Oh Talon, Sweet Talon, Spare me

The living lie. The dead lay.

The glass lay shattered on the floor. Every angle and frame separated. Light reflected off of these shards and gave my vision new colors to compare. It is tragic how the most beautiful sights come from the ugliest things. The blood commingled with these colors and through their union created life. It dripped and stained every piece, making a new hue of love that played out a scene of fiery hatred. That is what love truly is, right? At the core of all bonds, we hate what we love the most. It has a hold on us. It keeps us subdued. Yet, it is a double edged sword. The anchor that is placed on the burdens of our heart is the same that strikes the flames of animosity. I step over a dark crimson lake of purity and rage. I observe the passion that streams over the walls. There were no thoughts into creating this master piece. The raw art form and mind it took to create such a scene. Delicate and fragile is life in its most fleeting moments. We wrestle, run, and fight with it but we all reach the same ending. No extravagant muse. No pleasurable taste. No reason or rhyme. Eventually we just all DIE. Fade into the backdrop of an endless sea of bodies. Laid to rest in the very earth we thought we owned and conquered. The throne sheds no tears. The wind will not remember your scent. It amuses me. I focus my attention to her position. How much her cold body resembled a forgotten doll. Sprawled and mangled. Torn around the seams. This is what made it all the more terrible.

Her eyes still showed life. Those brown earthen orbs tethered me. This creature of sovereign power was crushed. She could have moved mountains with her looks alone. It makes me wonder what truly awaits us the day we are born. Was this destined to be her finale? Or was the light of a promised future stolen from her. Shadows move around me as they come in and out of the room. The flashes of recorded images scrolling across crystal screens. Mumbles and whispers come from every corner. One stands out the most: "Who are you?". Indeed, my mystery doll. Who were you? Why did death hold you close. I look at the shadows as they grow ever more dense. The floor was painted with drops of her life. Pools of ichor that reflected my own. I have seen this a thousand times and like a thousand times it has remained. Death is such a poor player. It comes at any given time. You may be well equipped but no manner of protection will save you. Every life is defenseless to the Master of Lessons. I digress. I know how this story started because I have seen its end. The culprit is a shy one. Appearing in secret but leaving behind a loud permanent mess. Giving subtle hints at first before showing its fangs. Envy. You play a dangerous game. A spiral of events that end with macabre and insanity. It creates worlds and people that may never exist. Envy is the one who cut her down. The slick messages left behind on her world box gives rise to these suspicions. Why were you so reckless? I guess I will never know. The shadows arrange her body and take it away. She leaves behind a chasm of blood. Her legacy. What greatness could have been sought to save such a poor soul. No one will ever know.

Author's Note

Just another thought child that was created from context. Please tell me what you think.

Reviews

[Laurierose]

Powerfully crafted piece of art, honestly. "She could have moved mountains with her looks alone. It makes me wonder what truly awaits us the day we are born." My favorite line. With a stare so effectual, just what is it in that alluring stare that monumental? This is existentialism at it's finest. Great read.

[Final-Karma]

Thank you so much! I plan to maybe follow up with a piece related to this. I am glad you enjoyed it.

[_rabbitofhabit (1word)]

I think I'm just dumb. I thought it was a little hard to follow. I think that dusting off the punctuation would help with this. I'm no literary expert, and for all I know this is stunning from a grammatical standpoint, but I think that if you separated some of these paragraphs more, using indentation to show where the monologues/certain thought processes end and the descriptions of the scene physical scene begin/continue, dummies like me could follow it easier.
Some nitpicks are that "double edged" should be "double-edged".
Another is that I think the first two sentences should be one, separated as two clauses by a comma.
"Master piece" should also be "masterpiece".
I personally don't like the formating of that "DIE". I think it should be uncapitalized.
Also, I think the lines: "Sprawled and mangled. Torn around the seams. This is what made it all the more terrible..." should be made into one long sentence, separated, perhaps, by commas and a semicolon. And that, "It makes me wonder what truly awaits us the day we are born. Was this destined to be her finale? Or was the light of a promised future stolen from her..." should be, "It makes me wonder what truly awaits us the day we are born. Was this destined to be her finale, or was the light of a promised future stolen from her?" By the way, this line is an instant classic; one Shakespeare would envy.

I think you're very good at playing with the English language, and I particularly love the lines:
"The wind will not remember your scent. Throne sheds no tears."
"The floor was painted with drops of her life."
"Those brown earthen orbs tethered me."

[Onlyme]

Beautifully craft piece. That really speaks volumes. And makes you see the bigger picture of life our purpose, being, existence on earth. Freedom of choice.

[Final-Karma]

Thank you for your kind words. I am glad you took the time to read and express your feelings.

[Agyani]

Your story, your name, your picture....there's a chain here, isn't it?

Well, I liked your story. A lot. The way you went about it. You may call it a soliloquy or a rant, but it is a beautiful requiem ode. The one who looks at the remains of life on a continuous basis can always find instances and appalling sights that make him/her shudder and question. It's not too difficult to grasp, but the way you presented the idea sure is wonderful. I really enjoyed reading this piece. Will look forward to more.

The only thing which I feel you could maybe tweak in this story is the breaks. There are quite a few shifts in the narrative, and most are not in tandem with paragraph breaks. I never can figure out when to introduce a paragraph break with accuracy, but I feel you could insert some more pauses. I feel it helps the reader's mind adjust to the minor shifts better. It's just what I think, and I might be wrong, but I feel that doing so will make this work look even better. :)

[Final-Karma]

Thank you so much for this review. I am glad you pointed out the breaks. It is definitely something I have noticed and am attempting to correct. All advice is always welcome as my goal is to be a better writer than I was yesterday. I am so glad you enjoyed this. Please feel free to look at my remainder and future work.

[Delmar Cooper]

A very complex assembly of words. Too complex for me to fully enjoy or understand the necessity for so much interior musing. I guess I'm just a nouns and verbs kind of reader, broth instead of stew suits me.

[Final-Karma]

Thank you for taking your time to read my work. I can understand what you mean. We all have different tastes and I am glad you are honest.

[drew garner]

More a monologue, that should be read aloud on stage than a story but it was beautiful.

[Final-Karma]

It honestly is. I did not know where to categorize it. Thank you so much.