Chapter One

"Congratulations!"

I frowned as I sat in my chair in Darcy's backyard and watched our guests raise their champagne glasses in a toast. I lazily toasted my own solo cup up to tap against my friends' (filled with sparkling grape juice, courtesy of parents roaming around). Why did mom have to get a promotional transfer now of all times? I was in the middle of my high school career, and they just decided for the heck of it to drag me along on this stupid transfer back to South Carolina.

"You've gotta take lots of pictures," Joey said excitedly. "I've never been to the east coast!"

I gave him a look. "Wanna trade places?"

He ruffled his dark brown hair. It was a habit of his I had grown quite fond of. One of the many things I was going to miss.

"Oh, come on, darling," Charity said, her British nose tilted slightly in the air, "Chin up." She grabbed my tan hands enthusiastically. "I'm sure you'll find great friends in South Carolina   even if the beaches in Malibu are better than theirs."

I shook my head slightly. I knew my mood was affecting my friends. I didn't mean to be a downer. Really. I was trying. This party was for my family, after all, and everyone went to the trouble of making it perfect for us.

Darcy's dads had decked out their beach house to the nines. It was a luau theme, which was sort of funny considering it was the dead of winter. A lot of adults wore tacky grass skirts and wore leis around their necks. For the most part, the teens that were invited tried to ignore the coconut bras on the moms, and tended to sit in the backyard where the view of the ocean was perfect. But more importantly, it was an easy distraction from the shirtless fathers walking around. Nobody wants to see man-b***s.

Nobody.

Earlier, I had watched as little kids tried (and failed) to throw doll heads at the fiery flames of the tikkis. One kid almost made it, but missed like all the others, and the head wound up flung into the fruit punch bowl. Mrs. Butts (yes, it is her real name) complained very loudly that she had found a blonde hair in her cup. I received quite a few silent glares from her that evening.

I guess she thought it was my hair or something.

Everyone who was anyone was at that party. And those who weren't invited were few and far between. I had dealt with so many meet and greet situations, I felt like my head was in that punch bowl instead.

It was like I was in a freaking circus. With all of the lanterns and bright lights, I could have been in one. Everyone was wearing a costume. Faces painted with thick make up and all. Dressed to impress. But my group of friends…

I smiled at them.

They were the most down to earth people I knew.

Drew suddenly placed a large plate of food in my lap, tearing me away from my thoughts. The thing I had been avoiding all night was now staring me straight in the face. Oh god…

"You've gotta eat something," he encouraged, a dazzling smile in place. "Come on." I swear his f*****g teeth sparkled. "Just one bite."

Yes.

He gave me a heaping helping of cake.

Cake.

Great.

I forced a crooked smile on my face. I hoped it was convincing.

"Yum," I said, feeling their eyes on me as I forced a mouthful down.

The first bite was delicious and I finished it…less than happily. But the second one…that one was harder. A lot harder. But I forced it down. I could practically feel the sugar shimmy its way from my stomach down to my thighs.

"Just keep it positive, love," Charity said, smiling as I chewed. "I'm sure you'll make fast friends there."

The sugar stuck to the roof of my mouth like superglue. Swallowing it was like forcing wet cement down my throat. I felt like I was going to throw up. I hadn't had such sweetness in ages.

Strict diet.

Strict exercise.

Strict self.

Remember what Dr. Knutz said, I thought, chewing slowly. Just take it day by day, one bite at a time.

"Okay," Darcy said, grabbing the plate away from me with her fingers and winking at me, "Enough cake." She got a glint in her dark brown eyes. "Time for memory lane."

Oh thank god for Darcy.

She knew all too well what cake could do to me.

And to my cellulite free a*s.

"Favorite memory of Tori," she pressed, "Go!"

"That's easy darling," Charity chuckled, smoothing out invisible wrinkles from her purple dress. "The time she talked me out of buying that horrid Christmas t-shirt." She laughed and shook her head. "But seriously. She's always been a life saver." She grinned at me. "In fashion and in life."

"In all fairness, the top wasn't that bad," I said half-heartedly.

I could feel a rare sugar-rush headache coming on. I hadn't had one in a really long time.

"Oh, come on," Charity chortled, "It was atrocious." She glanced at Joey's rubber green sandals. "Like those disgusting things on your feet."

