Chapter 1: Morning Star of Fallen Dawn

Our 4 mages meet at the grand gathering that throws together their fates and reveals who is behind the sinister attacks.

"Elric! You have to stand still." I try to attach the railings to his sides but he keeps squirming and moving. He giggles then leans over and coughs. He keeps coughing and collapses. I try to hold him up but he holds a hand out to stop me. He wipes his mouth and I see red on his sleeve. "Elric", I begin to say but he cuts me off. "First off, you never call me by my first name. It's weird Orion. You are losing your cool." He looks up at me and smirks. Then he stumbles but manages to get up and stares me in the eyes. His face looks aged and pale. His hair messy and greased. The clothes he wore were dusty. Once again he looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. His gaze doesn't leave mine and out of his mouth comes, "And second, you know I tickle easy man." He grins so big and wiggles around. I just stare at him. It's amazing he still has time for humor in all his pain.

Me and Elric arrived at the Hall of Guilds before the gathering to prepare him for his meeting with the elders. The Hall was located in the center of New Mitos. Underground. It is written, that before it was a place that was used for meetings of great importance. The Capitol Building they called it. Such a simple name. Many of their leaders would meet to discuss the flow of power and alliance. The books could have gotten it wrong. Nonetheless, in the present we use it for pretty much the same. The very walls hold arcane that we still know nothing about. Just to enter the cavern your might must be tested. As you pass, a mass distortion of energy ignites and if you are worthy, you pass with no harm. This only happens the first time you pass through, afterwards it is as if it was a normal doorway.

As you enter, you descend down a hollow shaft. Levitated steps are planted so you have no need to jump and use magic. When you reach the ground floor, you enter another room that glows blue due to the walls being made of crystals. These crystals have been tested for why they have a light source but none has been found. Just another testament to why we mages hail this place as powerful. As you pass through the crystal room, you enter a tunnel of complete darkness. No light can pass through. The darkness eats it and it never returns. The mages who studied this believe it to be a black hole. Usually found in The Unknown, they destroy. But in this holy place, you are pulled through and ejected into the The Hall of Guilds.

When you first exist the tunnel, you are met with brilliant shining light. You are in the center of the building. On every wall, moving and sparkling is pure silver. It can't be touched or taken. It remains here and travels throughout the entirety of the The Hall. Looking up you see the source of this phenomena. It is a sun. Hanging like a cosmic chandelier this second sun provides light to the building. Again, no mage can discover how or why such a thing exists down here. It has become normal for us, but I wonder what the first mages thought when they arrived and saw it. Continuing on, there are endless rooms but we seek only one. The Room of Order. This is where large matters of concern are held in front of the elders. And this is where I am now with Elric. Trying to strap him to the platform that he will talk to them from.

Elric finally holds still and I strap him in. He looks around at what is holding him and huffs. "Well, don't I look safe. Hey Orion, is the barbecue ready yet? I think this pig is over stuffed." He starts laughing hysterically. Throwing his head back and stomping his feet. I don't laugh. I can't even crack a smile. I look away from him and stare at the empty seats that the elders will sit in. This room was huge. The top of it was cave with silver running through cracks that shined down light in rays. There were many seats. Enough for a massive audience. Which I'm sure we will have. The center stage that Elric stands on is for the accused or those willing to make a claim at the elders. I did not know which position he was in. Either way, the elders rarely come together, let alone reside in the same room. They are legendary mages who have done things that are unthinkable. All except one. My thoughts are cut short when Elric stomps his feet a lot louder. He continues to laugh. I sigh. I feel bad for my old friend. This isn't his normal humor. The marks are on this face now and getting worse. I fear he is losing his mind. I could have cured him at any time but he refuses.

