dandelion her

Free verse

i've seen her dandelion hair

disintegrate

flower by flower

floating away in the summer breeze

i've seen her

make those things that were soft and soft

screaming inside of her pearly skin

and waiting, wanting

turned into sicknesses

mouths open like bird chicks, eating pearls of remedies

and her brilliant mind

making sense of medical mysteries

but not of herself

i think you will be fine sweetheart

i can let my love rest and slumber

and finally let my heart look at other women

because i know you're protected

in the ways you choose

and need

to be protected by

very far away from were my life is now

but when i see your dandelion hair again

i want to bury my face in their soft summer landscape

i want to be 15 again

and love a girl for the first time

i want to be her black shadow walking lost in the streets of Berlin

hair face decorated with crystals

and her white dress clutching a figure i could have died to enter

when i see your hair

i will remember how you without a word grabbed my pillows and put them in your bed

and i slipped down next to you

in your arms

making love in the most innocent way i ever have

never kissing your mouth

because we didn't want to silence

the words we uttered in each others presence

wisdom i have forgotten

she would fall asleep more quietly than anyone

like she was gone from the world

and i would stare at the ceiling and whisper

what is this

what am i here

not fitting with her pieces in the way I knew

but fitting with her mind

her hands would be on my belly

my hips

my ribs

my shoulders

and i would lean against her throat

and see a world in her scent

a world of contradictions

and troubles

and storms ahead

and i would despise every man

who looked at her for too long

having her burning hands touching me  in some way

to remind me that she would be half naked next to me

when the night fell

that her breathing would become faster when it was close to my mouth

two little bodies holding back a horde of desires

and

leaving the bed in the morning

like two separate things

two separate women

bending our bodies

to fit the boys

that wanted us

i have never until now

wanted something 

as much as I wanted you

but you lead me to her

and she leads me to you

and I think i can find myself whole somewhere there in between