little loose leaf

little

loose

leaf

you would love

           to move

mountains mighty

dispel the dark

which fell on your tree

and avoid the unforeseen

reticulation

ensnared by your trepidation

but if it came to pass

that gold and green

may grow so heavy as

to free and flee this web

then crescive congregation of your form

may flock

may organize

take air

lay mountainous placidity

in earthen disrepair

return again to what you were before

little loose leaf, and rest upon settled score

Author's Note

Do the multi-syllabic rhymes feel forced? I've been wondering whether I should replace them with simpler rhymes to fit the rest of the poem. Also, do the two lines of iambic pentameter clash with the free verse preceding them? Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[ReedWrite]

Not forced. I like the flow. I like the intensity...you force the reader to step outside their comfort zone, and that's what makes the piece so powerful. It's an intellectual and emotional ride. Good job.

[Eli Gallagher]

Thank you very much ReedWrite! I spent a lot of time shuffling the line structures around, glad to hear it paid off.

[C.m.v.]

I don't think anything seems forced. I admit it is quite a bit 'deeper' than most I've read and a lot of readers might get a little lost in some of the words but I find it original, interesting and amazing. :)

[Eli Gallagher]

Thanks C.m.v.! I think I'll keep it as is then.