Viewers start to slowly pour into the room as Elric stands chained. A red hue enveloping his body. I sit beside his platform, waiting. As the room fills up, one elder enters with a young woman at his side. He looks down at me from his seat and waves. No expression on his face. Adam Century. That one exception I spoke of. He whispers into the ear of the woman next to him and she eyes Elric with curiosity. Then she takes a seat right next to him. This makes her his apprentice. What an unlucky girl. As I keep looking at her, a blur flies around her feet and then into her lap. A cat. It turns and looks directly at me then at Elric and its hairs stand up on its back. She rubs the feline and speaks to it. It c***s its head and looks up at the girl. They seem to be engaging in conversation. I stop focusing on her as everyone begins to settle in the room. It was about to begin.

People start to talk and their chatter becomes all one noise. Adam Century sits at the head of the room next to the other empty elders chairs with his legs crossed and looking at his transphone. He is veiled in a black suit that fit him perfectly. His black hair neatly tucked and combed to the side. At his waist was a red sash that hung down to his ankles. It had markings along it. They represented every conflict he had taken part in. I see the Borolean crest at the very top. It was the last major war that took place between mages. House Borolean was gone now. They tried to overthrow the elders. They got what they deserved. Looking at his suit, it was embroidered with symbols of different magical elements. It's funny. He isn't even a mage. Just a regular person with a few special talents. The major one being his immunity to most magecraft. That is how he earned his seat. As a mage killer.

The lights suddenly go dim. The elders are coming. Their magic combined is enough to even make this place shudder. I look as they all arrive and stand at their seats. From left to right: Alister Viron, Marcus Turak, Gormak Kell, Celia Vic Lorna, Lucas Angel, and Sabryna Kalfu. A woman appeared beside Sabryna. She looked around and talked into a device on her wrist. She was a slim woman that was fit. The look of security in her eyes. I could tell she was bold and moved with force. In a guard like manor she stood next to Sabryna. Everyone rose to their feet as the elders stood. Adam slowly got up, looking amused. They stared at us and Gormak spoke, his voice bellowing like a giant. "This is a special gathering. One that has not been done in many many years." He looks around the room. Gormak was a man of large stature, and he had strength to match. His large beard and long hair gave him the look of a warrior. His muscles screamed through his loose shirt and baggy pants. He continued. "As we begin, we bind this gathering and all who are in it. We bring this circle to close." He raises his hand and a massive circle summons beneath our feet. The very air sparks and the hairs on my neck stand up. The room changes colors rapidly until it settles and the circle disappears. He puts his hand down and the elders sit. The crowd follows.

Elric was being quiet the entire time. He stared at the floor. The elders were discussing things among themselves when suddenly they all turned to look at me. They fell silent and I felt nervous. My stomach turned over. Never have I been addressed by mages of such power. Alister spoke first. "Orion is it?" I nod. His voice sounding of a man a million years wise. "You are childhood friends with Investigator Ashburn?" I nod and reply, "Yes I am. We come from the same town and have known each other all our lives." Alister seems to contemplate this. Before he can speak again, Celia speaks forward. "And this town is outside New Mitos. A place that isn't regulated by mages at all." This was not a question but a statement. It bothered me. I did not have time to reply as Adam spoke up. He had a big smile on his face, "What does it matter Celia? Elric here is the one affected. If you are suggesting that they would conduct black magic on themselves, then that is low of you." Celia gives Adam a deathly stare. Adam simply looks away and nods at me. What is he planning.

The meeting continues on as I am asked a multitude of questions about my relationship with Elric. Slowly I begin to become more and more irritated as they argue among each other with my answers. Finally I stand up. They fall silent and stare at me. I get my nerves together. "Elric is dying. You wanted me here for a reason. I don't appreciate the interrogation." They don't respond so I continue. "I could have healed him of this curse at any time but he wanted you to see this magic at work. Elric is not a man to show how he really feels but I can tell. He cares about all of you. Enough that he is sacrificing himself for you to be a witness." Elric raises his head and laughs. We watch him. His voice begins to crack and another emerges. " You are so weak Ashburn. Resilient but weak. I have finally gained control. Now to do away with this..." His body jerks. He screams and the elders lean forward in interest. I look around as people begin to look uneasy.