"What?" he asked defensively, "They're comfy!"

Charity relaxed against her white chair, but not all the way. She had a huge sense of pride in her posture. As a ballerina, I suppose you had to.

"But in all seriousness, I remember in seventh grade," Charity said fondly, "We put on this adorable little dance show."

I paled. Oh god…that thing was terrible.

"Oh yeah," Darcy said slowly. "We put it on for the whole middle school to watch."

"Darcy was in charge of advertising," she continued, eyeing a chipped nail with annoyance before glancing up at me, "And Tori made the decorations."

Oh no.

I blushed. "…I set up the stage."

Charity's lips pressed together to keep laughter from peeling out. "Yes, you most certainly did."

"Didn't the whole thing collapse?" Joey recalled, scratching his cheek thoughtfully. "Curtains, set…everything?"

"Whoa, what?" Drew asked worriedly.

He had gone to a separate middle school than the rest of us, and had no memory of the atrocity.

"Everyone was fine," I said hurriedly as Charity and Darcy started letting out their cackles.

"Your dress wasn't," Charity snorted, "You managed to show your panties to the entire school."

"Luckily nobody made fun of me for it," I snapped, still sore about the memory"especially since my mom caught it on tape and everything.

"Oh, sweetie," Darcy laughed, "You were too pitiful to make fun of."

I folded my arms.

"But that was the day I knew we were going to be best friends for life," Charity said happily, "Because anyone who sacrifices their self-worth for someone else is great in my book." She nudged me. "Besides, your panties were absolutely fabulous. Fashionista zebra print, if I remember correctly."

"Gee," I grumbled, sinking into the fluffy white cushion I sat on, "Thanks."

"Well, my favorite memory hasn't happened yet," Joey said with a smirk. "Even though I got turned down by the party queen   " Charity shot him a glare. "I'm still waiting for a kiss from her."

He leaned forward and pursed his lips at me. I rolled my eyes. Joey was a player. He went through girls like some people go through tissues. And when he was done with them, he threw them away like trash too.

But he was a reliable friend. Joey was the guy you could count on to have your back in tough situations. While he didn't believe in monogamy, he sure as hell believed in being there for others. He was really good at it, too.

"Next," Darcy said exasperatedly, looking to Drew.

"Aw, come on!" he shouted, "It was a joke! A joke!" He coughed and leaned forward. "Okay, okay. There was this one time…"

As he explained the time I got him out of detention, I looked back toward the cake that was now sitting on the coffee table in front of me. I had barely gotten in four bites, and already I could feelmyself wanting to gorge. If you've ever been addicted to something, you know the feeling. Uncontrollable urges, a desire beyond compare…this was torture.

I took a few shaky breaths.

Every cell in my body was screaming at me to shovel cake down my throat. I wanted to grab three more pieces and slip inside to the bathroom where I could down it all. Just the thought was tearing my mind in half.

I can control this, I thought. I can do it.

I felt my stomach lurch.

But it's only one slice. You can eat it. You've been so good lately. Just a little treat won't hurt.

I clenched my teeth together.

I can keep it together.

Oh, why did I force that crap down my throat?

"…So Mr. Keller came running out of his classroom," Joey continued, exaggerating the details, "And started screaming, 'Fire! Fire!' at the top of his lungs while me and Taurus, over here, slipped out the back."

I smiled shakily at Joey. My hands…they wouldn't stop trembling. All they wanted to do was snatch that cake and shove it in my face. It was like crack, sugar. It was a f*****g drug.

A food addiction is no different from any other drug addiction. It's like an alcoholic free from wine for a while takes a few sips, thinking he'll be fine, only to find that he can't stop drinking. Just one sip won't hurt, right? One bite won't hurt.

Only it does.

"Well, I guess it's my turn?" Drew asked.

Darcy smiled fondly at her boyfriend. They were so in love, it made me sick.

I frowned.

I suddenly had the urge to vomit.

And no, it wasn't because Darcy's eyes were filled with hearts.

It was the cake.

That goddamn cake.

"Sorry," I said, interrupting, standing up abruptly. "I've gotta go."

My Jimmy Choo heels sank into the sand.

