Maybe Tomorrow

This is my story about me struggling to let go. It is a series that I created.

Maybe Tomorrow 11.July 2017

Just yesterday I read an article about letting go. 

It said I'm not letting go because I don't want to. So maybe tomorrow I will.

3 years. 

For almost 3 years I have been thinking about you. 

The first time we touched. The first time anyone touched me. 

I never forgot how it felt, how you made me feel.

I hate it.

I hate that I still want the happy ending with you. Or at least a reply, a sorry I did this to you. 

Sorry I left.

Sorry I didn't reply to your texts.

Sorry I made you feel this way. 

Sorry I used you. 

Sorry I didn't use someone else someone who can forget about me in a heartbeat. 

That's all I want. 

I think.

See I think. I think too much. I think what are you doing right now while you are probably with your next or your ex. I think. Your ex. The only girl who doesn't want you back is what I think.

In my head ideas spread of you and her 

and her 

and her 

and her 

and her 

and her 

and her I can't stop.

There are just too many. 

Too many fools or girls who don't care. 

I wish I was one of them. 

One day I will be. 

Maybe tomorrow. 

Is it fear or love that keeps me up at night? 

If this is love then f**k it I don't want any of it. 

I don't need you but I want you and I hate that I do.

But Maybe tomorrow.

Maybe, tomorrow, funny that I even see your name in this sentence. In fact, I see your name everywhere just yesterday I saw it on a shoe so I didn't buy it. It was a pretty shoe. But I couldn't buy it. 

I see your friends everywhere I see your girls everywhere I even see your family I see everyone accept for you. It's driving me crazy - I just want to see you to ignore you and make you feel like I don't care maybe I won't. 

Maybe tomorrow I won't.

But then you pull me back and say this time I am serious

I won't make a fool out of you like 

the last and

the last and 

the last time. 

Is what you'd say. I think. 

But maybe tomorrow.

See I did love a guy. I mean I think I loved him. 

I say, guy, cause he just turned out to be - that guy. 

Man, I don't know how and where and when but I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. 

Sometimes. But then there was you. 

I think I loved him. 

But he never loved me and I felt it so I never let go of the thought of you. 

It made me feel ashamed it was not fair to him. But he didn't love me he loved an image of me. 

I will forgive him one day for saying " I don't think you are pretty...enough. 

But see I know this day will come. 

But you? You have taken over my mind I can't even find you in my sleep. Even my brain is tired of you but what about me? Just a week without thinking of you would be enough.Just a week.

Maybe tomorrow. 

See I make plans. I say I will not look at your profile for a week but then I get weak. I see you with someone else and I want to know who

Who finally made it into your heart?

God or anyone please give me a sign, 

a clear sign it's over. 

Let me look in a future without him,

let me look at the present without him. 

Let me know he was never worth my time, never worth the while. 

Tell me your "lessons learned ", "you're welcome".

Maybe tomorrow I will let go.

Maybe tomorrow I will finally know.