His shaking becomes more violent as the red scars pulse and glow. I can't let him die. I jump onto the platform and cast two light circles overhead and three around the bottom. I throw one more behind me. Putting my hands together to form a seal. I focus and say, "I peel back reality and all it knows" The circles shine brighter and begin to rotate. I continue, "Blood drips on hollow grounds." Beams of lights connect the circles as I continue. "Joy and mercy unto your heart. Love is lost among fear." I jump off the platform as Elric roars and reaches for me. The circles of light form a prism that enclose around him. He looks around wildly and the other voice returns. "I will be free! This one can not be contained. I will eat his soul, destroy this world, you are not..." I cut it off by moving the prism to squeeze him in. The circle behind me moves in front and I form a fist and hold it forward. I channel my might into one final casting, "Intangible Desire of All Creation!" An explosion of light erupts from my fist and it passes through the circle and hits the prism. An echo of a deathly roar comes from within. I lower my fist and watch as the light is absorbed into the light cage. Elric's form slithering back and forth inside. It looks like he is slipping out.

I rush to get underneath the prism and as he slips out. I catch him and fall as the roars continue. I look up to see something moving inside. The prism walls begin to crack. I put Elric down and get back up to the platform. As the light deems inside, I get a glimpse of something not of this world. A pale, large, naked human shaped creature with horns protruding from its head beats against the prism walls. It's eyes black as night. It's hair color changing with every hit it takes at the wall. Sparkles falling from it as it moves. Finally it gives up and looks around at us all. It's expressionless face giving no signs of distress. The more I look the more beautiful it becomes. It's features perfect in every way.  Finally it settles and I hold a hand out to lower the prism to eye level. It stares blankly at me. It's black eyes endless. I hear gasps from the crowd of onlookers as they finally get to see for themselves. I look back at the elders. The looks on their faces dark.

Sabryna gets up and comes to my side. Her female guard with her. "My oh my." She says in her Jamaican accent. "In all my lifetime, I never thought I would see something like this." She looks at me and then again at the creature. Something bumps and I look down to see Elric getting up. He looked back to his old self already. He bruises his hair back with his hands and looks up at the prism. His face showing disgust. He points a finger at the cage and yells, "Did I just give birth? Like seriously?" I shake my head in disbelief. Yeah he was definitely back to normal. The creature starts to move again and people panic. It comes close to the prism walls and looks around at everyone. It's black eyes reflecting what was in the air. Fear. It looks at the elders and smiles. It's teeth almost transparent and jagged sharp. It speaks in a voice that echos but still has a single source, yet rattles as if it were many. "Why do you look at me in disbelief? Have you forgotten what I am?" We continue to look at it. No one answers.

The smile leaves its face and a frown replaces it. "We have returned. Our strength is endless. Nothing you have will save you. Your magic is weak. You can't even kill me." I speak up, "I did not cast this barrier to kill you but to cleanse the evil within my friend and free him from this curse. The upside is that it seems to have caught you as well. Looks like it did it's job." It c***s it's head at me and laughs. The sound of it's evil cackle pierces the air. The hairs on my neck stand up and I start to understand. It rolls over in the prism and flexes. An energy wave launches in all directions from the creatures body and the cage splits. It looks directly at me with its fangs bared. "No, mage of light. I am not trapped. You are trapped with me." Before I can cast a circle to support the prism, it shatters and disappears. The creature hits the ground and raises itself up. I was dwarfed in its shadow. At least 8 feet in height, it stood over me and stared. I was frozen. I saw the blur of people running and the muffle of yells but in that moment, it was me and it.

Suddenly a burst hit its face and fire exploded over it. I turned over, got up and ran. I slide behind a pillar and looked from behind it. Adam Century was barking orders at Sabryna's guard who had a circle cast in each hand. She must of fired the first bolt. The creature gained its composure again and looked in their direction, it let out a roar and the whole room shook. Adam yelled to fire again, and the guard let loose more bolts. The creature lunged forward and they exploded over its body. Smoke and debris flew as I ducked back behind the pillar for protection. I couldn't see through the smoke, but I heard yelling and more explosions. I saw green and red flashes. They were fighting it. I decided to run towards another pillar opposite of me. A green bolt whizzed past me, barely missing. While behind the pillar, I watched the green energy morph over the wall and then glow hot red.