"Go?" Charity asked, "Go where, darling?" She blinked a few times in astonishment. "The party's here."

"I just…"

I couldn't breathe.

"I need some air."

"We'll be back," Darcy said quickly, knowing all too well what was happening. "I think a little walk on the beach will help."

"Then we should all go," Charity insisted, not understanding what was going on, "This is your last week here, and I want to spend every moment with you."

"O-Of course," I said weakly.

My stomach was doing flips.

"Nah," Joey replied, glancing over his shoulder at Tabitha Wilhelm, who had been voted most popular in ninth grade by the boys and was conveniently single, "I think I'm gonna stay here."

Drew started to stand out of respect.

"I can go with you guys   "

"No, no, dear," Charity said, patting him on the shoulder. "Stay here and watch our seats." She smiled gently and brushed a dark curl away from her pale face. "Make sure none of the riff raff take our purses."

But I was already running in between the guests. I saw blurs of green grass skirts and shirtless old dudes flash by. People tried to stop me wishing me the best and all that, but between my head and heart pounding, I couldn't hear a damn word they said.

It was like I was spinning in circles. I couldn't stop shaking. The whole world was one of those awful spin-rides you get on as a kid, thinking that it's going to be fun. Only it isn't, because you really shouldn't have eaten that chilidog before you went on that f*****g swirly space ship.

Except this wasn't a kid's ride.

It was reality.

And unfortunately, I couldn't pull a lever to stop it.

Just a few months before, my life had been perfect. I was captain of the tennis team, kicked a*s in my soccer tournament, and had finally gotten through my last therapy session per request   err, rather demand   from my mother. It was so unfair! Just because she got a transfer, didn't mean she had any right to pick my life up and move it on a whim.

As my heels were kicked off, I ran faster, finally coming to the wide spread of public beach just beyond Darcy's home. When my feet hit the water, I could feel the vomit pressing at my lips. There was no stopping it, so I went further into the lukewarm, clear ocean water.

I think it's important to bring up a few of my other best friends now. The girls not invited to my party for a very good reason. The ones I thought I had dealt with:

Ana and Mia.

Ana stayed by my side for quite some time after I moved to Malibu with mom. Whenever I'd get nervous, I'd just turn to her and she'd be right there, waiting for me. She kept me safe and in control, even when I felt like I was powerless to stop everything. She's the one who helped me lose the most weight throughout the years. But you see, the thing about Ana is that she always came with a price. She made me do weird things like lie about having eaten the lunch mom had prepared. Or, when Dan came into the picture, I'd slip my dinner onto his plate when he was too busy staring at my mom all goo-goo eyed   Ana's suggestion, of course.

So when mom caught on, she started monitoring my meals. I began eating regularly, and I gained some weight back.

Ana eventually went away.

Then came Mia.

Mia was a bit subtler than Ana. And she stayed with me no matter what I did. She was my bathroom buddy"the girl I applied make up with and the one who stayed around when I felt sick. She was there through thick and thin. But mostly thin.

It wasn't until mom found me curled up over the toilet bowl vomiting my guts out my freshman year that she decided to get me help. Mental help. Like throw me away in the psychiatric ward for a few weeks during the summer   help.

And Mia only came to visit once in a blue moon during that time. Some friend she was, huh?

Eventually I got better, and Mia had disappeared too.

Or at least, I thought she had.

She popped up every once in a while, without me even calling her. I didn't even have to press my finger to the dial to get her to come anymore. She just came when she wanted. Mainly when I was nervous or freaked out over something.

But Ana stayed away.

And for that, I was grateful.

For the most part, Ana and Mia were too busy with their other friends to drop in on me. They're pretty popular, you know. Although, most people call them by their full names:

Anorexia and bulimia.

You'd think a girl like me would be used to calling them by their real names.

But no.

You never really get used to it.

"Oh sweet baby Jesus!" Charity shouted, as she ran, "A bucket! Grab a bucket!"

"I think it's a little too late for that," Darcy said worriedly as my lunch and dinner floated around me.

"Just go back to the party," I said shakily, my knees quivering with each wave. "I'm fine, guys." I was secretly happy that I had decided to keep my hair in an up-do for the party. "Really."

I coughed hard.

