The Sky Has Turned To Gold

A villanelle

The sky has turned to gold

Our dreams are ashes at our feet

Our lives, the greatest stories never told

 

The approaching twilight has made us bold

And so here on the edge of never we meet

The sky has turned to gold

 

And what was the price for our destinies sold?

What did we trade for our fortunes incomplete?

Our lives, the greatest stories never told

 

The sight before us is terrifying to behold

and yet, such beauty to the eye greets

The sky has turned to gold

 

All this time, we tried to break from the mold

But perceptions are a hard thing to beat

Our lives, the greatest stories never told

 

The horizon before us begins to unfold

I wish I could say that life had been sweet.

But the sky has turned to gold

Our lives, the greatest stories never told

Author's Note

Poo, that sucked, but it's done. Still, I feel a smug of pride at having produced such swill.

Reviews

[Sarah]

This certainly did NOT suck. It's GORGEOUS in every way. One of the most challenging parts about writing a villanelle is writing the two lines to be repeated over and over, and your lines are *beautiful*. They were actually my favorite in the poem, especially "Our lives, the greatest stories never told" This had an almost end-of-the-world feel to it, that I just adored! Great job with this!!! ^___^

[W.k.kortas]

Be smug, great luchador, for this is a nicely crafted villanelle. It keeps its thematic integrity (which is not always easy with restrictive forms), the central conceit is interesting and well executed. The "edge of never we meet" is a very nice phrase. This piece needs no apology whatsoever.

[Y.F.]

It's not bad at all.
The subject and imagery are great, but I've noticed 2 things:
1. The 2nd line of the 1st stanza and the whole 4th stanza need work, as they're a bit off pace.
2. 5th stanza, first line - "form" should be "from".

I don't consider myself a villanelle expert, as I've only written one, but I think you did a pretty good job overall.
Keep it up. :)