I got back up, but before I could run, I was hit by the explosion. I felt myself fly through the air and hit the ground. Everything was dark. I felt my body move and then I was awake again. Elric was dragging me and saying something. I couldn't hear him. He dropped me quick and turn around. I saw him cast a circle and then form a wave motion and open palm. A bolt hit but was deflected and he fell back onto me. He quickly turned over and was trying to tell me something. I couldn't hear him. He sat me up against a wall and he patted my head. As I looked up I saw him run off and into the scuffle. This human creature had grown wings now. It wrapped itself in them to deflect bolts of magic. Adam and his apprentice were in the front lines. They both wielded swords and swung wildly at the creature. They missed as it dodged and jumped. Slamming its wings into their swords to deflect.

I started to lose vision again and everything went dark. I got sight again and the creature was on its knees. Elric was pulling a glowing rope around its neck and Adam was stabbing it in the chest. Gold fluid bursting from the wound all over him as he mercilessly strikes. It flapped its wings to get up, but Adams apprentice came from behind, slicing through one wing wildly. I lose sight again and I can't feel my body. I float in limbo. Seeing my town again. Family. Friends. I see myself learning to cast my first circle. Me teaching Elric the manuscripts. What is happening? Am I dying? I start to feel pain all over my body as if I am burning. Suddenly I am awake. Shivering and gasping for air. Standing over me is Elric and Lucas Angel. His crystal blue eyes and perfect face torn with concern. I look around and I see Adam nodding his head at his apprentice as they stand over the creature. It's body laying sprawled on the ground. Lifeless.

They filled me in on what happened. The creature could cast without circles. It was spewing hell fire and acid bolts. On top of that it was extremely fast for its size. The guard, who's name I know now is Naoki, countered with gravity circles that suppressed its movement. Adam and his apprentice, Hajar, moved in for the kill while Elric and the elders cast anti magic circles. Eventually they managed to take it down. The final blow being dealt by Hajar. Adam looked very proud. Lucas Angel had healed my wounds and I stood up. Adams sword digitized and disappeared. His face was lost in thought. He jabbed a finger at the creature laying there and asked, "So. Does anyone have any idea who or what that was?" Nobody answered. We stood together, mages and elders, equally lost. Adam nodded. "As I thought. You mages claim to be smart but you really.." "Silence Adam. This is not the time or place please." Sabryna says cutting him off. Adam smirks but doesn't say anything else.

Gormak steps forward and addresses us. "You three bravely jumped into action first. Not taking a second's notice of the danger of fighting an unknown enemy. Alongside Adam you defeated this creature while the rest of us were support." I hung my head. I did nothing but run. I felt afraid and helpless in this fight. But Gormak turns to me, "And you, Orion. You are the bravest. Saving your friend, containing the creature, trusting Elric's words and showing us the truth. You are a man of knowledge I am told. Well it took a lot to do what you did." I was stunned. Marcus stepped forward and waved his hand. "Indeed. You all did well. Now the matter at hand. We elders are far too busy to devote our time to the origins of this event." Lucas cuts in, "Yes we are. And if I am thinking what Marcus is, then I am all for it." I watch as the elders all exchange glances. Adam shakes his head and puts his hand on Hajar's shoulder.

