He allowed himself a less than polite response.

“Well excuse me for not pursuing a career as lucrative as reciting bad poems to hipsters.”

Her eyes went wide with surprise at his comment.

“Just a joke, don’t take it so hard,” Richard said, in a vain attempt to conduct damage control.

“That’s not very funny,” She said, raising her voice.

“Eh. Humor is subjective,” Richard said while taking a sip of his drink.

“I don’t just ‘recite bad poems to hipsters’, you a*s. But I doubt someone who licks envelopes all day could appreciate fine arts.”

“Hah. Fine arts? You’re not referring to that cringe-worthy line you said to me earlier are you?”

A waiter approached the table and attempted to ask if they were ready to order. However, he got interrupted by Sasha’s yelling.

“I don’t have to put up with this! I’m out of here.” Sasha got up.

“Wait, wait. Look. I’m sorry O.K? Let’s just sit down have a nice dinner and not talk about our occupations. You’re hungry too, right?”

Sasha looked at Richard, then at the confused waiter. “Fine,” She said sitting back down. “But no more talking smack about my poetry.”

“Of course,” Richard said.

Even though he didn’t think very highly of her personality, he still found her attractive and wanted to give things at least a try. Additionally, he reminded himself how rare it was to strike an actual date through the sausage fest of a dating site he used.

The waiter looked back and forth between them. After a brief moment of indecision, he finally asked, “…Are you ready to order?”

Sasha cleared her throat. “Yes, I’ll start with the mozzarella sticks.”

“Alright one mozzarella sticks appetizer,” The waiter said while writing in his notebook.

Richard glared at her.

“Oh, what’s your problem now?” Sasha asked.

He really wanted to keep the peace, but now her actions were bugging him even more.

“No, nothing. Just thinking you’re a pretty big spender, that’s all. ‘Least when it isn’t your money.”

“Are you serious right now?” She asked.

“Are YOU serious?” Richard asked back. “You’re having a full three-course meal on my dime. I’m just saying, if you’re gonna be costing me all this money, you better put out. That’s all I’m saying.”

Now he's gone and said it. ‘D****t Richard, you let your temper get the best of you again,’ He thought to himself.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing right now. You are so rude!”

“I’m rude? Let’s talk about rude. You came in here with no purse. And there’s no way you can fit a wallet in those swiss cheesed jeans of yours. You came to a date late, with no money and ordered a damn appetizer. That right there is freaking rude.”

“You don’t know what I had to go through to make it here, OK? Just to fit your stupid schedule.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m sure the ‘free thinkers’ are really bummed about not listening to your fine art. What a tragedy. How could I have taken up the time of such a genius.”

“Oh, how morality bends. When faced with the carnality of men.” Sasha said while waving her hand.

“That’s a cute one. How’s this for poetry?” Richard leaned in. “If I don’t get to sex, we’re getting two checks.”

“Wow. Wooooow.” Sasha was taken aback. “Your grammar and brash delivery need work. But you actually almost said something decent. Like a caveman making jewelry out of dung.”

“Thank you,” Richard said.

All throughout their exchange the waiter awkwardly stood at the table unsure of what to do. He looked around to see if a manager or anyone could provide him assistance. No other person that could help was in the immediate area. It seemed he would have to handle things himself.

“Um, guys. You’re making a bit of scene here. You think you could… I don’t know hash things out outside?” The waiter asked.

They both looked at the waiter.

“You know what, leaving’s a good idea,” Sasha said. She got up and walked past the waiter. She turned back around and faced Richard. “Bye, a*****e.”

Sasha strolled over the exit and angrily pushed it open, startling the people around her.

Richard sat in silence for a few seconds, pondering his life decisions.

“Would you still like to order something, sir?” The waiter asked.

Richard looked over at him. “Um. Yeah. I’m still hungry.”

“What would you like?”

“I’ll start with the mozzarella sticks.”

It had been many years since Richard had that encounter. And many times, he had recounted it among friends and family. It was something he wouldn’t easily forget. The wisdom of years had turned that day from a frustrating occurrence to a nostalgic memory.

Richard tucked his sleeping children into their bed. They slept peacefully in their warm covers. Fatherhood certainly has a way of making the most mundane moments seem like snapshots of fine art. They were the most recent listeners of his story. It seemed appropriate for them to hear it. It surely was a story with a clash of personalities. But besides it being a story of strife and discord, It was a story of how he met their mother and the love of his life.