Why Me?

A story of me being abused when I was a child and figuring why it happened to me.

Why Me?

 

            When I was six years old my babysitter abused me for several months. I didn’t know why it was me. I have asked myself that for a long time now. “Why me?” I hadn’t hurt anyone. I didn’t even know what was happening to me. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t know how to handle it.

            I realized what happened wasn’t normal after it had stopped. The babysitter was sent to prison and my parents started taking me to therapy. I realized pretty quickly this wasn’t a normal thing that happened to everyone. I tried talking to a lot people about it, my therapist, my parents, my friends; but none of them really understood it seemed to me. So I stopped talking to them. I still remember hiding inside of a big black coat, so that no one could talk to me. If they did it was easy to ignore them.

            I finally had to admit that there were other people in the world. I had to leave my coat and actually be with people, my parents and my friends mainly. I also had to admit that I wanted to know why me and not someone else. I asked God. I asked God a lot, I had to know the answer. I finally did get my answer, and it wasn’t what I expected. I honestly don’t know how, I just changed my thinking.

I suddenly thought in terms of “why would God choose me?” Instead of how unfair it was, I looked for the reason. I realized that I might be stronger than I thought, that maybe this was because I could handle the trial and still have faith in God.

            I found out the hard way that bad things happen in the world. Sadly they can happen to anyone. I also found out what it is like to live in a world without God. I still suffer because of the problems caused by this babysitter. God is always providing me with strength and comfort. Sometimes the memories and feelings from the past attack me, I feel like I can’t escape. When that happens I turn to God, I pray or I read scriptures, or I look at the small miracles that happen every day. Then I feel his love and he gives me strength so that I can carry these burdens.

            I am so grateful for a God that is willing to hold me up during hard times. He held me and made me strong for years when I struggled to understand what happened. He was there for me despite my lack of faith. He did not want me to be alone. He is still with me. That is the thing that has really changed, that I am no longer facing this alone. I can face any challenge now. I have the God of all things on my side, I can endure all things, and I know that when things get to hard for me to bear I can turn to him and he will give me the strength I need to overcome any problem.

Author's Note

What you think?

Reviews

[Austin]

Before I begin this review, I would like to say that this is just my opinion, and that opinion comes from a mind that had neither read nor written much. I would also like to stress that I will do my best not to show offense to your religion. Finally, please don't feel either discouraged or insulted by my criticisms; they are only here to offer my opinion.

With that being said, though, this essay/story has really confused me. There are two main things I found lacking that would've offered up a lot more clarity. The first thing is how you dealt with the abuse before you asked God about it. You talk about how you avoid your peers because you didn't want them to judge you, but what about the parents and the teachers? From my own understanding, talking to either of them about it would've gone a long way to solving this whole thing. I believe this to be a true story, but I'm prevented from understanding how truly hopeless the situation is because that information is lacking. Did your parents and teachers not know any of this was happening? If they did, did they try to stop it? Did they not believe you when you told them, taking the authority of the babysitter over your word? I can understand the crippling effects of peer judgment, but when it comes to child abuse from a babysitter, I CANNOT leave the authority figures unnoticed.

The other thing that I feel I need to truly understand your situation is how your life changed AFTER you came to your revelation. This is all I get from your life after your revelation:

"I am so grateful for a God that is willing to hold me up during hard times. He held me and made me strong for years when I struggled to understand what happened. He was there for me despite my lack of faith. He did not want me to be alone. He wants to be with me. He was with me."

What happened afterwards? Did the babysitter still abuse you? Did (s)he leave you alone? Did the two of you reconcile? Did something happen to him/her that would signify a comeuppance? I don't know how it turned out, but for me, just saying God made you strong isn't enough.

I'm guessing my biggest problem with this story is that it's not connected. You don't provide a stable connection between your babysitter's abuse and your faith in God other than that "I could handle the trial and still have faith in God" and that you found out bad happens in the world. I think that for me to like this, I would have to learn how the authority figures in your life reacted to the babysitter's abuse, if they knew about or reacted at all; how God helped you; how you coped with God by your side; and what happened between you and the babysitter. If I learned that, then I believe I could truly see the power of God in a situation like this. As it is, it's just not fleshed out enough.

[Elder Reeve]

Thank you for the comment I will make a few alterations based on what you wrote