Celia raises her hands and a symbol I am not familiar with appears in green flames. The elders in unison speak, "By the flight of the fifth and the great call of the light we declare the rise of a new council." The green flame symbol splits and breaks into 4 separate new symbols, they fly into our chests and disappear. My left hand burns and the symbol that flew into me appears. Burned on the top of all of our left hands the symbols hiss and glow. We all exchange looks and reach out. The symbols burn bright then dim down and the glow goes away. Left behind is a mark like tattoo of the symbol. I marvel at it wondering what kind of magic was just used. More importantly what does this mean. I look up to see Elric inspecting Naoki's hand and he looks up at me yelling, "Hey Orion! This sucks. She got the way cooler tat. It looks like a dragon! Wait, is that an Asian thing?" Naoki shakes her head and pulls her hand away. Elric laughs and says, "What? It was a joke. Terrible one but a joke nonetheless."

Adam cuts in, "Look, as much as I disagree with what is happening here. I think it is for the best." He looks at Hajar and the symbol on her hand. She looks at him and says, "Adam. It will be ok. Whatever this is I am brave and strong. You have taught me well." He nods. "Yes I have. I guess you had to graduate eventually." I step in. "What exactly is this? What is going on?" Sabryna answers, "We are the elders. Leaders of all mages that exist. We judge, we execute, and we plan. At times things start to build up and become too intwined for us few to handle." She looks around and the others nod in agreement. "The elders before us and the elders before them had a way to manage this. A council underneath them, yet they were not just a council. They were highly skilled mage warriors who could pass judgement and possessed free reign as we do." Gormak steps forward and agrees, "Yes" His bellowing voice booming, "My father told me tales of the previous council. How they were chosen to be saviors in the elders time of need. It seems like the time has come again." Gormak voice falls off as he looks away.

Adam speaks up, "That time has come and for good reason. This creature here shows our lack of attention. We have become stretched too thin. Unfocused." Adam looks around at the elders as he paces. "But you four have been chosen to be that new council. The ones to help in our place when we can not. Our light in the darkness when ours has dimmed. Our will. Can you pick up the mantle and hold it high?" We all look at each other and Elric speaks up first, "I'm not one for seriousness like this but, I think I speak for all of us." He looks around at all our faces. He smirks and looks at the elders, "We accept your offer and will take up this mantle of responsibility. But no promises about things not getting too crazy out there." The elders smile and Celia claps here hands together. "We are grateful for your decision young mages. Now, by the power of the seventh stone, I declare you the new Inquisition." The symbol on my hand glows and hisses once more. A new mark adds itself and it simmers down. Adam slowly claps and walks away. The other elders do the same. Sabryna comes up to us. She smiles and says, "My hope is with you." She turns to Naoki and touches her face. "The nightclub will be in good hands. There is no need for you to worry. Bigger things are at play here." She bows and proceeds to walk out of the room with the rest of the elders.

I turn to Elric and he looks at me puzzled. "So what now? It's not like they left us with instructions." Hajar comes closer and tells him, "They did. We are to find out what that is." She points to the creature on the floor. "And to aid the city in the process." Naoki nods in agreement and adds, "Not just the city, but all of the mage world." She pauses as we contemplate that. "Even outside the city." Hajar looks at Naoki with a glance of fear. I step in. "I agree. Me and Elric are familiar with cities outside of New Mitos so we can help there." We all get quiet again. I decide to go over to the creature and cut off samples. It's body seems to already be decaying and plumes of steam start to come off it. I pocket the samples as the creature bursts into orange flames. Leaving behind ash. Naoki comes over and kicks the ashes. "One strong b*****d. Those flames were crimson blaze. A very old style of fire casting. Thing is full of surprises." I let those words sink in. Full of surprises indeed.

I start to think. Losing my present self in my mind when Elric yawns and starts to walk out of the room. I shake it off and watch as he turns around and says, "I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving. I just gave birth and lost my dearest child." He pretends to make a crying face. Then laughs. "So, Meridian Diner? Plus, every great beginning happened over food." Naoki and Hajar laugh at him and agree. For once I do as well. We make our way through the Hall of Guilds and come out of the entrance. The sun beams down on us as the sounds of the busy city fill our ears. I take it all in. Watching people completely wrapped into their own worlds. Not knowing anything was ever wrong or that a great evil was beneath them. That is how it should be. Suddenly, an odd thought comes to me. I turn to Hajar and ask, "Hey what happened to that cat?" She laughs and says, "Jeeves? That big mouth p***y cat ran as soon as you started casting. He's probably at home underneath my bed." We all laughed. Looks like this would be the start of a great journey.

