encompassing void

empaths feel others feelings.

Rib cage

pulled open

wider

and wider

It's filled

filled with darkness

the blackest of blacks

heavy

tainted

black

Encompasses it all

Seeping in

through pores

veins

seeping

heavy clinging blackness

bigger

bigger than my my lungs

infinite void

everything I had given you

everything we shared

everything you took

is now an endless

dark encompassing

void.

Reviews

[Camryn Jeter]

You captured the feeling of heartbreak very well in such brief language. The way you told the rib cage was being pulled open is how it feels when someone hurts you, tearing a hole in the chest. They're gone, so the place they kept in your heart is gone, hence a void. All that's left is negative feelings (the blackness). Love this.

[Elie Marie]

thank you so much :)

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the way you used the language. Create visions of darkness and ripped out ribcage. The strong description led to the very good ending.
"is now an endless
dark encompassing
void."
Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Elie Marie]

thank you so much.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[Einstein Noodle]

eyow! nothing like starting out strong .. i worked as a nurse and have seen surgeries during which just such a thing happens and your vivid poetry brought visions leaping to mind .. its so dark its beyond the destructive power of heartbreak and loss .. whew! "ickey gooey" doesn't work so well for me .. i dont think you need it or can say it in a way that doesn't lighten the mood .. last six and closing lines are strong .. brings that bleak caverned chest to a closing human agony ... eeeeeeeeeyow!
E.

[Elie Marie]

thanks :)
I'll try and work that out.

[Elie Marie]

I fixed it... I think. I think I also like this better. It flows better, at least in my head.

[Einstein Noodle]

:) ..............

[ANTO]

The message is conveyed well here ElieMarie. Some relationships are indeed very toxic it can feel like we've fallen into a tar pit with no chance of escape but there is always hope.
On a critical note I would replace 'ickey gooey' - it takes away from the tone of the write - too playful for such a powerful piece, I feel.
How about prolific/profuse as a replacement for ickey and adhering/sticky for gooey

I like the format - it suits this one very well.
Cool
:)

[Elie Marie]

yea I was at a loss for better words.
thank you for the feedback. I'll try and work that out.

[ANTO]

My pleasure Elie Marie - I had to consult the thesaurus for adhering (shhh...dont tell anyone)

[Elie Marie]

I changed it. thanks :)

[ANTO]

I see that - I like it. Fits perfectly. :))

[Elie Marie]

yay :) thanks.

[ANTO]

You're very welcome. have a nice day. :)