Prologue

With my poor prologue writing abilities :P yeah, it's short. Be happy about that.

 ~  Ouxlau Kingdom~

 A kingdom of poverty, the Kingdom of Ouxlau is ruled by Alden Osmear III. His queen recently passed  of old age, and refusing to take a new bride, a grim aura has settled upon the kingdom. But the kingdom has always been a grim, negative place. Riots break out at the castle gates, the prisons at their maximum capacity, and now highly believable  rumors are spreading that an assassin has been hired to kill the King, the entire kingdom is a swarming beehive of negative activity. And no one would believe that the wight of all this stress sits on not the King's shoulders, but on the shoulders of his only child, Aspen. His daughter,  17 years of age, has been forced by the King's side after the loss of his wife as a sort of consultant of important matters. The King claims his reason for doing so is to prepare his daughter for her future position at the throne. Most people believe this, because the King has no sons, and he wishes for his family to stay in power for as long as it possibly can,  he plans to pass the crown on to his daughter. Though Aspen knows that's not the truth. Her father is a greedy coward, bent on taking everything he can from this kingdom before he dies. He plans to blame everything on Aspen once the kingdom comes crumbling down in whatever way it may meet its end. Though she'd never dare put that knowledge into words.

 For the past few days,  the rumors of an assassin coming for the King have been circulating rapidly. The King and what little supporters he does have are taking every precaution they possibly can to make sure that this rumor does not become anything more than that.

(There will be a map here at some point)

Author's Note

Check back later on. Putting together a map of Ouxlau and the surrounding kingdoms.

And for the record, I really dislike the title I came up with for this. It seems cheesy, doesn't it? Or maybe not cheesy but sorta... Immature? Something a child would come up with?

Reviews

[Eldarwen]

It could be very interesting, if you don't make it too clichée but as far as creative outlet goes, the prologue gives a nice start for a hopefully good story. The writing itself could benefit from a bit of spell checking but it flows nicely and is easy to read. You did say you couldn't care less about crit but since you've asked for comments on the details... here you go :)

So, as for your details. The hints you have put in already, but you could develop them a little, which can simply be done by going over the prologue again and shifting around your sentences maybe and explaining the situation a little more. You could describe the king and his daughter a little more in the prologue if you want that kind of detail, but I wouldn't do it too much in order to keep a bit something for the next few chapters.

You could describe the kingdom a little more, the negativity for instance. What makes it negative apart from the fact that everyone seems to have turned gloomy along with the king after the loss of his wife (that btw is something you might want to make a little more clear: it's the king refusing to take a new wife, and therefore the kingdom turns dark) or why does this have such an impact on the kingdom other than him wanting to take everything he possibly can?

The assassin bit I personally would leave out of the first paragraph and focus a little more on that in the second paragraph. Other than that, I'd put in a little something extra for that second paragraph which would make it easier for you to lead into the next chapter, something to nicely finish off the prologue - that in turn can be whatever you want, depends on which way you want to go with your story really.

Hope this helps! :)

[Ethan Lang]

May I suggest using an easier to read font? Or at least not using red? Enjoyable but it's difficult to read properly.

[Raven Starhawk]

This was put together exceptionally well. The flow is nice and powerful along with your close attention to detail.

[Tai Ryens]

Hm, interesting. Got me wanting more, I do hope you continue this. May I kindly ask you to increase the font size a little though? Kinda hard to read when they're clumped together in such a small font. Other than that, pretty alright.