Author's Note

This is a rough draft. I am looking for concrete feedback to improve my writing with this universe. Anything is helpful. What you like, what you don't like. What would be good to add etc. Thank you.

Reviews

[drew garner]

My only complaint is your imagery is is a lot like Clark Ashton smith but you narrative is more like a YA adventure story. And their is nothing wrong with that it just is a strange combination. I thought the prose was great, slow and heavy like lovecraft. But the plot reminded me of something more like the novel the blue sword, which is a favorite of mine. Over all I enjoyed and may review this chapter again after I read the rest of the story.

[Final-Karma]

Thank you! I'm glad you noted the differing of the styles. I am essentially trying to blend my different influences together seeing as I like parts of all them. I'm glad you enjoyed the story!

[AliceBarnes]

I loved how well you started this story, you got readers immediatley interested in what was going on and you introduced the main characters within the first few sentences. Very good start just at that point.

Exceptionally well written descriptions so that I could paint the characters in my head, already you are raising a suspicious/bad looking illness that Elric might have through coughing up blood - again, you are hooking the reader in and I love to see that, it really get's their thoughts going as they try to figure out what is going to happen next.

I loved that already in the first chapter you are introducing readers to what the characters are like - i.e. Elric is ticklish, it really just makes them more human. I really liked that you avoided "he said, she said" that kind of thing, that doesn't mean avoid it altogether though, as said is a very good word to use if that is all the character is doing, it is also a good word to use because readers see it so often they hardly have to think about it when reading (think of it like an invisible word).

Now for the more helpful side of the comment; "I saw green and red flashes. They were fighting it. I decided to run towards another pillar opposite of me." I don't know what it is, but this just sort of sounds a bit abrupt. You could say "I saw red and green flashes, which erupted among the chaos of them fighting it. I took off running towards another pillar opposite" that's just a suggestion, you can use it or leave it as you like, I just thought to give a little more depth and detail to the scene (as I find such sentences kind of drag me out of the scene a bit).

Slightly smaller font is easier for readers to look at, I only speak for myself so I don't know how others feel about this, but I just feel like the font is very big. While on the topic of the format, I know how annoying this is because it happens to me when I copy and paste my work onto WritersCafe, but you could do with just going through and making the paragraphs again - just because not only does it make it easier to read, but I know from experience that people just will not read really large chunks of writing, its just like an inbuilt thing to avoid it, no matter how good that writing is.

Overall, I really loved reading the start of this and I am actually really looking forward to reading more of it. I hope I wasn't too critical and that I haven't put you off writing - that was absolutely not my intention at all, I just wanted to give you a good review to try and help you as you mentioned in your authors note about it. Anyway, I hope this type of review was what you were hoping for, and I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed reading this.

[Final-Karma]

First off let me say how lovely a human being you are. This was everything I needed to hear. I love getting back critical reviews because it helps me grow as a writer. This hasn't put me off writing at all. If anything it has made me more motivated. I will go back and try to edit this first chapter to make it a better read. I might need your help a bit to understand what you meant by the paragraph structure to make it a better for the readers? I was a bit confused by that part. Overall though this has helped and given me thoughts about my next chapter. I look forward to you reading it and giving more feedback as I do the same for you!

[AliceBarnes]

I am so glad you found it helpful, that was what I was trying to aim for - although, I felt a bit mean because I felt like I was being super picky. What I meant by the format was just to make the paragraphs once again (I have to do this when I copy and paste my works over onto writers cafe) and also to just make the writing smaller, larger writing is just quite hard to read (for me anyway). Just let me know if you need me to explain anything further (I know some of the stuff

[AliceBarnes]

sorry, accidentally pressed post. (I know some of the stuff I say doesn't really make sense.) was what I was going to say