"Really?" Charity squealed. I could practically hear her biting her nails in despair. "Because you just vomited all over high class couture!"

I didn't have to look over my shoulder to know Darcy was shooting a deadly glare at Charity. I tried to swallow, but the disgusting acid kept piling up in my throat again. I dry heaved a few times. But nothing would come up.

"What?" Charity shouted, "Just because she's sick doesn't mean she has to vomit on"oh god, she's doing it again!"

"S**t, Charity," I cursed as yellow cake came up and poured out of my mouth, "Think you can calm your tits?"

"My tits are calm, thank you very much," Charity sniffed daintily, "I think it's your stomach that needs to calm down!"

I felt the hot tears pour down my cheeks and watched as they plunked into the icy blue ocean. The burning in my chest wouldn't stop. No matter how many times I inhaled, I couldn't get enough air.

"Ugh, this is disgusting," Darcy groaned as I wiped my sloppy mouth with the back of my hand.

"Well, I'm sorry, okay?" I shouted angrily. "It's not my fault I have an eating disorder!" I shut my eyes tightly as my vision blurred. "It's not my fault that I have to go back to that hell hole!"

A few plops and splashes sounded behind me. I looked back to find the both of them fully stripped down to their bathing suits, shoes and dresses on dry sand. Wearing a bathing suit under your clothes is a necessity when you live so close to the beach. I raised my eyebrows.

"You guys seriously don't have to come out here."

My own dress, soaking wet from vomit and ocean, clung to my legs like there was no tomorrow. I clutched the ends, trying to hold onto something stable. All it did was squeeze out a bit of red vomit from the white fabric.

"Oh, yes we do," Charity snapped, dodging a floating pile of vomit, "Best friends forever, and all that crap." She folded her arms impatiently. "Besides, your make up is smearing and someone has to redo it."

"In sickness and in health," Darcy pressed, grimacing at a piece of cake by her leg. "Although, I'd prefer health right now."

"I'm just nervous, okay?" I growled. "I didn't think I'd have to go back to South Carolina ever again."

My world was turning over, wrong side up, and just like the vomit, there was no stopping it. I shuddered. I wasn't cold…I was just weak from throwing up so much.

"You'll be okay," Darcy said, rubbing my shoulders. It was soothing. "Just breathe."

I gave a shaky sigh.

"Kind of hard to do when I'm blowing chunks," I laughed.

"Laughter is good," Charity said, holding onto me tightly so I wouldn't fall. "Laughter means you're feeling better, right?" With one final heave, I could feel the last of my stomach empty. "…Or not."

With that heave, all of my fears came to the surface. Bubbling up like calorie free soda, they surged. I didn't want them to. I didn't want to face my fears.

And yet, there they were.

I trembled in their arms. "…How am I gonna survive?"

But they didn't have an answer for me.

So we just sort of stayed silent, watching piles of vomit float by while the sun went down. I eventually stopped shaking, but we stayed there for a long time. Holding each other. The way best friends do when they never want to let go. It was kind of nice, in a way. A good start to my last week in Malibu.

But as a chunk of cake touched my thigh, I knew all good things must come to an end.

Author's Note

Please read and review. Let me know what you think of my work. Here are some suggested questions to assist you in your review:

1. Where is point of view clear and effective? Where do you need more information on the character's thoughts or feelings? Less information?
2. How can the author create a sense of tension or develop pacing? Think about places that might need to be cut or cut down to keep the "flow" of the piece.
3. Point out moments where there is telling instead of showing. Offer suggestions to create "showing."
4. After reading the chapter, what do you want to know more about? What parts hooked you as a reader?

Again, these are just suggestions. I would appreciate the feedback.

Thanks ever so much,
Eleanor A. Bennett

Reviews

[leenalettingitout]

So, as much as I like this chapter, I'm having difficulty accepting it. I think it's great that her friends are supportive and the party situation is a good one to let us see her in and everything, but something just feels a little ... cliche, as a whole.

"Everyone who was anyone was at that party. And those who weren't invited were few and far between. " I think you only need one of these sentences or the other here. They're both saying the same thing.

"Okay," Darcy said, grabbing the plate away from me with her fingers and winking at me, "Enough cake." She got a glint in her dark brown eyes. "Time for memory lane."

