Lola.

A Story by EleAkev

First 500 words of so of a novel.

As I’m running out of cigarettes and my coffee is getting as cold as my body, I’m trying to stop thinking about those words, but I can’t. They are stuck in my head, “Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets” Why would she say that? Why would a girl named Laura say that? And why did she look so happy? Haven’t she got all that she ever wanted? I have had in life all what I have desire and yet my name isn’t Lola and I’m not happy at all. I never have and I’ll never be. All my dreams did come true but the principal role was taken away from me and represented by someone else, or so I say to myself every night before I go to sleep on my dirty grey mattress. But truth being told, I gave that role away, I wasn’t forced, I was just a fool and fools are easily betrayed.

I need another cup of coffee but I can hear some people at the kitchen. Addictions can wait. But telling the truth can’t. Either that or my desire to destroy her is getting bigger. For so long I have waited to see her falling apart with her lies but instead she won a Nobel Prize, my Nobel Prize. I do believe that waiting for something that will never come damages our soul unless you go and grab that something yourself. And so I decided to tell my story even though I find pointless to tell a truth no one is going to believe. But I figured this out, I will be death by the time you know the whole story and therefore I won’t have to face rejection, that’s all what I am afraid of. Yes, I’m still that shy girl afraid of taking chances twenty five years ago. But things have changed. Now there’s nothing left I can lose so it seems to be the perfect time to take another reckless risk. I think there’s no one in the kitchen anymore. I could go for my cup of coffee right now but who would tell you guys a sweet story as mine, then?

Before I open the door of the memories’ house I’ve kept all my ghosts locked, I must apologize in advance if it feels like I’ve lost my touch. In fact, I have. Being special does not mean that everything you touch will be special as well. You have to pour some of your soul in what you do, not too much to avoid being exposed and not too little to seem ordinary. Be Careful, I tried to be. Extraordinary careful with everything but love and love took my essence away, silly me.

I wouldn’t have met her if the love of my life wouldn’t have been in love with her first. I spent one month of my entire life hearing things about her. How mysterious she was. How many songs had she wrote for local bands, how good and peaceful he felt when he read the letter she gave to him. I have never seen him so excited about something, not even when he was mine.

- She’s perfect, isn’t she? �" Said Kurt after he sat next to me as he used to do every single day after classes.

- Why is that? �" I asked, pretending I cared.

- Well, she finds me perfect because I’m not.