Oh thank god for Darcy.

She knew all too well what cake could do to me."
Right here it appears that Darcy is encouraging her not to eat, so it's sort of confusing later when she's


"That's easy darling," Charity chuckled, smoothing out invisible wrinkles from her purple dress. "The time she talked me out of buying that horrid Christmas t-shirt." She laughed and shook her head. "But seriously. She's always been a life saver." She grinned at me. "In fashion and in life."

"In all fairness, the top wasn't that bad," I said half-heartedly."
This is one of those moments that seemed very cliche. Like, typical rich kids whose greatest concern is fashion. I mean, if that's what you were going for, by all means leave it just as it is. That's just the kind of the vibe I'm getting from them and I'm not sure if it's intentional or not.


"Well, my favorite memory hasn't happened yet," Joey said with a smirk. "Even though I got turned down by the party queen " Charity shot him a glare. "I'm still waiting for a kiss from her."
It's confusing who he's talking about when he's saying "I'm still waiting for a kiss from her." Like, is he talking about Charity, or Tori?


"If you've ever been addicted to something, you know the feeling. Uncontrollable urges, a desire beyond compare…this was torture." and "A food addiction is no different from any other drug addiction. It's like an alcoholic free from wine for a while takes a few sips, thinking he'll be fine, only to find that he can't stop drinking. Just one sip won't hurt, right? One bite won't hurt."
These two parts feel more like an explanation on a website of what it's like to be disordered more than the voice of your character.


"Ana and Mia.

Ana stayed by my side for quite some time after I moved to Malibu with mom. Whenever I'd get nervous, I'd just turn to her and she'd be right there, waiting for me. She kept me safe and in control, even when I felt like I was powerless to stop everything. She's the one who helped me lose the most weight throughout the years. But you see, the thing about Ana is that she always came with a price. She made me do weird things like lie about having eaten the lunch mom had prepared. Or, when Dan came into the picture, I'd slip my dinner onto his plate when he was too busy staring at my mom all goo-goo eyed Ana's suggestion, of course.

So when mom caught on, she started monitoring my meals. I began eating regularly, and I gained some weight back.

Ana eventually went away.

Then came Mia.

Mia was a bit subtler than Ana. And she stayed with me no matter what I did. She was my bathroom buddy"the girl I applied make up with and the one who stayed around when I felt sick. She was there through thick and thin. But mostly thin.

It wasn't until mom found me curled up over the toilet bowl vomiting my guts out my freshman year that she decided to get me help. Mental help. Like throw me away in the psychiatric ward for a few weeks during the summer help.

And Mia only came to visit once in a blue moon during that time. Some friend she was, huh?

Eventually I got better, and Mia had disappeared too.

Or at least, I thought she had.

She popped up every once in a while, without me even calling her. I didn't even have to press my finger to the dial to get her to come anymore. She just came when she wanted. Mainly when I was nervous or freaked out over something.

But Ana stayed away.

And for that, I was grateful.

For the most part, Ana and Mia were too busy with their other friends to drop in on me. They're pretty popular, you know. Although, most people call them by their full names:

Anorexia and bulimia.

You'd think a girl like me would be used to calling them by their real names.

But no.

You never really get used to it."
I think refering to the disorders as her "friends" who are actually kind of abusive is a nice touch, but to then come out and say "anorexia and bulimia" feels unnecessary. The people who get it will understand and it wouldn't be so bad to keep them in the dark because I'm sure if they don't get it they can figure it out eventually by the way she talks about them. There was just something about this that rubed me the wrong way.


Besides that stuff, though, I did like this chapter a lot.

[Eleanor A. Bennett]

Thanks for the review! The shallow, cliched feeling of this chapter is intentional. There's going to be a different feeling from California to South Carolina, and I want to make a clear distinction of that in the writing. So I'm glad you noticed it while reading.

Joey is referring to Tori in his remark. Charity, being prim and proper, is just glaring at him to reprimand him. I'll make that intention clearer.

Darcy is assisting her because she knows Tori's inner turmoil with certain foods. Cake just happens to be one of them. Sometimes it's easier to face your demons when someone is there to assist you.

I'm super glad you enjoyed the chapter! I'll continue working hard and take your comments into consideration!